Finally no longer seek approval from my ex-staff (my outer Parent)

Sept 20

Father, I slept around 12 am yesterday cos I worked late till 8.30 pm, reach home 9 plus and I tot to do only shoonya but it took longer and I have my dinner around 10 plus pm.
Wake up at 5.15 am to the alarm but head was feeling heavy cos jolted from deep sleep and I think I was having a dream. I knew I am not in the right frame so I slept back and wake up 6.10 am, just doing guru pooja and shambavi. I finished by 7.06 am. I had to force myself to come out. Of course, it would be better with shakti and breathing.

Had some negative tots on Sl but I waived it off. She is harmless but its just her Parent. What a wonderful life! Everything happens for a reason. Now I knew why she is a karma card, cos she is my mirror of my hidden Parent. Seventeen years ago I am not aware when I met YY and ten years ago, when I met SL. But now I knew. On the surface, not the same but I got an unknown hidden Parent that drives.
Al is a driver, M is a driver, Jc is also a driver, E is a driver.

Osho
Nirvana is a state of unconditional acceptance. Wherever u r, if u can accept ur life with totality, with joy, with gratitude, if u can see ur life as a gift, then nirvana is never a problem. The problem arises only because u don't accept ur life, u reject life. And the moment u reject life u start looking for some other life and u become worried about whether it is going to be better than this life or not. It may be worse. That's what hell is: the fear of a worse life than this. And that is nirvana; the greed for a better life than this. But there is no other life; there is no hell, no heaven. Only fools are interested in such things.

Soul
I reached a good place. I am even ok with Sl rejecting me. It doesn't matter, besides I am not her type. I like the way I am.

Osho
Atheist are always more skillful as far as argumentation is concerned than theists. Theists are believers; they are gullible people. Atheists believe in logic and nothing else, and logic knows only how to deny. Logic has no idea of how to say yes. The word yes does not exist in the logician's mind, only "no".

Soul
Tot of E and Sl.


Osho
God is now and here.
There is only one way to know what is now and what is here, and that is meditation. One has to become utterly silent, because mind is always going either backwards or forwards; either it moves into memories or into imagination. It never stays here, it never remains in the now, for the simple reason that to be in the now means the death of the mind. It is afraid of the now, it is afraid of the present.

Soul
Amen. Yea, I knew. Today felt not as great as 3 meditations