Freedom to cry and wail - I can finally cry without holding back

Sept 26 eve
Driving home listening to radio on love songs. Suddenly tots went into past. Feeling nostalgic. Bit sad I got no one and the past is now no more. Not sure of future.
I told myself I want to rest. No more searching. I just want to accept myself without a partner.
Got this from Sadhguru FB.

Sadhguru
To be in company is sweet. To be alone is absolute.

Soul
Yeas.

Just did my Shoonya. Suddenly I cried loads. Finished 10 pieces of tissues. I cried that I feel alone. I cried that I still miss Z despite knowing I should not. I cried that the challenge is so difficult. I cried that I m truly so lovable; never hurt anyone, never asked anything. I just give love.
I cried that I can't take anymore challenge. No more and I find my hand moving up saying no more. I felt I was a child again.
I m not confident of facing anymore challenge. I cried that I prefer to be alone than to face challenges again.
The last time I cried so much was when I received Z's wedding card. But this time I cried without holding back or stopping intermittently.

Now again I m sick. I recalled reading that flu or excess mucus is due to unshed tears. Possible as it is difficult for me to cry. I recalled I fell sick too when I received Z's wedding card.

Compared to last June when I had to give myself permission to cry. This time I cry freely like a child. Just crying continuously without auto stop alarm. I like that. I finally liberate myself to cry. Auto stop no longer there. Amen.

Father, no more challenges. I no longer want to prove myself. I just want to learn to accept myself.

Volume 5 is on recovery. Volume 6 will be on self acceptance. I will start with accepting the Ruling Ace of Diamonds. Amen.

From FB.
Haruki Murakami
Sometimes the hardest storm to get through is what ur soul need most.
And once the storm is over, u won't remember how u made it through, how u managed to survive.
But survive, u did.
And one thing is certain: when you come out of the storm, u won't be the same person who walked in.
That's what the storm is all about.

Just read this in FB - Gigi Galluzzo
There is a reason for all the glorious seasons
Change as the seasons do and delight in the wonder and goodness that arise when we allowed change to be enjoyed, no matter the weather.