Dec 13 Eve
Father, You send ur messengers to me today. I was supposed to meet E over his job offer. I have already turn down his offer a few times and infact told him not to meet so as not to waste his time.
But you send me a few messengers.
1. MD telling me another huge drop in revenue, which further reduce the size of company.
2. Regional boss telling me to include a bunch of third party staff costs.
3. Boss telling me to go find another job. Me sharing with boss that I got opportunity but I didn't take it up. She advised me to be open and seriously consider the offer.
4. My staff came in to tell me he got 2 job offers but he wanted to stay with me and asked me to counter offer.
But still I was not sure, except that I am willing to be open. Then I was stuck in traffic jam for nearly 2 hours and so I can do samyama. I was giggling for quite a while.
When I reach there and started the chat, it was good. It was open discussion and I even told him that work was not my Top 5, and work is now a means to my end. I also shared with him my Top 5. Only thing is I have not shared is RA.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Loving hata yoga (2) - flowing
Dec 13
Father, yesterday I just had soup, some bean and bit of meat for dinner. This morning I woke up refreshed despite sleeping in guest room.
The asanas were effortless and I was laughing throughout. Shakti was fine and I was laughing during aum in Shambavi. Then when the kriya ended, I was laughing throughout. I woke up 4.15 am and ended on 7.05 am. I will now adjust time to 4 am and don't do rice for dinner when there is soup. I feel more refreshed when I wake up for asanas, no more dozing off after hata or kriya.
Renovation has started and at the same time I felt flowing. Yesterday I was bit worried that the hotel we booked was in the area which we have friends. I was pondering how to avoid being seen and tot whether we should drive separately. Then I tot it is fine lah, just drive together.
Then had a tot of us and was bit off. I just shrugged it off, don't compare. At least, Z is now thinking of maybe children/marriage may not be the ultimate plan for him.
Father, yesterday I just had soup, some bean and bit of meat for dinner. This morning I woke up refreshed despite sleeping in guest room.
The asanas were effortless and I was laughing throughout. Shakti was fine and I was laughing during aum in Shambavi. Then when the kriya ended, I was laughing throughout. I woke up 4.15 am and ended on 7.05 am. I will now adjust time to 4 am and don't do rice for dinner when there is soup. I feel more refreshed when I wake up for asanas, no more dozing off after hata or kriya.
Renovation has started and at the same time I felt flowing. Yesterday I was bit worried that the hotel we booked was in the area which we have friends. I was pondering how to avoid being seen and tot whether we should drive separately. Then I tot it is fine lah, just drive together.
Then had a tot of us and was bit off. I just shrugged it off, don't compare. At least, Z is now thinking of maybe children/marriage may not be the ultimate plan for him.
Loving hata yoga
Dec 12
Father, suria was great today. I was laughing from the first cycle. Today I complete by 6.22 am as I didn't doze off mid way. The air cond remote was spoilt. Since it was still early, I went back to sleep and wake up at 6.45 am with a dream.
I was feeling bit blur and miss a turn and had to pay toll.
Father, hope boss thing will be settled. Anyway, it is beyond my control.
Yesterday Z returned call and we chatted. This time I spoke more on Isha and I want him to continue.
Father, suria was great today. I was laughing from the first cycle. Today I complete by 6.22 am as I didn't doze off mid way. The air cond remote was spoilt. Since it was still early, I went back to sleep and wake up at 6.45 am with a dream.
I was feeling bit blur and miss a turn and had to pay toll.
Father, hope boss thing will be settled. Anyway, it is beyond my control.
Yesterday Z returned call and we chatted. This time I spoke more on Isha and I want him to continue.
Settling down with Z (28)
Dec 11
Father, today is sathsang day. Somehow there is no excitement for me. I have to remember it is sathsang day. I am totally relaxed about it.
Today I got Six of Spades and Z got Six of Hearts, we are getting more aligned.
Dec 11 Eve
Father, I miss Z. Tot of calling him but don't want him to know I miss him.
Today Sathsang was fine. I was relaxed and didn't feel I was a guide. I just participated along.
This feeling of missing him is not familiar. I don't want to miss him. He is not mine to miss. Of course, a tot came that we should let go since I am now too attached to him. It used to be once a week contact is enough but now I need twice a week.
Sadhguru said we r here to live, not to avoid life. Anyway, I msg him.
He called me back and we chatted. I also asked him why we are now only meeting once a month, he said its because of cashflow. He too wanted us to meet up more frequently. He wanted me to go to his place tonight.
Father, today is sathsang day. Somehow there is no excitement for me. I have to remember it is sathsang day. I am totally relaxed about it.
Today I got Six of Spades and Z got Six of Hearts, we are getting more aligned.
Dec 11 Eve
Father, I miss Z. Tot of calling him but don't want him to know I miss him.
Today Sathsang was fine. I was relaxed and didn't feel I was a guide. I just participated along.
This feeling of missing him is not familiar. I don't want to miss him. He is not mine to miss. Of course, a tot came that we should let go since I am now too attached to him. It used to be once a week contact is enough but now I need twice a week.
Sadhguru said we r here to live, not to avoid life. Anyway, I msg him.
He called me back and we chatted. I also asked him why we are now only meeting once a month, he said its because of cashflow. He too wanted us to meet up more frequently. He wanted me to go to his place tonight.
Going with flow..can also means to cry when I need to
Dec 10 Eve
After my cries, I continued with my blog. I felt good. I told myself, next time just have a good cry and release the tension. Holding it back only prolong it and I prolong by having attacking tots of him and him rejecting me. By acknowledging that I miss him and I want him, I cried and sadness is released.
An hour after my message, he replied and his batt was low and we did a few msg. He has good reason for not calling me back.
Father, in future, I will just cry when I feel the tension coming up.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Thunderbolt
Ur sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experience.
Soul
Yea, I felt insecure cos he affected me. Then I try to hold on and blame him for letting me feel insecure.
Once I saw the iso-lation about flowing tears, I just jump and let go of my tension and tears flow. A few moments later, I was laughing.
5. Resolution
Awareness
Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive and young.
Soul
Yea, I didn't believe my tots.
Success with Soul
Success is achieving quality relationship with ourselves, with others and with environment.
1. The individual
Creating quality relationship between the mind, the body and the soul
After my cries, I continued with my blog. I felt good. I told myself, next time just have a good cry and release the tension. Holding it back only prolong it and I prolong by having attacking tots of him and him rejecting me. By acknowledging that I miss him and I want him, I cried and sadness is released.
An hour after my message, he replied and his batt was low and we did a few msg. He has good reason for not calling me back.
Father, in future, I will just cry when I feel the tension coming up.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Thunderbolt
Ur sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experience.
Soul
Yea, I felt insecure cos he affected me. Then I try to hold on and blame him for letting me feel insecure.
Once I saw the iso-lation about flowing tears, I just jump and let go of my tension and tears flow. A few moments later, I was laughing.
5. Resolution
Awareness
Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive and young.
Soul
Yea, I didn't believe my tots.
Success with Soul
Success is achieving quality relationship with ourselves, with others and with environment.
1. The individual
Creating quality relationship between the mind, the body and the soul
Still handling my fear of abandonment....with Z..but it has improved
Dec 10 Aft
Some tots running on Z, mostly negative. He didn't return my call despite me asking. A tot came and I realised I had more expectation on him than others. Why do we place more condition on the one that we love than others?
I know he is probably busy with something. Need not take this as rejection. Need not project anything.
Father, I just ate one piece of sandwich, one pastry and a candy, together with coffee. But my body is rejecting it. I feel so full, which is not logical since my last meal was at 11 am.
Was updating blog and saw the journal I made on Oct 23, I said I no longer take his unreachability or his non-response personally. That if I wanted to, I just followed thru with a msg and will call me back.
Mmm, Father, I admit I am not as affected as before but remnant is still there. When will this end?
If it is said I create my own karma, I who is affected if people doesn't respond to me, it means they reject me, they don't validate me.
Wait a minute, Z said I am not the first one who complained about his unreachability. He heard the complaints so much that he was immuned to it. To him, he took the phone off as he doesn't want to be disturbed at all when he is at home, as most of the incoming call is business.
Well, I didn't let my tots disturbed me. I called but couldn't reach. Perhaps should have realised he is off-limits during weekend since he doesn't keep his phone with him. That's will save me from feeling not so good.
Saw this on my blog on Oct 24, my insight:
Whenever we tot we lose the external validation, we react by rejecting the external first. We tot we r safe but actually we just reinforce our dependence.
Aiyah, here I am reacting again. When I called for the second time and there is no response. I just msg him and asked if he is coming to sathsang.
A tot of he wanted to end us and etc and of me getting angry with him. Mmm, why all this?!!
3. External influence
Ice-olation
All of us at one time or another might feel that the only way to survive is to close off our feelings and emotions so we can't be hurt again.
It is okay to cry, and there is no reason to feel ashamed of our tears. Crying allows us to be gentle with ourselves and finally helps us to heal.
Soul
When I read this on Monday, I tot nothing here. Then I saw it being related to Sadhguru, being in existence vs being in self.
Now I feel jumbled about Z. Logically I know I need not but emotionally it is spinning. Just had a cry, and I felt better.
