The mind is never ending

Aug 20

Father, after the 3 weeks dilemma, Z and I are back together naturally.
But now the mind is thinking what's next. When will we be able to open up our relationship?

I knew for Z, he only wants to open up on our relationship when he knows for sure that we are getting married. For him to open up means a full commitment. He cannot as he knew I cannot give him the children that he wanted and he cannot give me the financial security that I wanted.

I know his measure of security is the opposite of mine. And yet the mind is still seeking. I realised I miss him the most whenever it is public holiday or etc. Cos to me, if we are open, then both of us will be together instead of being separated.

I wish for him to be at my new year eve dinner.
I must remember Z wants me to feel secure with him. He wants me to feel secure so that I can stay with him. He wants me to stay with him cos he wants me.

I am now looking at the clothes I bought, about 6 indian blouses. What a transformation? As my family says, so Indian.
For me, I can now adapt to certain indian food and alas can even buy and wear indian clothing, something unheard of previously.

Something inside me breakthru.

I already accepted an indian boyfriend and now I am accepting his culture too. A year ago he asked me why I don't wear indian clothing, I just replied I can't. But alas now I can.

Just now I was chatting with P. She told me she wonder why Sadhguru suddenly laugh when he was leaving. I told her that's me. Sadhguru looked at me and just laughed.


Osho
Hell and heaven are both within. Hell is just ur circumference, heaven is ur very center. U r the center of the cyclone. Tao says that nothing really has to be done. One has just to penetrate into one own's being.