Z didn't want to leave....

Aug 27 Eve

Z read my msg asking if he is resigning from us but didn't respond.
My mind reacted and feeling bit hurt for his coldness.
A tot came is ok, I am lovable. His action is his doing, not a reflection of me. A tot came, for him to start a committed rship is raising antenna and all his past failure will paralyse him.

I am lovable and keep loving feeling for myself.


Sept 15
I have tried to make Z leave me but he cannot do it. His method is to hibernate until I cool off. He knows I love him and I will go back to him when I am happy again. So, he hibernate when he founds that I am pressuring him to commit.

He doesn't want to leave me...he just want us to be status quo.

I haven't been able to leave him cos I love him and I also didn't want the feeling of being unlovable. So, I prolong it despite my resentment that I am hidden, that I am not his Top 5.

Alas, yesterday, suddenly it occur to me, it is pointless...I cannot continue..no need to fight the ending anymore. he is not going to end..only I can end it once and for all.

Looking back, it is was always me that wants to end it...he only did it once when he felt that he is too behind me financially.