Trying to accept another ending with Z

Sept 15
Did my practices. Went for swim but road block and so I drove back. Had a good brunch with my mom and sis.

Did have some tots of Z, but I waived it off. I am looking for my happiness, I want a full time partner, not a part time one. I want a real one.

In the afternoon, tot that Z and I would be in the cinema by now. I miss him but then a tot came, only one day with him, without him will be my normal routine.

I just did a check on Osho Tarot on us. Perfect interpretation.
1. Me - Projection
True, I projected what I want to him. I tot there was an opening when he agreed for a movie and when he comes back even when I said I want him for my new year eve dinner but he reiterate there is none.

2. Him - In the Past
True, he is stuck in the past and cannot see the good in the present.

3. Composite
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly, unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel

Soul
True, we r back to square 1. Our main issue on where the rship is going.

4. Insight
Rebirth - whatever the space u r in right now - be aware that it will evolve into something new if u allow it. It is a time of growth and change.

Soul
Yes, my decision to end is correct. I m glad our ending is good. It is time for a change.

Now updating blog and saw this
Soul
Suddenly tot of me and Z. I rushed into it to overcome my unlovability. Now I want to prolong it to prove I am not unlovable.

Yea,
I now faced it my unlovability confirmed. Z said his feelings for me didn't grow, there is no intention to commit to us.
Facing it isn't as bad as I tot. I need not prolong the rship just to avoud feeling unlovable. Just face it. And while I am sad but I felt free too.

Yea, there is no should on me and Z. There is no should that we be together. There is no should that I need to be with Z in order to grow.

Result in Destiny
Nine of Diamonds
It could be an indicator of the ending of a certain kind of work that u have been doing for a long time or the ending of certain pursuit. This could be the pursuit of some financial goal, some rship or some other "thing" that is valued.
Nine of Diamond represents the end of a certain thing that we once valued and accumulated. It is a graduation from one level of values to the next. If we can learn to let go, we can experienced a feeling of freedom and exhilaration as we move to the next level in our personal development. Endings are only disappointments to those who are not conscious of what is really going on in their life and who have no faith in life or love.

Soul
Ending the pursuit on Z, the pursuit to prove that I am lovable. Ending the pursuit of career.
Amen.