Finally seeing my whole karmic issue on personal and romantic relationships

Sept 18

Tot of Z, he was an asshole in relationship and I was an ass. No anger; just facts.
In order to preserve the holding on; I not only ignored his 'badness', I also ignored my goodness. Double whammy. No wonder can preserve the illusive relationship on my own as he has already left a year ago and even got himself married. 

Remembering my first karma card in Ruling - Two of Diamonds really brought thing in perspective. Now I can understand what S went through.

Father, suddenly I tot Z was a controller too. Whenever I brought up his issue on spending beyond his means, he keeps on hitting back saying that I m carrying money to my grave.

Father, knowing my idealistic view on relationship, my issue on low parameters on relationship and my difficulty of leaving bad relationship furthers reaffirm the need for me to set parameters. What an irony, me a Control freak....didn't set controls on the relationships that can scare me the most. What I did previously was to control in not having...but when I open up I let in bad case...and then fear come and I closed up. Well, now I know it is because of not setting parameters that led bad ones in. Father, can finally see my whole karmic issue.

Sadhguru says that success only comes if u do the right thing. I did the right thing with work and family.  But no on personal and romantic relationship.

Did my practices. Not feeling well but I think better than yesterday. Asanas were fine despite some pain in left elbow and right elbow. Probably because of abnormal sleep posture as I m using two pillows so I can breathe easier.
Shakti was great. Shambavi was fine. Couldn't do well on Aum chanting cos voice is down. Towards the end just contentment. Plough back was fine too.
Main thing is little tots. Only tots of past was he is an asshole and I was an ass. No further tots after that.

What a release. Never expect this.