Some tots running on Z, mostly negative. He didn't return my call despite me asking. A tot came and I realised I had more expectation on him than others. Why do we place more condition on the one that we love than others?
I know he is probably busy with something. Need not take this as rejection. Need not project anything.
Father, I just ate one piece of sandwich, one pastry and a candy, together with coffee. But my body is rejecting it. I feel so full, which is not logical since my last meal was at 11 am.
Was updating blog and saw the journal I made on Oct 23, I said I no longer take his unreachability or his non-response personally. That if I wanted to, I just followed thru with a msg and will call me back.
Mmm, Father, I admit I am not as affected as before but remnant is still there. When will this end?
If it is said I create my own karma, I who is affected if people doesn't respond to me, it means they reject me, they don't validate me.
Wait a minute, Z said I am not the first one who complained about his unreachability. He heard the complaints so much that he was immuned to it. To him, he took the phone off as he doesn't want to be disturbed at all when he is at home, as most of the incoming call is business.
Well, I didn't let my tots disturbed me. I called but couldn't reach. Perhaps should have realised he is off-limits during weekend since he doesn't keep his phone with him. That's will save me from feeling not so good.
Saw this on my blog on Oct 24, my insight:
Whenever we tot we lose the external validation, we react by rejecting the external first. We tot we r safe but actually we just reinforce our dependence.
Aiyah, here I am reacting again. When I called for the second time and there is no response. I just msg him and asked if he is coming to sathsang.
A tot of he wanted to end us and etc and of me getting angry with him. Mmm, why all this?!!
3. External influence
Ice-olation
All of us at one time or another might feel that the only way to survive is to close off our feelings and emotions so we can't be hurt again.
It is okay to cry, and there is no reason to feel ashamed of our tears. Crying allows us to be gentle with ourselves and finally helps us to heal.
Soul
When I read this on Monday, I tot nothing here. Then I saw it being related to Sadhguru, being in existence vs being in self.
Now I feel jumbled about Z. Logically I know I need not but emotionally it is spinning. Just had a cry, and I felt better.
Creating your future
Dec 10
Success with Soul (Doris Pozzi and Stephen Williams)
Personal growth requires personal change; change that must start from within the individual. It must start with a person's values, beliefs, commitment and attitudes.
Where the mind goes, the body will follow
To achieve something, it must be created twice. First, it must be created in the mind; it must be visualised. Only then can it be created in form and realised in the world.
We create the future in our mind. When we don't set goals, we tend to drift along from day to day. With tangible goals and a clear vision of what we want to achieve, we tend to move towards that vision.
Achieving success certainly requires being able to recognise opportunities. It is also being flexible and adaptive. Viewing ourselves and the world around us a complex system increases our ability to be flexible and recognise opportunities.
To achieve success with real meaning, being is an important dynamic is our lives, along with knowing and doing.
Sadhguru
The law of karma
Karma means action. All actions are interwoven and interconnected in nature. As a result, we are never isolated from our action.
Karma helps us think about building successful habits. Karma teaches us that we need to concentrate on creating positive patterns of action.
Succes with Soul
To determine what success means to us we need to clarify our personal values, the deeply held beliefs or principles that influence our attitudes and actions. Without a very strong sense of who we are and what our personal values are, it is difficult to define and achieve personal success - particularly personal success that is truly meaningful.
Successful people
Requires commitment.
We often wish we could achieve this sort of success - the outward trappings of it, anyway. We think much less often about the hard work and hardship that were required to get there.
Sure, some of these people may be more intelligent that we think we are. But often the key factor leading to their success was a single-minded commitment and dedication. It was "perspiration, not just inspiration". They requires years of intensive preparation.
In any field, people who want to be creative must expect to invest enormous amount of time and effort in their profession and even then it may not be enough. The effort involved goes far beyond the hours a normal job requires.
Creation requires an input of energy. The more u want to achieve, the more energy u must put in. That physical and mental energy must come from somewhere and it must be focused. It is important enough for u to give a lot of urself
Contrast this to a balanced lifestyle, where energy is spread around thinly - a little here and a little there.
Success also requires creative change. Creative change requires us to shift out of our comfort zone, to think and act in new ways. Balance gets in the way of success because it stifles creativity and obstructs change.
Discipline and commitment are important allies for people who want to be creative and successful
A balanced lifestyle places the focus on tactical concerns, rather than on important strategic issues. Once u have clarified ur values and begin to operate in alignment with these, balance will cease to be an issue in ur life. U will focus on what is truly important to u.
Success with Soul (Doris Pozzi and Stephen Williams)
Personal growth requires personal change; change that must start from within the individual. It must start with a person's values, beliefs, commitment and attitudes.
Where the mind goes, the body will follow
To achieve something, it must be created twice. First, it must be created in the mind; it must be visualised. Only then can it be created in form and realised in the world.
We create the future in our mind. When we don't set goals, we tend to drift along from day to day. With tangible goals and a clear vision of what we want to achieve, we tend to move towards that vision.
Achieving success certainly requires being able to recognise opportunities. It is also being flexible and adaptive. Viewing ourselves and the world around us a complex system increases our ability to be flexible and recognise opportunities.
To achieve success with real meaning, being is an important dynamic is our lives, along with knowing and doing.
Sadhguru
The law of karma
Karma means action. All actions are interwoven and interconnected in nature. As a result, we are never isolated from our action.
Karma helps us think about building successful habits. Karma teaches us that we need to concentrate on creating positive patterns of action.
Succes with Soul
To determine what success means to us we need to clarify our personal values, the deeply held beliefs or principles that influence our attitudes and actions. Without a very strong sense of who we are and what our personal values are, it is difficult to define and achieve personal success - particularly personal success that is truly meaningful.
Successful people
Requires commitment.
We often wish we could achieve this sort of success - the outward trappings of it, anyway. We think much less often about the hard work and hardship that were required to get there.
Sure, some of these people may be more intelligent that we think we are. But often the key factor leading to their success was a single-minded commitment and dedication. It was "perspiration, not just inspiration". They requires years of intensive preparation.
In any field, people who want to be creative must expect to invest enormous amount of time and effort in their profession and even then it may not be enough. The effort involved goes far beyond the hours a normal job requires.
Creation requires an input of energy. The more u want to achieve, the more energy u must put in. That physical and mental energy must come from somewhere and it must be focused. It is important enough for u to give a lot of urself
Contrast this to a balanced lifestyle, where energy is spread around thinly - a little here and a little there.
Success also requires creative change. Creative change requires us to shift out of our comfort zone, to think and act in new ways. Balance gets in the way of success because it stifles creativity and obstructs change.
Discipline and commitment are important allies for people who want to be creative and successful
A balanced lifestyle places the focus on tactical concerns, rather than on important strategic issues. Once u have clarified ur values and begin to operate in alignment with these, balance will cease to be an issue in ur life. U will focus on what is truly important to u.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Settling down with Z (27)
Dec 9
Father, I called Z but no response. I called him twice and then leave msg.
For the first time, I don't feel a thing that he didn't receive my call. Partly due to the fact that we already discussed on him not wanting his phone. Partly to do with me knowing this moment is inevitable.
Father, I called Z but no response. I called him twice and then leave msg.
For the first time, I don't feel a thing that he didn't receive my call. Partly due to the fact that we already discussed on him not wanting his phone. Partly to do with me knowing this moment is inevitable.
When you flow, u stop recreating your karma
Dec 8
Father, my alarm was changed to 6.45 am and I forgot about it. This morning I woke up feeling alert and wonder why alarm hasn't rang and tot perhaps I have changed to 4.15 am and hence I just close my eyes and when I woke up next, I tot this is not right and I went to check the phone and it was already 6.37. am.
I showered and for a moment tot I don't feel so good without my practice and start to feel bit off. Then I stop, I can't go back to past. Just move on and I felt better. Besides, I don't do my practice when I go on holiday.
Father, my this week Osho coincides with IE.
External
Ice-olation
We are miserable because we are too much in the self. Either u can be in existence or u can be in the self - both are not possible together.
To be in the self means to be apart, to be separate.
To be in the self means to become an island.
To be in the self means to draw a boundary line around u.
To be in the self means to make a distinction between "this I am" and "this I am not".
The definition, the boundary, between "I" and "not I" is what the self is - the self isolates.
And it makes u frozen, u r no longer flowing.
If u r not flowing, life cannot exist.
What is needed for resolution
Thunderbolt
What meditation does, slowly, slowly, a good shout of the master, unexpectedly, in the situation where the disciple was asking question...suddenly he got it. Because it was so sudden, out of the blue - he could never have conceived it.
Soul
This is the key; This moment is inevitable. By reacting, I create my own karma and perpetuate my life and hence not transformation, no freedom. By accepting, I am friends with everyone and everything, I don't create any karma, I am freed.
I didn't expect this from IEO. At first was resisting and when I knew there is no choice I open up. And then I heard about the money, I become receptive. But still I was reluctant to start the lesson and infact was the last in line.
I started first lesson and was hooked and now on my fifth lesson.
5. Resolution
Awareness
Only no-mind is revolutionary - revolution in action.
Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is.
The awareness that is growing in u now is not the result of any conscious "doing", nor do u need to struggle to make something happen. Any sense u might have that u have been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or will be dissolving soon.
Let urself settle, and remember deep inside u r just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged.
A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help u to become detached and a new awareness will lift the veil from ur eyes.
