My mind is not me - I need not react

Aug 17
Father, I slept after 1 am yesterday. I woke up at 5.20 am to do my practices. Shakti is now much better and I am more aware of my body. I am now doing justice to Shakti. Shambavi was fine too and I spend at least 5 minutes sitting down to get the energy surge.

It was a great success yesterday. Sathsang with Sadhguru went well. I wished I was there earlier so I can see the decor.

Suddenly I tot of calling Sl to tell her about Z wanting to talk to me and sitting near me. Then I remember that I sound like Sl trying to hold on to something not there. Perhaps Z just wanted us to be casual friends after our break up. I need not look anything beyond that.

On my resignation, day by day it looks right. I had no control as E wants total control. I am right to resign. Even taking leave, he wanted to control. Like today I am taking off.

Diamond Heart - book 3
The ego personality is activity and reactivity. It is always reacting to something. At the deepest level, personality is reactivity by its very nature is saying no to something.

When the personality is analysed in its minutiae u will see the cycle of action and reaction. Originally, there is the reality of what is there and then there is saying no to that reality. Then there is hope for another reality. Then there is desire for that other reality, right? There is a rejection of now, a hope for something else in the future, and then a desire for it. The cycle of rejection, hope and desire all together leads to an activity, to trying to achieve what is desired.

When u identify with ur personality, it means simply that u r coming from activity, not from stillness. And that activity always involves rejection, hope and desire.


Soul
I can see that my personality is an outcome. It is a outcome resulting from reaction towards my tots in my mind. Since I tot the mind is me, any tots is mine too.
During meditation, I know my tots are not me and hence I need not react. But outside meditation we forgot. Perhaps that's why Sadhguru talks about paying attention.

Diamond Heart - book 3
The very movement of the personality is frustration, and the existence of the personality is that movement, that reactivity. Personality is a reaction, not a spontaneous reaction.