Need to chill out

Sept 26 Aft
Father, just did shoonya and did Osho tarot. I wasn't too sure of samyama. I still think original idea of hata is good.
Yea, I didn't do hata today. Mind was thinking. But ok lah. I just need to stay focus.
On my plan for website + promoters for self-development tool is good. It is just like the travel agent website. They gather all and provide a discount. I too can gather all. Just like the website that gathers all the financial markets.

Just now Sl called and again the tone of judging tone of a parent. I can see her. I see her strength for organisation and detailed but I also can see her weakness for uncertainty.

Osho
1. The Issue
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful. Then it is simple, too. U don't depend on others and u don't make others dependent on u.
U relate; as long as things are moving beautifully, u share. And if u see that the moment has come to depart because ur paths separate at this crossroad, u say goodby with great gratitude for all that the other has been to u. With no misery, no pain, u separate.

Soul
Yea, guess that's my suppressed issue. My erotic dream tells all. Part of me still hopeful of Z, hoping he changes his mind. But today reading Osho on conversion of sexual energy into money energy, I knew it to be hopeless. Guess I am hopeful cos I don't want to be alone.

Perhaps samyama also an escape.

2. Internal influence
Playfulness
The moment u start seeing life as non-serious, a playfulness, all the burden on ur heart disappears. All the fear of death, of life, of love - everything disappears.

One start living, with a very light weight or almost no weight. So weightless one becomes, one can fly in the open sky.
When the Page of Fire enters ur life, it is a sign that u r ready for the fresh and the new. Something wonderful is just on the horizon, and u have just the right quality of playful innocence and clarity to welcome it with open arms.

Soul
Guess I need not worried about me not as diligent on hata. I used to do it out of perseverance. Now no more weight, I am no longer diligent. Perhaps, now I can do with love. Do it because I want to and not because I have to.
On Z, just change my mind on him. True, he is my soul mate and cosmic card but it is also stated that when I see the lesson, it disappear. With me and him, it is about 'drive'.

3. External influence of which u r aware.
Existence
U r not accidental. Existence needs u. Without u something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it.
Home is not a physical place in the outside world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Mind
Ur head goes on spinning and weaving - it keeps u occupied. This cloud has to be dropped. U r clinging to it - the cloud is not interested in u, remember it.

Soul
Yea. Guess I m worried of being a nobody. I am trying to grap to a lost Z, hoping for release in samyama.

4. Resolution
Exhaustion
A man who lives through conscience becomes hard. A man who lives through consciousness remains soft.
When u live thru conscience, ur whole life energy has been depleted in ur efforts to keep fueling the enormous and ridiculous machine of self-importance and productivity. U have forgotten to really rest. No doubt u can't allow urself to be playful. To abandon his duty for a trip to the beach could mean the whole structure might come tumbling down.
Life isn't a business to be managed, its a mystery to be lived. Its time to tear up the time-card, break out of the factory and take a little trup into the unchartered.

Soul
Chill out. Don't worry about me not waking up at 4 am for hata.