Soul
Yea, this moment is inevitable.
Queen of Spades
The card of self-mastery, the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the "Spiritual Spread".
Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organisational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.
Soul
So true today.
Father, my alarm was changed to 6.45 am and I forgot about it. This morning I woke up feeling alert and wonder why alarm hasn't rang and tot perhaps I have changed to 4.15 am and hence I just close my eyes and when I woke up next, I tot this is not right and I went to check the phone and it was already 6.37. am.
I showered and for a moment tot I don't feel so good without my practice and start to feel bit off. Then I stop, I can't go back to past. Just move on and I felt better. Besides, I don't do my practice when I go on holiday.
Father, my this week Osho coincides with IE.
External
Ice-olation
We are miserable because we are too much in the self. Either u can be in existence or u can be in the self - both are not possible together.
To be in the self means to be apart, to be separate.
To be in the self means to become an island.
To be in the self means to draw a boundary line around u.
To be in the self means to make a distinction between "this I am" and "this I am not".
The definition, the boundary, between "I" and "not I" is what the self is - the self isolates.
And it makes u frozen, u r no longer flowing.
If u r not flowing, life cannot exist.
What is needed for resolution
Thunderbolt
What meditation does, slowly, slowly, a good shout of the master, unexpectedly, in the situation where the disciple was asking question...suddenly he got it. Because it was so sudden, out of the blue - he could never have conceived it.
Soul
This is the key; This moment is inevitable. By reacting, I create my own karma and perpetuate my life and hence not transformation, no freedom. By accepting, I am friends with everyone and everything, I don't create any karma, I am freed.
I didn't expect this from IEO. At first was resisting and when I knew there is no choice I open up. And then I heard about the money, I become receptive. But still I was reluctant to start the lesson and infact was the last in line.
I started first lesson and was hooked and now on my fifth lesson.
5. Resolution
Awareness
Only no-mind is revolutionary - revolution in action.
Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is.
The awareness that is growing in u now is not the result of any conscious "doing", nor do u need to struggle to make something happen. Any sense u might have that u have been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or will be dissolving soon.
Let urself settle, and remember deep inside u r just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged.
A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help u to become detached and a new awareness will lift the veil from ur eyes.
Soul
Yea, this moment is inevitable.
Queen of Spades
The card of self-mastery, the one that sits in the position of highest accomplishment and recognition in what we call the "Spiritual Spread".
Whenever this card appears, we are given a special opportunity to achieve much success in our external life by mastering ourselves within. This means creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.
Queen of Spades is a hard-working woman card and a good manager as well so we can also expect success in work and organisational ability whenever she appears in our spreads.
Soul
So true today.
It is wonderful to be human - just go with the flow
Dec 7
Father, today I finished my practice at 6.10 am, first time. Suria was quite effortless despite my initial resistance. I know I didn't doze during the resting time. Perhaps too little time on breathing meditation. Father, I am thinking I can skip breathing meditation now as it was a preparatory tool for samyama and these days I can already do that. So, I will wake up 4.15 am instead of 3.45 am.
Osho
Internal influence
We are the world
Life has been given to u to create, to rejoice and to celebrate. On in celebration do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
Humanity is depicted here as a rainbow of beings, dancing around the mandala of the earth with their joined together in joy and gratitude for the gift of life.
Soul
I have got this card before but I was not able to relate to it. Yesterday, I was feeling this in IEO lesson 4. I felt that I want to spread the news that it is wonderful to be human.
All the while I believed that we are here to be happy and alas I know that we are truly here to be happy. It is just us resisting every moments of life that is causing us unhappiness.
I wanted to bring this knowledge to others. I am going to write to Tina on what is the process to register myself as IEO marketer. This is what I be doing when I go on 3 days week next year. I am Isha IEO promoter, I also have a book. Suddenly I tot of writing a book on my Isha journey.
3. External influence
Ice-olation
To be in the self means to make a distinction between "this I am" and "that I am not". This boundary between "I" and "not I" is what the self is -- the self isolates.
If u r flowing, the self cannot exist.
Soul
Yesterday Sadhguru said that when we resist, we create enemies, when we accept, we naturally become friends. Whatever we resist, results in exaggeration and our perception become distorted. Sadhguru said we live in our psychological mind, we don't live in reality. We are too much in the self and that's why our peace can be hijacked easily.
4. What is needed for resolution
Thunderbolt
This inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences.
5. The understanding
Awareness
The veil of illusion that has been keeping u from perceiving reality as it is, is starting to burn away. Any sense u might have had that you've been groping in the dark is dissolving now. Let urself settle, and remember deep inside, u r just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged.
Soul
Suddenly I tot that if we just cultivate awareness that every moment is inevitable, all resistance will dissolve.
To write to Tina on what is the process to register myself as IEO marketer.
Have just send email to teacher asking for the process to obtain money for IEO promotion. I recalled that 2 years ago I said I will be Isha promoter and here I am now pursuing it. Father, I am going for 3 days week next year. I already got approval to hire a Snr Accountant and Admin, Snr Exec. With that I can then promote my Finance Manager to Finance & Admin Manager next year. She will handle the other division, which is all back end.
To write to Tina on what is the process to register myself as IEO marketer.
52 days - Jupiter
Three of Spades
The most creative cards in the deck. It means we r working two jobs at the same time. We will be successful during period in Jupiter and when we r able to direct our energies into creative enterprise.
Father, today I finished my practice at 6.10 am, first time. Suria was quite effortless despite my initial resistance. I know I didn't doze during the resting time. Perhaps too little time on breathing meditation. Father, I am thinking I can skip breathing meditation now as it was a preparatory tool for samyama and these days I can already do that. So, I will wake up 4.15 am instead of 3.45 am.
Osho
Internal influence
We are the world
Life has been given to u to create, to rejoice and to celebrate. On in celebration do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
Humanity is depicted here as a rainbow of beings, dancing around the mandala of the earth with their joined together in joy and gratitude for the gift of life.
Soul
I have got this card before but I was not able to relate to it. Yesterday, I was feeling this in IEO lesson 4. I felt that I want to spread the news that it is wonderful to be human.
All the while I believed that we are here to be happy and alas I know that we are truly here to be happy. It is just us resisting every moments of life that is causing us unhappiness.
I wanted to bring this knowledge to others. I am going to write to Tina on what is the process to register myself as IEO marketer. This is what I be doing when I go on 3 days week next year. I am Isha IEO promoter, I also have a book. Suddenly I tot of writing a book on my Isha journey.
3. External influence
Ice-olation
To be in the self means to make a distinction between "this I am" and "that I am not". This boundary between "I" and "not I" is what the self is -- the self isolates.
If u r flowing, the self cannot exist.
Soul
Yesterday Sadhguru said that when we resist, we create enemies, when we accept, we naturally become friends. Whatever we resist, results in exaggeration and our perception become distorted. Sadhguru said we live in our psychological mind, we don't live in reality. We are too much in the self and that's why our peace can be hijacked easily.
4. What is needed for resolution
Thunderbolt
This inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences.
5. The understanding
Awareness
The veil of illusion that has been keeping u from perceiving reality as it is, is starting to burn away. Any sense u might have had that you've been groping in the dark is dissolving now. Let urself settle, and remember deep inside, u r just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged.
Soul
Suddenly I tot that if we just cultivate awareness that every moment is inevitable, all resistance will dissolve.
To write to Tina on what is the process to register myself as IEO marketer.
Have just send email to teacher asking for the process to obtain money for IEO promotion. I recalled that 2 years ago I said I will be Isha promoter and here I am now pursuing it. Father, I am going for 3 days week next year. I already got approval to hire a Snr Accountant and Admin, Snr Exec. With that I can then promote my Finance Manager to Finance & Admin Manager next year. She will handle the other division, which is all back end.
To write to Tina on what is the process to register myself as IEO marketer.
52 days - Jupiter
Three of Spades
The most creative cards in the deck. It means we r working two jobs at the same time. We will be successful during period in Jupiter and when we r able to direct our energies into creative enterprise.
Sadhguru - This moment is inevitable (It is wonderful to be human)
Dec 6 Eve
Was updating blog for Oct and read this;
SN in Scorpio
If they tune in to the psychic energies of their partner (that is, consciously appreciate the resources and energy of their partner), then when they combine sexually, the experience far exceeds anything they could have imagined. They have latent talents on this and through the openness to their partner's energies, they can share an enjoyment beyond sensual pleasure, expanding into the dimension of spiritual alchemy and empowerment.
Soul
When we hit the right note, I will burst out in laughter, an extended one and Z will also laugh too. The experience is similar when I got into my meditation.
Was updating blog and read this. It reminds me of Lesson 3 - Responsibility. When u r responding, u r living, u become alive!
Osho
Totality
Developing the knack of being total in responding to whatever comes, as it comes, is one of the greatest gift u can give urself. Taking one step through life at a time, giving each step ur complete attention and energy, can bring a wondrous new vitality and creativity to all that u do.
Evening
Did IEO class 4, it was amazing. I cried so much. I felt like a fool for forgetting what I know, that this moment is inevitable and it is all about acceptance. When u accept, u cannot be unhappy.
When I was doing the meditation, I tot that I am a live buddha. I live in the moment and I lead others to know that it is wonderful to be human. I felt such happiness.
