Handling Parent in others

Sept 13
Father, woke up 5.20 am. Was feeling tired. Anyway, still do my practices. Guru pooja and breathing not good. Shakti was ok but shambavi was good. I went in deep.

Mmm, tot of samyama. We r having the IE in end OCt and samyama starts 1 Nov. Timing not so good. Also, my preference would be for hata.

On Z, finally it dawn on me that he doesn't want to be reached to everyone, that's why mobile is off. So, me, I am fine with that...need not take it personally.


Staying OK
Parent does not think. Like the time operator, it is a recording. It neither listen nor think.
We usually recognise a Parent when we run into one, mostly because of the oppression we feel.
Physical - frowning, pursed lips, the pointing index finger, head wagging, the "horrified look", foot tapping
Verbal - I am going to put a stop to this once and for all; I can't for the life of me ... If I were u...Always and never are usually parent words which reveal the limitations of an archaic system closed to new data.

Parent shrinking
1. Cross the transaction.
Adult response to a Parent putdown or tirade might be, "I can see u feel strongly about that. Would u care to tell me how u arrived at that conclusion?"
If the Parent persist, another response is: "It would be helpful to me if u would let me know what it is u plan to do". The Parent is good at talking but action is something else. He will either back down, leave or engage his Adult, since thinking and time are required for action

2. Agree.
Sometimes u might find a point of agreement with a Parent person, even though u feel that much of what he says is off bae. If u can fish out that one point, and respond favourably to it, he may lose his desire to hassle over the other nineteen points.

3. Go off on a tangent.
This may be risky but can work in getting the other person out of his Parent.

4. Cheers
When a Parent has made an impassioned statement about some issue, draw him out. "That marvelous! U really put ur words to that one. I wish everyone has ur enthusiasm.

5. Silence.
A puzzled or intrigued stare with a friendly crinkling at the corner of the mouth.

Soul
That's what I do to SL. Alas, now I realised her mode is generally Parent. No wonder she likes to chastised me. Even the issue with E, she supported him and not me cos E was acting from Parent too.

Staying OK
6. Move in
Walk closer to them. They will back off

7. Change ur mind, if u mean it. If u r being criticised because of something u said six months ago...declare u have given ur statement a tot and believe it is not the best approach at all and u appreciate the Parent's view Then ask for his approach. The Parent is often critical of someone else's idea. It takes the Adult to come up with a better idea.

Soul
Just like yday she said I didn't manage E well. I said yea, true and perhaps she would learn to manage E better. Suddenly she stop.

8. Could u please state that another way.
"I want to be sure I followed ur thinking correctly so I don't misunderstand ur meaning - could u please state it again.

9. Write it down.
"What was that again!?". Hold on a minute.

10. Find his Child and feed it.

11. Be OK
Self esteem is the requirement to make any of the foregoing effective. It is a tall order for most of us and requires that we daily replenish our inner resources through meditation or regularly being in the company of people who value us.

Soul
Sl definitely doesn't value me. When I said I got back with Z, instead of congrats, she said I haven't deal with my issue on openness yet. Another criticism. I am glad I had this chance with her, to work thru my past.

Staying OK
Parent types like to move in whenever there is a sign of perturbation. If it isn't with criticism, it may well be nurturing.

Sometimes this is pleasant, sometimes it isn't. A "there there" can be every discomfiting as a "here here".

Some Parent are like ambulances chasers, eager to be in on the excitement, help out, give advice, take charge, even when it's morbid. Sharing ur problem with disaster addicts will not make u feel better. Sharing ur problems with thinking and feeling people will.

Soul
SL really is highly Parent. I got both Parent from her, mostly criticism. Nurturing comes in when she knows I m in pain due to RA or when I m sad due to Z. When I m down, I didn't like her nurturing cos I was not that sad...and I find bit discomfiting on who is she to comfort me, when I didn't ask for it.

Amen, now past issue or karma with SL is cleared.

Ace of Clubs
A birth of a new of communicating with the world around u.

Soul
Very true. I can handle Child but I had issues with Parent and Sl has max Parent. I finally saw it. Amen.