Anxiety on Z's non-response is gone

Aug 27 Aft
Father, suddenly my anxiety on feedback from Z is gone. My subconscious of unlovability drove me. My mind cannot take it, so its fight or flight. Both also I have taken.

Z is so careful, only open my msg at late night so I won't know his availability. Or he could be so busy that he got no time for me. Either way, it doesn't matter anymore.

My being knows I am lovable even if my mind doesn't.

1. Issue
Transformation
Zen is for those daring souls who can drop all belief, unbelief, doubt, reason, mind and simply enter into their pure existence without boundaries. But it brings a tremendous transformation.
A moment comes suddenly that u see it, which has been eluding u ur whole life.
This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity". It is very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up, knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night, he became enlightened.

Soul
Yea, yesterday night I stop reading. I told myself I have done what I can. I don't know how to resolve this issue with Z. Alas, answer came this morning. The issue was my subsconscious "unlovability" which I no longer believe.

2. Internal influence
Rebirth
In Zen, u r coming from nowhere and u r going to nowhere. Everything passes u by, ur consciousness reflects it but it does not get identified.
It is a time of growth and change.

3. External influence of which u r aware
Turning in
When going stops, journeying disappears; when desiring is no more clouding ur mind, u r in.
The antics of the mind are slightly amusing, as it jumps up and down and twists this way and seduce u into the game.
To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings. It is what meditation is all about.
U r now ready to watch the show without getting caught up in the drama.

Soul
Yea.

4. What is needed for resolution?
New Vision
The figure on this card is being born anew, emerging from his earthbound roots and growing wings to fly into the unbounded.
Now u know from experience that the dark are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colour to penetrate us, we become more integrated.

5. Resolution
Mind
The cloud of mind has to be dropped. And it is with ur decision to drop it that it will disappear. U r clinging to it - the cloud is not interested in u, remember it.

Soul
Yea, just now mind again send a msg on Z. I look and waive it. It is no longer important. What Z does or not is because of him.


Osho - Chung Tze
There was no need to fight and there was no need to escape. The only thing needed was just to move into the shade and sit still.
Let things take their own course. U simply close ur yes and move inside to the center.
God is said to have no shadow. The God within u has no shadow because no outside penetrates there. It cannot penetrate; it is always in the shade.
So, don't listen to ur mind. Just sit with deep trust that ur inner nature will take over. U only have to wait, only patience is needed. And whatsoever the mind says, simply don't listen to it.

Soul
Shadow is our subconscious, our past, our conditioning.
Similar to my this week Osho.