Was updating blog for Oct and read this;
SN in Scorpio
If they tune in to the psychic energies of their partner (that is, consciously appreciate the resources and energy of their partner), then when they combine sexually, the experience far exceeds anything they could have imagined. They have latent talents on this and through the openness to their partner's energies, they can share an enjoyment beyond sensual pleasure, expanding into the dimension of spiritual alchemy and empowerment.
Soul
When we hit the right note, I will burst out in laughter, an extended one and Z will also laugh too. The experience is similar when I got into my meditation.
Was updating blog and read this. It reminds me of Lesson 3 - Responsibility. When u r responding, u r living, u become alive!
Osho
Totality
Developing the knack of being total in responding to whatever comes, as it comes, is one of the greatest gift u can give urself. Taking one step through life at a time, giving each step ur complete attention and energy, can bring a wondrous new vitality and creativity to all that u do.
Evening
Did IEO class 4, it was amazing. I cried so much. I felt like a fool for forgetting what I know, that this moment is inevitable and it is all about acceptance. When u accept, u cannot be unhappy.
When I was doing the meditation, I tot that I am a live buddha. I live in the moment and I lead others to know that it is wonderful to be human. I felt such happiness.
Settling down with Z (26) - an opening for Z and I (breakthru in Z)
Dec 6
Father, amazing thing happen. Z told me that his group of friends said that he need not proceed to marriage, and he has been given a second chance. He should consider just enjoying his freedom, doing the things that he liked, and find some companions but no commitment.
I responded that I too wonder why he wanted marriage but since he was so adamant, I let him be. I also wanted to ask if he was happy in marriage. He said 95% of people are not happy in marriage, so he is not happy too. I responded, then why get married.
He told me he will have to think of this new idea but he really wanted a permanent companion. He also told me that his mom is pressuring him for marriage. So, he will have to think through this.
Father, this is an opening for us. I never imagine this. Let's see. But isn't it ironic, that he has been given an alternative view after I decided that I am ok if he wanted one daughter.
Father, I am fine with no marriage but I want a permanent companion and a relationship that is known to family and friends.
Soul
Today card for me:
Four of Clubs
Card of mental satisfaction and stability. U will experience some mental peace for a while. Good time to plan for the future since u r thinking clearer than ever.
Today card for Z:
Four of Hearts
A sign of protection in love, marriage and family. It represent one's marriage and the foundation of love upon which a family and life can be built.
Soul
First time Z and I are both on Four together.
Father, amazing thing happen. Z told me that his group of friends said that he need not proceed to marriage, and he has been given a second chance. He should consider just enjoying his freedom, doing the things that he liked, and find some companions but no commitment.
I responded that I too wonder why he wanted marriage but since he was so adamant, I let him be. I also wanted to ask if he was happy in marriage. He said 95% of people are not happy in marriage, so he is not happy too. I responded, then why get married.
He told me he will have to think of this new idea but he really wanted a permanent companion. He also told me that his mom is pressuring him for marriage. So, he will have to think through this.
Father, this is an opening for us. I never imagine this. Let's see. But isn't it ironic, that he has been given an alternative view after I decided that I am ok if he wanted one daughter.
Father, I am fine with no marriage but I want a permanent companion and a relationship that is known to family and friends.
Soul
Today card for me:
Four of Clubs
Card of mental satisfaction and stability. U will experience some mental peace for a while. Good time to plan for the future since u r thinking clearer than ever.
Today card for Z:
Four of Hearts
A sign of protection in love, marriage and family. It represent one's marriage and the foundation of love upon which a family and life can be built.
Soul
First time Z and I are both on Four together.
Breaking down of ownership/accumulation over money
Dec 5
Father, today practice was good. Despite my initial resistance as joint was bit stiff, I enjoyed Suria. I was bubbling with laughter at 2nd cycle onward.
Father, just now had an exchange of words with boss but we are fine now. Looks like she was worried about money issue again and her modus operandi is to attack in fear. Father, mine is to hide in fear. We shared with each other our issue on money. Looks like the reason she doesn't want to pay off her credit cards is because she needs to see money in her EPF. I shared with her my issue too.
Father, all of us are similar.
1. The Issue
Creativity
Creativity is the quality u bring to the activity.
If u have something growing out within u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine
The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed through u. Remember that we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
The newsletter looks lovely. Even C said so and said good job to me and P. I returned the favour by thanking her for smoothing out our edges.
Today saw my staff who had mild stroke. She looks great. She told me she is doing her kriya regularly and her husband also do it. He said the husband like to hear Sadhguru's voice. When I was doing IEO, I tot of MF. He will benefit from it.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
We are the world.
Only in celebration do we meet the ultimate, the eternal. Only in celebration, do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
This card represents a time of communication, of sharing the riches that each of us brings to the whole.
When we recognise the common source of our humanity, our hopes and fears, we r able to see that we r all joined together in the great miracle of existence.
When we can combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.
Soul
My website. Looks like LK is busy. I will have to do mine.
3. External influence
Ice-olation
We r miserable because we are too much in the self. When we r too much in the self, it makes us frozen - u r no longer flowing. If u r flowing, the self cannot exist.
In love, the boundaries disappear; in joy also the boundaries disappear because joy is not cold.
Soul
This was my wish after second IEO lesson on bondage - I just want to flow with life.
Mmm, joy is dissolving me.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Thunderbolt
Ur sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experience.
Soul
Well, money already went out.
4.5k
2.7k
= 7.3k
And 18k to go.
5. Resolution
Awareness
Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive and young. Ur whole life become a flame. It burns the veil, the face of a very delicate and childlike buddha becomes visible.
Father, today practice was good. Despite my initial resistance as joint was bit stiff, I enjoyed Suria. I was bubbling with laughter at 2nd cycle onward.
Father, just now had an exchange of words with boss but we are fine now. Looks like she was worried about money issue again and her modus operandi is to attack in fear. Father, mine is to hide in fear. We shared with each other our issue on money. Looks like the reason she doesn't want to pay off her credit cards is because she needs to see money in her EPF. I shared with her my issue too.
Father, all of us are similar.
1. The Issue
Creativity
Creativity is the quality u bring to the activity.
If u have something growing out within u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine
The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed through u. Remember that we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us. True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and a blessing to others.
Soul
The newsletter looks lovely. Even C said so and said good job to me and P. I returned the favour by thanking her for smoothing out our edges.
Today saw my staff who had mild stroke. She looks great. She told me she is doing her kriya regularly and her husband also do it. He said the husband like to hear Sadhguru's voice. When I was doing IEO, I tot of MF. He will benefit from it.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
We are the world.
Only in celebration do we meet the ultimate, the eternal. Only in celebration, do we go beyond the circle of birth and death.
This card represents a time of communication, of sharing the riches that each of us brings to the whole.
When we recognise the common source of our humanity, our hopes and fears, we r able to see that we r all joined together in the great miracle of existence.
When we can combine our tremendous inner wealth to create a treasure of love and wisdom that is available to all, we are linked together in the exquisite pattern of eternal creation.
Soul
My website. Looks like LK is busy. I will have to do mine.
3. External influence
Ice-olation
We r miserable because we are too much in the self. When we r too much in the self, it makes us frozen - u r no longer flowing. If u r flowing, the self cannot exist.
In love, the boundaries disappear; in joy also the boundaries disappear because joy is not cold.
Soul
This was my wish after second IEO lesson on bondage - I just want to flow with life.
Mmm, joy is dissolving me.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Thunderbolt
Ur sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can. But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experience.
Soul
Well, money already went out.
4.5k
2.7k
= 7.3k
And 18k to go.
5. Resolution
Awareness
Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive and young. Ur whole life become a flame. It burns the veil, the face of a very delicate and childlike buddha becomes visible.
Overcoming issue with money
Dec 4
Father, bought all the toiletries accessories that I need for my new bathroom. Its nearly 2.7k.
I got good taste and I got a feel that my bathroom will have a sexy look.
Only outstanding is big mirror, a side-mirror cabinet. Only thing I am not sure if I want it to have mirror.
I also contemplated on the having a new WC. Renovation will start end of next week.
Did 2 lesson of IEO and will do it daily.
Father, I really do have a compulsion in food. When I did my ideal life, I saw myself as 52kg, just flowing in harmony with life.
Father, bought all the toiletries accessories that I need for my new bathroom. Its nearly 2.7k.
I got good taste and I got a feel that my bathroom will have a sexy look.
Only outstanding is big mirror, a side-mirror cabinet. Only thing I am not sure if I want it to have mirror.
I also contemplated on the having a new WC. Renovation will start end of next week.
Did 2 lesson of IEO and will do it daily.
Father, I really do have a compulsion in food. When I did my ideal life, I saw myself as 52kg, just flowing in harmony with life.
Giving up judgement (ACIM) is equivalent to Giving up Intellect (Sadhguru/Buddha); suffering ends when we don't compare
Dec 3
Father, the swim was good. I was able to manage myself despite disturbance from the kids. My joy was bubbling throughout.
We went to choose the tiles, got great looking ones, white and grey, with dark grey for floor. Then the contractor recommended big tiles for the table top and I like it, and don't even have to increase price.
Then I went to my cousin's place and he told me about his client's can give me distributor price for basin and faucet. So, another great deal.
