My Truth flashed in front of me...what is my bad..is also my good

Sept 21 eve 3

Osho - Adhyatma Upanishad
Nobody can put u right except u urself.
The master teaches u to be a master of urself - that is the true function of a master. He does not want u to depend on him. But the mind wants u to depend.
One who is not ready to stake his very life will never be able to know the hidden mysteries of life. Religion are for those who are ready to enter into the impossible. 
In this world, everything can be given to u by force; only truth cannot, because truth can never become slavery. The very nature of truth is freedom.
Only ur willingness, ur openness, ur receptivity, ur invitation, ur heart full of gratitude.

Soul
Ruling card Ace of Diamonds has little values and is always open; that's why vulnerable in this outer world. But in the inner world, I m like a great sponge. That's true also for my North node in Taurus.
Father, two side to a coin. My low valuation hurts me in outer world but liberates me in inner world.
I have been setting parameter on inner world but not outer world. Only when I dropped some parameters on food and Sadhguru that I can see my issue of no parameters in outside world.
Father, it is me again.
Suddenly I understand what Sadhguru meant by dissolving likes and dislikes. They are parameters we set either consciously or unconsciously.
The parameter we sets against everything relationship, either inner or outer determines the outcome.
In inner world, being able to be open, ie zero parameter is the key to receiving.
In the outer world, we need to set the right parameters accordingly so it won't affect our inner world.
So the key issue is Discrimination or like Sadhguru says Do the right thing and right thing will happen.

The reality is how many of us admit that we don't have discrimination; that we are not intelligent, that we created the bad outcome; that we could be stupid to make the same mistakes again and again and then said its karma or its God's doing.

It is only with Ace that I can allow myself to be humble enough to see that I m an ass.
Father, my whole life flashed in front of me. No one to be blame except myself. Lack of intelligence. Now I understand why Sadhguru says Clarity is most important. Without clarity we can't see we are wrong, so we keep prolonging our mistakes, our suffering. And only when we wanted to end suffering that we seek. Only in dire thirst, we seek. And I was thirsty cos I don't believe I m meant for suffering.


Osho - Adhyatma Upanishad
If ur heart becomes like the earth before the rainy season, when it is thirsty for water and develops wide cracks due to the parching summer heat - as if it had opened up its lips here and there anticipating the rains - then truth enters.
Otherwise truth turns back even from ur very doorstep. Many times it has turned back, in many lifetimes.

Soul
I must had turn away truth many lifetimes and suffers. Hence this lifetime my dream is Queen of Spades - Self mastery.
Thanks to Ruling card I m able to follow my destiny without much hurdles. And also thanks to my Ruling, the suffering I had in outer world prod me to inner world. Truly suffering is blessing.

Father, thank You.
Didn't expect this. I was already so grateful for the unexpected discovery that Z was a player and was released from him and my life jinx on romantic relationship.
Now able to release from my Ruling card too. Amen.

As soon as I finished writing, waves of tears comes out from nowhere. I feel overwhelm by gratefulness for the release of my life. Then moments later the tears subside and I exploded into laughter. Life.