We truly at different ends - me in Spiritual and him in Physical

Sept 12 aft 1

Father, the Past is back in my life.
You asked me to go with the Flow.
Since he is back, I can't delete him. He is back for good with his wife.
I will have to face this squarely.
Yesterday I know I couldn't do it.
I will not check the relationship card in Tarot. I am determined to end this karmic relationship.
I cannot let this hanging on my head.

Relationship Card

Me
Consciousness
But this card of Consciousness shows a vast Buddha figure. He is so expansive he has gone even beyond the stars, and above his head is pure emptiness. He represents the consciousness that is available to all who become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be. When you choose this card, it means that there is a crystal clarity available right now, detached, rooted in the deep stillness that lies at the core of your being. There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind--the understanding you have now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself. Accept this great gift, and share it.

Soul
Exactly my tots earlier. I don't want to come from my mind. There is no resolution from the mind; it only prolongs it. From my Being, there is no problem at all. I need to bridge this.
I just said earlier to use my mind by changing its belief instead. The big picture of detachment from having a partner; from thinking that i can only be complete with a partner.

Him
Dream
If you watch man, if you watch yourself deeply, you will be surprised--all your activities can be reduced to one single source. The source is that you are afraid of your aloneness. Everything else is just an excuse. The real cause is that you find yourself very alone.

Soul
He is just back for the social reason, he wants to have social standing. Earlier he tot that without being married he can't do that. It is just another social ladder to him. Thats why he has even more initiative vs previously. Probably wanted to show the wife that he is into it; truly he is not except for the social part.

Like Osho, he is not trying to wound me. He is not sensitive, he tot i am over him just as he is over me.
He didn't know that his over started from last December whereas mine just start from this year June.
(Sept 14 - went for an event and noted that for their culture, the marriage proposal can be issued within a week of meet up. They hooked on fast..and unhooked as quick)

Composite Energy
Trust
Don't waste your life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. Then this life is no longer ordinary life, it becomes full of God, overflowing.

Soul
Yea...to ignore my mind...and to trust that Universe is arranging this for me.


4. The Insight
Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own. Things are happening, the world is moving--call it God...he is doing things. They are happening of their own accord. There is no need for me to make any struggle, any effort; there is no need for me to fight for anything. I can relax and be." The essential man is not a doer. The accidental man is a doer. The accidental man is, of course, then in anxiety, tension, stress, anguish, continuously sitting on a volcano. It can erupt any moment, because he lives in a world of uncertainty and believes as if it is certain. This creates tension in his be-ing: he knows deep down that nothing is certain.

Soul
Exactly what I was feeling this first half day.
I am back.

Just remember Ace of Spades just started on 24 August. About 3 weeks has past, and another 4 weeks to go.
Need not feel lost of control.
Need not judge myself.
Today is just Thursday; another 3 days to go.
And if I can do my Friendliness card and achieve my Aloneness card; there is always next week.


(Sept 14 - body feeling bit limp since yesterday; got bit of sore throat. Guess its me over work on my issue again.)

Mmmm..I am glad; something positive.