Father, just when I accepted the high cost, things falling into place. Now that the tiles is so nice, I will be using clear tiles.
My self discipline was quite good during lunch but we had the king fruit and I had quite a lot but in 2 batches. Hope my body can accept.
Dec 3 Eve
Was updating blog and saw this. This was my tot when I did 2nd session of IEO. Sadhguru said Buddha is above the intellect. Once we live above the intellect, suffering ends. In my tot, is similar to living above our own judgement. And here ACIM is saying we cannot truly judge.
ACIM
Wisdom is not judgement; it is the relinquishment of judgement. Therefore lay judgement down, not with regret but with a sigh of gratitude.Now can the teacher of God rise up unburdened and walk lightly on.
Yet it is not only this that is his benefit. His sense of care is gone, for he has none. He has given it away, along with judgement. He has given himself to Him Who judgement he has chosen now to trust, instead of his own. Now he makes no mistakes. His Guide is sure. And where he came to judge, he comes to bless. Where now he laughs, he used to come to weep.
What the world is, is but a fact. U cannot choose what this should be. But u can choose how u would see it. Indeed, u must choose this.
Did my IEO. Have to go through first lesson again and this time I saw my compulsion of eating good food. I can no longer pretend that I am in charge, eating good food has become a compulsion.
I think part of the compulsion arise because I tot I won't have it anymore. Its from a sense of lack. My body is saying enough. When I did my ideal Life, I saw myself a slimmer healthy gal who is no longer driven by any compulsion.
Like Sadhguru says, all 4 parts must go together. My energy is high, my mind and emotion is ok but my body is not.
Now I know what is the sorrow is about. It is about my compulsion for good food.
1. The Issue
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. It is just to make u more aware. And when u r aware, misery disappears.
2. Internal influence
Guilt
This moment! This herenow is forgotten when u start thinking in terms of achieving something. When achieving mind arises, u lose contact with the paradise u r in.
U r absolutely okay as u r, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Just learn from it, move on, and use the lesson not to make the same mistake again.
Soul
I felt bad that I didn't know. But I now acknowledge that I have a compulsion for eating good food.
3. External influence u r aware
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake: a condition of complete simplicity costing not less than everything.
Soul
I had the insight that if compulsion doesn't run us then we would be in harmony.
4. What is needed for resolution
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past so u remain in the present.
Soul
I will try day by day.
5. Resolution
Beyond Illusion
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Soul
My awareness of my compulsive eating of good food has arise and I will look at it.
Z replied msg and said he is overseas and tell me he be back tomorrow. Anyway, he is no longer a lesson. I have decided I won't go thru and fro with him. From now on, just go ahead.
On food, I will take a step back.
ACIM
What was projected out is seen within and there forgiveness let's it disappear. For there the altar to the Son is set and there his Father is remembered. Here all illusions brought to truth and laid upon altar.
Seen within ur mind, guilt and forgiveness for an instant lie together, side by side upon one altar. There at last are sickness and its single remedy joined in one healing brightness. God has come to claim His Own. Forgiveness is complete. And now God's knowledge, changeless, certain and pure and wholly understandable, enter its kingdom. Gone is perception, false and true alike. Gone is forgiveness, for its task is done. And gone are bodies. For where God's memory has come at last, there is no journey, no belief in sin, no walls, no bodies and the grim appeal of guilt and death is there snuffed away for ever.
Peace will envelop u and hold u safe and pure. God leans down to lift u up to Him, out of illusions into holiness; out of the world to eternity; out of all fear and given back to love.
Soul
This is similar to when we become buddha, above our intellect, its the end of suffering. We then understand the mechanism of intellect and is able to use our mind and body to its fullest capacity.
Father, the swim was good. I was able to manage myself despite disturbance from the kids. My joy was bubbling throughout.
We went to choose the tiles, got great looking ones, white and grey, with dark grey for floor. Then the contractor recommended big tiles for the table top and I like it, and don't even have to increase price.
Then I went to my cousin's place and he told me about his client's can give me distributor price for basin and faucet. So, another great deal.
Father, just when I accepted the high cost, things falling into place. Now that the tiles is so nice, I will be using clear tiles.
My self discipline was quite good during lunch but we had the king fruit and I had quite a lot but in 2 batches. Hope my body can accept.
Dec 3 Eve
Was updating blog and saw this. This was my tot when I did 2nd session of IEO. Sadhguru said Buddha is above the intellect. Once we live above the intellect, suffering ends. In my tot, is similar to living above our own judgement. And here ACIM is saying we cannot truly judge.
ACIM
Wisdom is not judgement; it is the relinquishment of judgement. Therefore lay judgement down, not with regret but with a sigh of gratitude.Now can the teacher of God rise up unburdened and walk lightly on.
Yet it is not only this that is his benefit. His sense of care is gone, for he has none. He has given it away, along with judgement. He has given himself to Him Who judgement he has chosen now to trust, instead of his own. Now he makes no mistakes. His Guide is sure. And where he came to judge, he comes to bless. Where now he laughs, he used to come to weep.
What the world is, is but a fact. U cannot choose what this should be. But u can choose how u would see it. Indeed, u must choose this.
Did my IEO. Have to go through first lesson again and this time I saw my compulsion of eating good food. I can no longer pretend that I am in charge, eating good food has become a compulsion.
I think part of the compulsion arise because I tot I won't have it anymore. Its from a sense of lack. My body is saying enough. When I did my ideal Life, I saw myself a slimmer healthy gal who is no longer driven by any compulsion.
Like Sadhguru says, all 4 parts must go together. My energy is high, my mind and emotion is ok but my body is not.
Now I know what is the sorrow is about. It is about my compulsion for good food.
1. The Issue
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. It is just to make u more aware. And when u r aware, misery disappears.
2. Internal influence
Guilt
This moment! This herenow is forgotten when u start thinking in terms of achieving something. When achieving mind arises, u lose contact with the paradise u r in.
U r absolutely okay as u r, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Just learn from it, move on, and use the lesson not to make the same mistake again.
Soul
I felt bad that I didn't know. But I now acknowledge that I have a compulsion for eating good food.
3. External influence u r aware
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake: a condition of complete simplicity costing not less than everything.
Soul
I had the insight that if compulsion doesn't run us then we would be in harmony.
4. What is needed for resolution
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past so u remain in the present.
Soul
I will try day by day.
5. Resolution
Beyond Illusion
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Soul
My awareness of my compulsive eating of good food has arise and I will look at it.
Z replied msg and said he is overseas and tell me he be back tomorrow. Anyway, he is no longer a lesson. I have decided I won't go thru and fro with him. From now on, just go ahead.
On food, I will take a step back.
ACIM
What was projected out is seen within and there forgiveness let's it disappear. For there the altar to the Son is set and there his Father is remembered. Here all illusions brought to truth and laid upon altar.
Seen within ur mind, guilt and forgiveness for an instant lie together, side by side upon one altar. There at last are sickness and its single remedy joined in one healing brightness. God has come to claim His Own. Forgiveness is complete. And now God's knowledge, changeless, certain and pure and wholly understandable, enter its kingdom. Gone is perception, false and true alike. Gone is forgiveness, for its task is done. And gone are bodies. For where God's memory has come at last, there is no journey, no belief in sin, no walls, no bodies and the grim appeal of guilt and death is there snuffed away for ever.
Peace will envelop u and hold u safe and pure. God leans down to lift u up to Him, out of illusions into holiness; out of the world to eternity; out of all fear and given back to love.
Soul
This is similar to when we become buddha, above our intellect, its the end of suffering. We then understand the mechanism of intellect and is able to use our mind and body to its fullest capacity.
Settling down with Z (24) - opening up to commitment/children
Dec 2
Father, suria was good. My body loves it and I was bubbling with laughter. My feet can close properly as my back has recovered. Still laughing during aum chanting.
Just now I did my general write up for FB and asked for P and K's feedback. When P replied, she also put C on the loop. I felt bit piffed and not so nice tots came in. I felt defensive that now C is the overall Reviewer for all matters. I start to think that she cannot write on her own and yet can give comments. Who is she to be treated as the head. Then I recalled the newsletter and tot that she did great.
Mmm, I guess this is like me in food. I cannot cook but can comment.
But now I don't act on it cos I knew my issue on ownership. I will be working with LK and HH next month and it is timely for me to clean up my issue.
Mmm, I wonder if others have this issue. Maybe theirs is on other things.
Soul mate rship with Z
Once u have receive their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, can continue building with them if ur values or compatible or go out on ur own.
Either way, u will have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a whole new level of energy, self-confidence and determination.
Soul
Tot of Z being my Pluto card and Eight of Spade being Result card. Eight of Spade is talking about determination to succeed.
Yea, I am growing more confident of following my dreams.
Now updating my blog and saw this entry on Sept 30;
South Node in Scorpio
Figuring out how relationship work is essential for this Nodal, because intense sexual and/or financial bonds are their passport to personal growth and aliveness in this lifetime.
Soul
Since Z is my soul mate and it has been sexually intense between us and coupled with his financial troubles - real challenge.
South Node in Scorpio
For instance, they often think that a committed relationship will be a lot of hard work - which they equate with pain and suffering. The truth is that if they are with the right person, it doesn't feel difficult. But if they are caught in their projection, the rship will feel like too much work and they will begin to feel restless and resentful.
