Facing the Parent in others...not as difficult as before

Sept 19 Aft
Today's 7thunders.com card
Five of Diamond
At its deepest level, the Five of Diamonds signals a time when u will undergo a change in values. If our values, or what we really want from life, changes, it is likely that many other changes will occur at the same time.
We could move to a new location, get a new job or even change rships.

Soul
True. I still miss Z but there is no anxiousness nor expectation. We r both following our own dreams. I dreamed of my partner with me this coming new year dinner.

Sept 19 Eve
Wow, what a day! To face the Parent in Sl. Such heavy Parent. I was getting angry, then I realised that it was hurting. She kept on saying I was not good and E was good. Talking to me was quite pointless. Saying that when she leave the company, things goes on well, that's another side of saying things not on well for me. So much judgement.
When she asked more and I told her I don't know. I replied I didn't ask. She keep on saying how can I allow it. I said I can work with uncertainty, I can live with mistake. I said what I inform her was what E told me and Ze. She said she cannot believe it cos E is very good at explaining. She said since I had the file for so long, why I didn't act on it. I said it was not due yet and we moved on to other things.

Then in the finale, she said E doesn't want to explain in detail to us as he felt me and Ze couldn't get it and he doesn't want to waste time. Such a heavy bomb. I replied that I don't ask for too much detailed. She said she need more detailed so she can do a good job and not make mistake. Well, for me, mistake can be made.

She even went to the extent of asking why I took up the job then. I told her that's why I am leaving now cos I don't like it.

I didn't want to explain that the job is low level to me cos that would make her look bad. I didn't want to tell her that I am not good at execution, I am only good at giving direction.

When she was giving such heavy handed judgment, I gave myself an inner pep talk. Need not be affected, she has her strength, but it won't be easy for her to go up the corporate ladder.

I told her there are instance where E deliberately used a higher figure and I just let it be. She judged me for letting it happen. She said I help Z to 'cheat' others. Then when I said I acted under instruction for biz, she then changed the story and defended E and said she understood why E does it, as there are plus and minus. I just looked at her, wrong is wrong, we need not find reason to justify our actions.
No wonder she can symphatise with her 'bad' boss.

And the beauty of this is I know E for nearly 2 years and here she keep on asserting she knows E better than me eventhough she just reported to E about 3 months only. Granted both of them in the same pace..but it doesn't mean she knows E better than me.

Father, I also realised something. She needed so much information before she can start. To me, that means she is not that smart, or perhaps she is afraid. It is just like a driver that has a good sense direction is naturally afraid of getting lost. For me, I don't need it cos I don't mind getting lost.

Father, I can now see the similarity between her and YY. Both also on Parent mode. But YY's sting is not as much as Sl. In Sl case, her arrogance shines thru.

Father, thank U. What a finale. Perfect. My hidden Parent is uncovered and Sl no longer affect me like those days. I was laughing throughout my drive home. Thank U for the breakthru. I have reached a good place after nearly 10 years. I have finally accepted myself even if others, like Sl and Z doesn't.

On E, I knew he like me.

Also, on Sl. I used to want her approval. But now I see the people she approve are those like hers. I am not same type like her, so no way she approve. And I don't want to be like her.

(Sept 30 - When I read this, I tot I sounded bit defensive and I was like jealous of her and E. Then I was jealous of her saying E is good boss vs me. I too faced the same 'feelings' in the past whenever she praise her ex-boss. And now history repeat itself.
Now alas I realised I would never be a good boss in her eyes. She wanted a different type of boss, one who provides detailed explanation, knows how to execute and delegate. I am the type that need others to execute, I can only set direction..but I am good with people and also a good strategist. )


Osho - Daya
What is meant by remembering the divine?
If a man considers himself to be the peak as he is, he will live in sorrow and then be finished - just as no flowers will ever blossom if a seed assumes itself to be the end of things. A seed has to transcend, it has to go beyond itself. It is when man also tries to go beyond himself that he remembers the divine.

Remembering God means
I don't end at myself, more is possible. More than myself is possible. My circumference is not the ultimate circumference of my existence. I can be big, I can be vast, I can expand.

Soul
Amen.