Anxiety on Z reduces

Aug 25 Aft

Father, I bought the pregnancy test. I asked the pharmacy when do I need to test. She said can be tested one day after due. Mine is already 7 days overdue. So, I can do it already. Need not wait for Z to revert.

I did the test. I am not pregnant. I am relieved. Looks like just my menses is delayed. My body is adjusting after 6 months of hectic period.

Suddenly I tot of Z's disappointment with rship. He no longer have any romantic ideas about it. Whereas, this is my first one and I still have hope. For him, all hopes are dashed, he sees it as nuisance.

I did my Osho tarot rship cards
1. Me - Transformation - forced to jump down
2. Z - Exhaustion - live thru conscience and become hard
3. Composite - Relatedness - together when our path is on and apart when the path is off.
4. Insight - Silence

When I read it, a sense of peace came over me. I can finally see Z is facing his own drama/dilemma and it is best to leave him alone. When he is ready, he will come back if we are meant to be.

Osho - intimacy
Each moment has its own way, and no moment needs to be consistent with any other moment. Life is a flux, it is a river. It goes on changing its moods. So, no need not worry about consistency.

Soul
I must be getting better as Z no longer occupy my mind, work starts to come, things I need to do. This time I look at it and said I have dropped work and I need ponder about it.

Osho - Intimacy
So, if u r feeling sad, then be sad - with no condemnation, with no evaluation of it being good or bad. There is no question of good or bad, it is simply so. And when it goes, let it go. When again u start smiling, don't feel guilty because just now u were sad.

Each moment is an atomic reality. It is discontinuous from the past moment and it is not connected with the future moment. They are not following each other in a sequence, they are not linear.

The true man has no ideals. He lives moment to moment; he always lives as he feels in the moment. He is utterly respectful toward his feelings, his emotions, his moods.

Soul
Yea, I need not worried about my inconsistency.

Osho - intimacy
Listen to the heart and whatsoever is there, bring it out. Soon u will become efficient in bringing it out and u will enjoy it. And once u know how to be true, it is so beautiful that u will never settle for being false.