Suppresion happens when I ignored my needs and didn't set parameters

Sept 13 morn 1

Father, alas can see where were this week Osho cards leading me.

1. The Issue
Sharing
When u draw this card, it suggests that u have opportunity to share ur love, ur joy and ur laughter. And in sharing, u feel even more full.  Everything around u seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground urself in it, and let the abundance in u and around u overflow.

Soul
Yes. True. I m now connecting with nature. Connecting with Sadhguru.


2.  Internal influence
Suppression
In Sanskrit, the name is alaya vigyan, the house where u go on throwing into the basement things that u want to do but u cannot, because of social conditions, culture, civilisation.
But they go on collecting there, and they affect ur actions, ur life, very indirectly. Directly, they cannot face u - u have forced them into darkness, but from the dark side they go on influencing ur behaviour. They are dangerous, it is dangerous to keep all those inhibitions inside u. The danger of suppressing one's natural energy in this way is apparent in the cracks of volcanic eruption about to take place.
Find a healing outlet for this potential explosion. Don't wait for catastrophe to happen.

Soul
Last week elbow pain came and this week shoulder pain. My mom influenced me the most. She always tell me that we have to give cos we have more.
Now looking back my control issue kept everything locked inside. Afraid to express my feelings, both sadness and anger. Afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to ask for what I need.
No wonder I feel responsibility is suffering.
Setting parameters in relationship is important. Infact I used to say my mom should have set parameters. At work I do well cos I set parameters. I m not afraid of losing their validation and infact I assert my rights.
Father, the same needs to be applied to relationship. If I don't set parameters and assert my right I won't feel fulfilled in the rship, the other party dont know how i feel and end results is resentment or in my case explosion. Ending would be imminent. My mail to Z may seems to be illogical from mind's point of view; being vulnerable. But it doesn't matter. At least he knows why I can't be welcome him back into my life yet.
Father, sharing of love includes me. I have been resentful cos I was not giving to me. Setting proper parameters in relationship is giving back to me.