Soul
Tot of me thinking of children. It is not that I don't want children, or that I cannot be a good mother; it is because I think children requires commitment; which translate to hard work, pain and suffering. Losing my comfort, not able to retire early. So, to me having children is an even greater commitment than having a spouse. A spouse u can still divorce but children is for life, no way out.
V said it is worth the price. I must think further on this. I am letting what I fear drive me away from Z or even any other partner who wants children.
SN in Scorpio
They have had so many past incarnations where their survival depended on being free to take care of themselves, in this lifetime, they carry the belief; "commitment = being trapped."
Soul
That's what I tot about children - trapped.
And perhaps that's why I have Z. His insistence on having children force me to look at my issue. Whenever he talked about me having children, I ignored him. But still he persist and I get irritated and try to shut him off.
Father, Thank U. I used to lament why Z need to have children but now I realised I need to see why I don't want to have children. The key word is lifetime commitment and I would be trapped.
Dec 2 Eve
Just finished IEO, lesson 1 and in my dreams, I brought Light to people and I am a joy to be with. I also saw Z and our daughter giving me support when I was doing my presentation.
In lesson 2, I saw myself as the Agent of Transformation. I was the applicator.
Father, suria was good. My body loves it and I was bubbling with laughter. My feet can close properly as my back has recovered. Still laughing during aum chanting.
Just now I did my general write up for FB and asked for P and K's feedback. When P replied, she also put C on the loop. I felt bit piffed and not so nice tots came in. I felt defensive that now C is the overall Reviewer for all matters. I start to think that she cannot write on her own and yet can give comments. Who is she to be treated as the head. Then I recalled the newsletter and tot that she did great.
Mmm, I guess this is like me in food. I cannot cook but can comment.
But now I don't act on it cos I knew my issue on ownership. I will be working with LK and HH next month and it is timely for me to clean up my issue.
Mmm, I wonder if others have this issue. Maybe theirs is on other things.
Soul mate rship with Z
Once u have receive their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, can continue building with them if ur values or compatible or go out on ur own.
Either way, u will have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a whole new level of energy, self-confidence and determination.
Soul
Tot of Z being my Pluto card and Eight of Spade being Result card. Eight of Spade is talking about determination to succeed.
Yea, I am growing more confident of following my dreams.
Now updating my blog and saw this entry on Sept 30;
South Node in Scorpio
Figuring out how relationship work is essential for this Nodal, because intense sexual and/or financial bonds are their passport to personal growth and aliveness in this lifetime.
Soul
Since Z is my soul mate and it has been sexually intense between us and coupled with his financial troubles - real challenge.
South Node in Scorpio
For instance, they often think that a committed relationship will be a lot of hard work - which they equate with pain and suffering. The truth is that if they are with the right person, it doesn't feel difficult. But if they are caught in their projection, the rship will feel like too much work and they will begin to feel restless and resentful.
Soul
Tot of me thinking of children. It is not that I don't want children, or that I cannot be a good mother; it is because I think children requires commitment; which translate to hard work, pain and suffering. Losing my comfort, not able to retire early. So, to me having children is an even greater commitment than having a spouse. A spouse u can still divorce but children is for life, no way out.
V said it is worth the price. I must think further on this. I am letting what I fear drive me away from Z or even any other partner who wants children.
SN in Scorpio
They have had so many past incarnations where their survival depended on being free to take care of themselves, in this lifetime, they carry the belief; "commitment = being trapped."
Soul
That's what I tot about children - trapped.
And perhaps that's why I have Z. His insistence on having children force me to look at my issue. Whenever he talked about me having children, I ignored him. But still he persist and I get irritated and try to shut him off.
Father, Thank U. I used to lament why Z need to have children but now I realised I need to see why I don't want to have children. The key word is lifetime commitment and I would be trapped.
Dec 2 Eve
Just finished IEO, lesson 1 and in my dreams, I brought Light to people and I am a joy to be with. I also saw Z and our daughter giving me support when I was doing my presentation.
In lesson 2, I saw myself as the Agent of Transformation. I was the applicator.
Settling down with Z (23) - opening up to us
Dec 1 Eve
Father, shoonya and samyama was great. While I was in samyama, a tot came from the readings of SN in Scorpio. It says that in business matter, we are always open to ideas or different values than ours. We focus on the outcome we want. Key word is being open.
I tot of me with Z. He has asked me a few times if I am open to both marriage and children. At times, I would be irritated and don't want to answer him but he ignore me and insist on my answer and I would just tell him No.
Firstly, I didn't plan for children as I don't want to risk my comfort, I don't want to pay the price of having children and lastly I didn't want him to select me just because I want to bear children.
He is just asking whether I want children as he wants to evaluate me as a candidate.
Why do I need to hold back this matter? I love him and I do want to be with him. Why can't I be open about the matter on children. Why can't I just focus on being with him.
(Dec 27 - I am slowly realising that the focus should be on us, rather than just me or him. I guess that is what it is meant by learning of a soul relationship. I remembered my resistance of contraceptive pills. I am now even open to his suggestion of how to make our sex life even better. Sex is important to both of us and I will be open. Like he said he is not complaining, but he wants to open up my mind. And even on 'sneaking' to his house. The end game is just us. I must give him space to grow at his own level.)
Father, shoonya and samyama was great. While I was in samyama, a tot came from the readings of SN in Scorpio. It says that in business matter, we are always open to ideas or different values than ours. We focus on the outcome we want. Key word is being open.
I tot of me with Z. He has asked me a few times if I am open to both marriage and children. At times, I would be irritated and don't want to answer him but he ignore me and insist on my answer and I would just tell him No.
Firstly, I didn't plan for children as I don't want to risk my comfort, I don't want to pay the price of having children and lastly I didn't want him to select me just because I want to bear children.
He is just asking whether I want children as he wants to evaluate me as a candidate.
Why do I need to hold back this matter? I love him and I do want to be with him. Why can't I be open about the matter on children. Why can't I just focus on being with him.
(Dec 27 - I am slowly realising that the focus should be on us, rather than just me or him. I guess that is what it is meant by learning of a soul relationship. I remembered my resistance of contraceptive pills. I am now even open to his suggestion of how to make our sex life even better. Sex is important to both of us and I will be open. Like he said he is not complaining, but he wants to open up my mind. And even on 'sneaking' to his house. The end game is just us. I must give him space to grow at his own level.)
Settling down with Z (22)
Dec 1
1. The Issue
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. It is just to make u more aware. And when u r aware, misery disappears.
Soul
Not sure what is this. Except maybe for food and money issue.
On the money, I am now better in spending. Since I am spending so much on the renovation, I might as well make myself happy by having the rain shower.
On food, I realised I also can have pleasure in sharing. I bought the desserts for them. I hardly ate but I am happy when I see they like it. Father, I have accumulated so much good food, perhaps it is time to let go by sharing.
I am also going to buy a weighing machine.
I shared my issue with M, another Queen of Diamond. He used to spend loads on gadgets and now settle by having some savings. We are at both extreme end.
2. Internal influence
Guilt
This moment! This herenow is forgotten when u start thinking in terms of achieving something. When achieving mind arises, u lose contact with the paradise u r in.
U r absolutely okay as u r, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Just learn from it, move on, and use the lesson not to make the same mistake again.
Soul
Only thing is food. I was ok this morning and ok for lunch too. I have gained weight but will be normal after one week.
3. External influence u r aware
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake: a condition of complete simplicity costing not less than everything.
Soul
Not sure but I think its Z. The other day when we talk I told him that I wish he was with me right now. I am no longer afraid to be vulnerable with him.
4. What is needed for resolution
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past so u remain in the present.
Soul
Still no idea what will happen but for now I just follow the flow. He said he will call me when he is back. I just trust he will do so eventhough he at times doesn't follow through.
I am looking forward to next meetup. I miss him.
5. Resolution
Beyond Illusion
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Soul
This week meditation is deeper than usual. My joy bubbling out during aum chanting is more frequent. Just now I went in deep during shoonya.
SN in Scorpio
They think they already know everything, so they are not open to others giving them insights that would make their life path easier. This means they are constantly missing opportunities to break free from their limitations.
When these folks ask for advice from people who are successful at what they want to learn, they really enjoy hearing others' ideas and perspectives and they become powerful. It has to do with gaining the benefit of other people's experience and not always having to learn on their own, hard way. Other people are supposed to help them along with fresh ideas and energy.
If they only value what is obtained through their own hard work, they are not open to grace. In the end, only grace can take them beyond their own rigidity. Their job is to have the humility to let go and let grace - through other people - operates in their lives.
Soul
Suddenly tot that perhaps P can help me in my issue with food. I also think C can help me. Also tot of M and the book.
1. The Issue
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. It is just to make u more aware. And when u r aware, misery disappears.
Soul
Not sure what is this. Except maybe for food and money issue.
On the money, I am now better in spending. Since I am spending so much on the renovation, I might as well make myself happy by having the rain shower.
On food, I realised I also can have pleasure in sharing. I bought the desserts for them. I hardly ate but I am happy when I see they like it. Father, I have accumulated so much good food, perhaps it is time to let go by sharing.
I am also going to buy a weighing machine.
I shared my issue with M, another Queen of Diamond. He used to spend loads on gadgets and now settle by having some savings. We are at both extreme end.
