Sathsang with Sadhguru

Aug 16

Father, it was a cosy and joyful sathsang with Sadhguru. Sadhguru enjoyed the sathsang too.
The energy was different. I was caught in an unexpected traffic jam. A half an hour ride turns into 2 and half hour. Alas, I had to park my car and take train ride. Luckily I ran to the train station and managed to get a ride. I reached there around 7.15 pm.

They were all glad to see me. Lots of people knew I just arrived from ashram today. They knew the drama I had to go through with the cancelled flight and etc.

A few of them said I lost weight. I think the after effects of contraceptive pills are now finally gone. And with the last couple of days of little raw food, I think I lost some water weight.

I am no longer in the core team. They finally knew I don't like volunteering.

On Sathsang, as per norm, my body sway whenever I am in the presence of Sadhguru.
During the darshan, I try to avoid looking at him..as usual avoidance out of fear. I just don't want Sadhguru to see me.

I didn't have any outburst after shambavi, it was just a sense of peace. Then later we sang Brahma Nanda and I exploded into major laughter, followed by cries.

Towards the end, when the music was playing, I found myself gone into stillness unconsciously and I couldn't lift myself out of it. Alas, when I finally open my eyes, Sadhguru is gone.


The unexpected thing was seeing Z there. He try to catch my attention and I did smile to him on his volunteering. I told myself don't get excited as he has broke off with me. I then purposely ignored him. Then I found him sitting directly behind me in sathsang.

I was truly surprised and I did get excited and happy and wonder if that was his sign that he wants us back together as the same thing happen when I ignored him during the first withdrawal from me. Then I reacted, how dare he. He ignored my plea and now just want to walk back into my life without any remorse. I cannot allow him to do that.

Anyway, on second tot, perhaps the seats were full and he was 'forced' to sit behind me. Don't make anything from this.