Auto control mode from the past is trying to assert itself

Sept 14 Aft

Finally know why i am feeling restless.
Guess feeling not in control..

Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world is moving--call it God...he is doing things. They are happening of their own accord. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any effort; there is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be." The essential man is not a doer. The accidental man is a doer. The accidental man is, of course, then in anxiety, tension, stress, anguish, continuously sitting on a volcano. It can erupt any moment, because he lives in a world of uncertainty and believes as if it is certain. This creates tension in his be-ing: he knows deep down that nothing is certain.

Soul
It is truly not easy for me to go with the Flow.
Why do I feel I am at losing end?
Why???
Father, a tot came...my belief..that I am complete with a partner.
Again, back to beliefs.

Father, please help me to get through this.
You brought him back into my life..and here I tot it is over.
It was great that you helped me to put up healthy parameter by writing the mail to him.

Today card is Six of Diamonds.
Whenever this powerful stabilizing influence is present in your cards you can bet there will be some sort of settling of accounts. Though this usually takes the form of financial debts being paid or repaid, it can manifest in payments of other forms of 'value'. The Six of Diamonds will also encourage you to make compromises where money is concerned and to take full responsibility for all your debts and actions that involve exchange of value.

Soul
But I can't say, I am feeling it yet.