Self judgement is also psychological mode

Sept 12 aft

Just did my Shoonya. Went in deep. So peaceful, so contented.
I am complete on my own.

Came with a message, in my being, everything is OK. in my psychological mode, things are not ok.
I will persevere.
Instead of seeing the presence of the Past in my present life as suffering. I want to have another alternative view.
Give me something positive.

Was updating my blog and saw this:
Osho - razor edge
Shame, fear and self-condemnation, they all need energy from u, ur support. On the surface u think u want to get rid of them, but deep down u r supporting them; otherwise, they cannot exist. They are parasites.

Love is ur being, and these things have come from the outside. Doubts have been created by people who are giving u beliefs. If u don't have any belief, u don't have doubt.

Soul
Yea, instead of focusing on negative tots. Use my mind instead to create positive one.
Whenever past comes in, watch my breathe...says I am complete on my own.
I also recalled my life spread Saturn Nine of Hearts in Ruling - whatever the circumstances of ending, let it go.
If I stay in my mind, many reasons for me to be angry with him, to judge myself, to be angry at God for bringing him back an etc. load of reasons.
But the price to pay is to lose touch of my Being, my peace. And it is not worth it. I am not going to do this to myself.

Today card.
Queen of Club in Jupiter
The Queen of Clubs is a card of great intuition, good organizational ability and the desire to serve and nurture others with some form of knowledge or information. Like the King of Clubs, she has much authority and power. But her power comes more from the receptive side of her nature. She knows things before they happen and operates on a high mental vibration. She can be high strung and impatient.

Soul
Just be patient. Don't judge myself.
I am doing very well.
I need not judge myself to the Perfection Being. I am not there yet.
I am only in my Being when I close my eyes.
I am back...
Just remember it may spiral a bit but I can only go forward.
Amen

Yea...I can now see my disturbance. I was impatient..feels not in control.
Feeling better now.
Amen