2. Internal influence
Guilt
This moment! This herenow is forgotten when u start thinking in terms of achieving something. When achieving mind arises, u lose contact with the paradise u r in.
U r absolutely okay as u r, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Just learn from it, move on, and use the lesson not to make the same mistake again.
Soul
Only thing is food. I was ok this morning and ok for lunch too. I have gained weight but will be normal after one week.
3. External influence u r aware
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake: a condition of complete simplicity costing not less than everything.
Soul
Not sure but I think its Z. The other day when we talk I told him that I wish he was with me right now. I am no longer afraid to be vulnerable with him.
4. What is needed for resolution
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past so u remain in the present.
Soul
Still no idea what will happen but for now I just follow the flow. He said he will call me when he is back. I just trust he will do so eventhough he at times doesn't follow through.
I am looking forward to next meetup. I miss him.
5. Resolution
Beyond Illusion
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.
Soul
This week meditation is deeper than usual. My joy bubbling out during aum chanting is more frequent. Just now I went in deep during shoonya.
SN in Scorpio
They think they already know everything, so they are not open to others giving them insights that would make their life path easier. This means they are constantly missing opportunities to break free from their limitations.
When these folks ask for advice from people who are successful at what they want to learn, they really enjoy hearing others' ideas and perspectives and they become powerful. It has to do with gaining the benefit of other people's experience and not always having to learn on their own, hard way. Other people are supposed to help them along with fresh ideas and energy.
If they only value what is obtained through their own hard work, they are not open to grace. In the end, only grace can take them beyond their own rigidity. Their job is to have the humility to let go and let grace - through other people - operates in their lives.
Soul
Suddenly tot that perhaps P can help me in my issue with food. I also think C can help me. Also tot of M and the book.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
RA is easing off when I go with the flow of money
Nov 30
Father, suria was ok, but not effortless. It was only towards end of last 2 cycles that laughter bubbles from me. On the meditation, it was fine with little tots. Towards the end, I switched of air cond and I fell asleep. I had a weird dream of kissing a younger chinese man. I didn't enjoy it and stop there. For a moment, I seem to lose something and couldn't get to my car. Later I went to a building and my nephew and mom was there. Then I woke up.
Then I tot of E's offer to work with him. I recall my plan with H and LK and I was more excited about that. I am not going to take E's offer.
(Dec 17 - both H and LK has pulled back. Guess this was message that I need to go forward)
Father, hand is recovering and the right elbow stiffness is gone. Looks like the resistance is gone. And coincidentally I finally increase my ATM withdrawal limit to 2k.
Father, suria was ok, but not effortless. It was only towards end of last 2 cycles that laughter bubbles from me. On the meditation, it was fine with little tots. Towards the end, I switched of air cond and I fell asleep. I had a weird dream of kissing a younger chinese man. I didn't enjoy it and stop there. For a moment, I seem to lose something and couldn't get to my car. Later I went to a building and my nephew and mom was there. Then I woke up.
Then I tot of E's offer to work with him. I recall my plan with H and LK and I was more excited about that. I am not going to take E's offer.
(Dec 17 - both H and LK has pulled back. Guess this was message that I need to go forward)
Father, hand is recovering and the right elbow stiffness is gone. Looks like the resistance is gone. And coincidentally I finally increase my ATM withdrawal limit to 2k.
Both receiving and giving is important for the money or love to flow
Nov 29
Father, I did my practice after a few days of absence. I just flow into it. While hata was not as smooth but it was quite good. Surprisingly I also laugh during aum chanting. I am glad for the stint in pool.
For the past few days, I am pleased to know my mind was quite free, not jumbled into unnecessary tots.
There were some tots of the bathroom again, 11k is a lot. I tot that I might as well save money to buy a good sofa. But then I like our sofa now. It is just the mind. I remind myself that doing up bathroom is good, getting the flow of water is good.
My body is now flowing, thanks to Z and now need the external to flow. Besides if I really wanted to buy sofa, I got the money too. I even have money for downpayment of a house. So, just have to remember I am quite fine, money wise. Also, it was timely to receive msg on my money issue in SN in Scorpio.
SN in Scorpio - money issue
They need to love both parts of the process of money - the receiving and the giving - in order for money to be easily attracted to them.
However these folks often have a difficult time letting go of anything - money most of all.
They can increase their capacity magnets by being grateful;
1. When they pay their bills, they can feel loving about it
2. Thank the Universe for having enough money to pay their bills
3. Praise the Universe for the financial bounty currently operating in their life.
Appreciation and gratefulness for what is there rather than desiring more - which, on an energy level, translates into fear and anxiety about not having enough. Gratitude for what they have releases anxiety so they no longer block the flow of money and material things. If they let money and possessions pass through them in love, more will always be there.
Soul
I am grateful for my financial abundance and I am also grateful that my siblings are financially stable too.
I tot of MD and Z and know I can't live like them, I would be in anxiety attack. Then a tot came, God never let's us bear anything that we cannot. He only let us bear the challenges that we can. Amen
Nov 29 Eve
After so many years, I finally increased my atm withdrawal limit from 1k to 2k.
Father, I did my practice after a few days of absence. I just flow into it. While hata was not as smooth but it was quite good. Surprisingly I also laugh during aum chanting. I am glad for the stint in pool.
For the past few days, I am pleased to know my mind was quite free, not jumbled into unnecessary tots.
There were some tots of the bathroom again, 11k is a lot. I tot that I might as well save money to buy a good sofa. But then I like our sofa now. It is just the mind. I remind myself that doing up bathroom is good, getting the flow of water is good.
My body is now flowing, thanks to Z and now need the external to flow. Besides if I really wanted to buy sofa, I got the money too. I even have money for downpayment of a house. So, just have to remember I am quite fine, money wise. Also, it was timely to receive msg on my money issue in SN in Scorpio.
SN in Scorpio - money issue
They need to love both parts of the process of money - the receiving and the giving - in order for money to be easily attracted to them.
However these folks often have a difficult time letting go of anything - money most of all.
They can increase their capacity magnets by being grateful;
1. When they pay their bills, they can feel loving about it
2. Thank the Universe for having enough money to pay their bills
3. Praise the Universe for the financial bounty currently operating in their life.
Appreciation and gratefulness for what is there rather than desiring more - which, on an energy level, translates into fear and anxiety about not having enough. Gratitude for what they have releases anxiety so they no longer block the flow of money and material things. If they let money and possessions pass through them in love, more will always be there.
Soul
I am grateful for my financial abundance and I am also grateful that my siblings are financially stable too.
I tot of MD and Z and know I can't live like them, I would be in anxiety attack. Then a tot came, God never let's us bear anything that we cannot. He only let us bear the challenges that we can. Amen
Nov 29 Eve
After so many years, I finally increased my atm withdrawal limit from 1k to 2k.
Steward instead of hoarder or money
Nov 28
Father, just called him but no response. This time I msg him and even told him I put him on speed dial. As usual, he shared his activities with me. But when I tried to call again, he couldn't pick up cos he was with mom. Of course, ego pick up. But I am not disturbed cos he has improved in communicating. Besides, I too prefers to chat when we are alone as our talks is private.
Father, I like Z as he is a family man. He is committed to his family. I like that they have gathering at his sisters' places, just like my family.
Evening
SN in Scorpio
Money issues
The secret to accumulation is proper distribution. If they want to be wealthy, these folks must learn to be stewards of money rather than hoarder of money. They think the key to having money is holding on to it, whereas the opposite is true.
Money loves to circulate and is attracted to people who will keep it in motion. If they don't allow money to flow to others through them, only a certain amount can come back to them because they are not clear channel.
Soul
I find it so difficult to release money. I am more easy now on buying food for others but still have to let go.
The latest issue with the bathroom. I am thinking of ways and means to reduce the budget. And today I found the basin I wanted but the faucet is 4X the price of basin and I am now wondering whether the benefits of owning the lovely wash basin is worth the price of the expensive faucet. If I choose a normal basin, then I don't have to pay the price of expensive faucet.
Father, ur advice is timely.
Suddenly I tot this is me wanting Z but not sure if the price of having him is worth it. With him, I would have to bear children and would face money crisis as Z tend to spend beyond his means.
SN in Scorpio
They need to love both parts of the process of money - the receiving and the giving - in order for money to be easily attracted to them.
Soul
This represent my boss and even MD.
Father, just called him but no response. This time I msg him and even told him I put him on speed dial. As usual, he shared his activities with me. But when I tried to call again, he couldn't pick up cos he was with mom. Of course, ego pick up. But I am not disturbed cos he has improved in communicating. Besides, I too prefers to chat when we are alone as our talks is private.
Father, I like Z as he is a family man. He is committed to his family. I like that they have gathering at his sisters' places, just like my family.
Evening
SN in Scorpio
Money issues
The secret to accumulation is proper distribution. If they want to be wealthy, these folks must learn to be stewards of money rather than hoarder of money. They think the key to having money is holding on to it, whereas the opposite is true.
Money loves to circulate and is attracted to people who will keep it in motion. If they don't allow money to flow to others through them, only a certain amount can come back to them because they are not clear channel.
Soul
I find it so difficult to release money. I am more easy now on buying food for others but still have to let go.
The latest issue with the bathroom. I am thinking of ways and means to reduce the budget. And today I found the basin I wanted but the faucet is 4X the price of basin and I am now wondering whether the benefits of owning the lovely wash basin is worth the price of the expensive faucet. If I choose a normal basin, then I don't have to pay the price of expensive faucet.
Father, ur advice is timely.
Suddenly I tot this is me wanting Z but not sure if the price of having him is worth it. With him, I would have to bear children and would face money crisis as Z tend to spend beyond his means.
SN in Scorpio
They need to love both parts of the process of money - the receiving and the giving - in order for money to be easily attracted to them.
Soul
This represent my boss and even MD.
Security from accumulation or breaking limitation
Nov 27
Father, didn't take my RA pills for a few days and joints are hurting. And I had not been meditating for a few days too But today I had a swim and my inner joy bubbles into laughter and I felt good again.
Suddenly tot of me and Z.
Soul
This morning in the pool, I saw an older lady, someone in mid fourties and a man who looks slightly younger with their daughter. I also think the lady is courageous not to dye her hair.
I tot of me and Z.
Nov 27 eve
SN in Scorpio
6. Accepting help
They insist on doing everything their way to validate themselves through their own efforts.
Unfortunately, it is bottomless pit. In this incarnation, they can never sufficiently build their sense of self-worth - on their own - to feel good about themselves.
Others want to help them if they only accept it. This takes the humility to let others in and the willingness to release sole ownership.
Soul
I am beginning to see this. No wonder I felt bit defensive when P said that I should learn to delegate.
SN in Scorpio
There are 2 kinds of security:
1. The security of owning so many material possessions that one is insulated from change;
2. The security of having grown beyond personal limitations to gain a sense of power.
From the second position, personal security is also ensured - because regardless of what changes occur, one is secure, confident and powerful inside oneself.
And for these to occur, SN in Scorpio need the expertise of others and the personal humility to appreciate that others may be bringing them a knowledge that could be more valuable than anything they had in the past.
Soul
I have been obtaining security in 1 and now start in 2.
Father, didn't take my RA pills for a few days and joints are hurting. And I had not been meditating for a few days too But today I had a swim and my inner joy bubbles into laughter and I felt good again.
Suddenly tot of me and Z.
Soul
This morning in the pool, I saw an older lady, someone in mid fourties and a man who looks slightly younger with their daughter. I also think the lady is courageous not to dye her hair.
I tot of me and Z.
Nov 27 eve
SN in Scorpio
6. Accepting help
They insist on doing everything their way to validate themselves through their own efforts.
Unfortunately, it is bottomless pit. In this incarnation, they can never sufficiently build their sense of self-worth - on their own - to feel good about themselves.
Others want to help them if they only accept it. This takes the humility to let others in and the willingness to release sole ownership.
Soul
I am beginning to see this. No wonder I felt bit defensive when P said that I should learn to delegate.
SN in Scorpio
There are 2 kinds of security:
1. The security of owning so many material possessions that one is insulated from change;
2. The security of having grown beyond personal limitations to gain a sense of power.
From the second position, personal security is also ensured - because regardless of what changes occur, one is secure, confident and powerful inside oneself.
And for these to occur, SN in Scorpio need the expertise of others and the personal humility to appreciate that others may be bringing them a knowledge that could be more valuable than anything they had in the past.
Soul
I have been obtaining security in 1 and now start in 2.
Nothing happens unless u take risk
Nov 26 morning
Astrology for the Soul - Jan Spiller
Many spiritual teachers say that the best we can do for others is to work on ourselves. We are all interconnected on the deepest level - we're One.
U alone have the power to perfect the moment of ur own birth. It's as though u took that sliver of time, slowed it down and stretched it out to last an entire incarnation.
And as u begin to work with that moment, taking parts of ur "wiring" that aren't working too well and adjusting them - thus creating happiness, laughter, and joy in ur own life - the positive energy of these changes affects everyone else.
We all have tendencies that lead to inappropriate behaviour and feelings of isolation and unhappiness. The trick is to discover our own glitches and empower ourselves to avoid them. Life is too short to walk around blinfolded.
Whether u allow the personality to operate unconsciously or u take charge and purify the energy so that life flows to ur advantage, is up to u.
North Node of the Moon represents that General. This is natural General within u around which everything else is willing to unite at a moment's notice.
Soul
My North Node is in Taurus. My Moon is also Taurus.
Astrology for the Soul - Jan Spiller
Nothing happens unless u take the risk; positive actions is the remedy for fear.
Some worldly or material desires we can dismiss simply because they aren't that important to us. After a time, we can let them go. Others will not leave us until we have manifested them on some level.
Soul
I have been wanting to join with Z for the past 1 year. After our joining, my menstrual is flowing back full force again again. I never had so much menstrual flow since many years ago.
Astrology for the Soul - Jan Spiller
Once the personality has been successfully integrated, desires that are of lesser importance begin to fade away and those that demand manifestation can be more easily obtained in the material world.
Once the mechanism of our personality is working efficiently and producing happy results in our daily lives, our basic needs are met and we become open to a higher level of happiness and fulfillment, beyond identifying with the ego and gaining strictly material rewards.
As desires are met and outer goals are no longer so compelling, the personality relaxes. Within this calm, we are open to higher state of consciousness and the deeper happiness that is our natural state: what the Bible describes as "experiencing the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth".
Soul
Amen
Nov 26 Eve
Father, I have not been meditating nor doing any hata. I have just been chilling out with my family. Its great. Good to know I had little tots running thru, except for Z.
Astrology for the Soul - Jan Spiller
Many spiritual teachers say that the best we can do for others is to work on ourselves. We are all interconnected on the deepest level - we're One.
U alone have the power to perfect the moment of ur own birth. It's as though u took that sliver of time, slowed it down and stretched it out to last an entire incarnation.
And as u begin to work with that moment, taking parts of ur "wiring" that aren't working too well and adjusting them - thus creating happiness, laughter, and joy in ur own life - the positive energy of these changes affects everyone else.
We all have tendencies that lead to inappropriate behaviour and feelings of isolation and unhappiness. The trick is to discover our own glitches and empower ourselves to avoid them. Life is too short to walk around blinfolded.
Whether u allow the personality to operate unconsciously or u take charge and purify the energy so that life flows to ur advantage, is up to u.
North Node of the Moon represents that General. This is natural General within u around which everything else is willing to unite at a moment's notice.
Soul
My North Node is in Taurus. My Moon is also Taurus.
Astrology for the Soul - Jan Spiller
Nothing happens unless u take the risk; positive actions is the remedy for fear.
Some worldly or material desires we can dismiss simply because they aren't that important to us. After a time, we can let them go. Others will not leave us until we have manifested them on some level.
Soul
I have been wanting to join with Z for the past 1 year. After our joining, my menstrual is flowing back full force again again. I never had so much menstrual flow since many years ago.
Astrology for the Soul - Jan Spiller
Once the personality has been successfully integrated, desires that are of lesser importance begin to fade away and those that demand manifestation can be more easily obtained in the material world.
Once the mechanism of our personality is working efficiently and producing happy results in our daily lives, our basic needs are met and we become open to a higher level of happiness and fulfillment, beyond identifying with the ego and gaining strictly material rewards.
As desires are met and outer goals are no longer so compelling, the personality relaxes. Within this calm, we are open to higher state of consciousness and the deeper happiness that is our natural state: what the Bible describes as "experiencing the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth".
Soul
Amen
Nov 26 Eve
Father, I have not been meditating nor doing any hata. I have just been chilling out with my family. Its great. Good to know I had little tots running thru, except for Z.
My mind is a whirlpool of tots
Nov 24
Father, my mind is a whirlpool of unnecessary tots, it keeps on flowing from everywhere. The tots are mostly unnecessary and create uncertainty if we believe and follow the tots.
Now that I have slowed down and see my tots, I have the option to evaluate if I believe or not.
It was so outrageous that it even had a tot of me being pregnant just because my menses didn't come today. And I hadn't even monitor if my menses is punctual. I know at times it is out when I am stressed.
Yesterday I cried when I tot about having to change food intake. It is like destroying me. I woke up feeling fresh this morning, probably due to little food at night.
I think don't have to change food but definitely need to evaluate dinner as it made me sleepy in the morning. That I will do.
External Issue
Morality
The Queen of Clouds lurks in the mind of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, sinful and virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable, moral and immoral. All these judgements are just products of our conditioning. It keeps us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. It is only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.
Soul
It is about letting go of mind.
Sadhguru
Faith means u have no agenda in life. U r willing to go with God's agenda. U need a very childlike mind, a very innocent mind, if u want to walk the path of faith.
Ur mind is just a complex accumulation of information. If u were conscious, u would know what to take in, what not to take in. Now u r unconscious, so it looks like it is throwing everything at u. It is not throwing everything; it is just a garbage bin. Whatever the topmost layer of garbage is today, that would determine the kind of smell that is coming out. That is all ur mind is.
Now if u create the necessary awareness where u r above the basic function of the mind, if u r a witness to ur own mind and if u r above the process of the mind, there is no such thing as suffering, because all suffering is of the mind.
Once u r out of the mind, there can be no suffering.
Father, my mind is a whirlpool of unnecessary tots, it keeps on flowing from everywhere. The tots are mostly unnecessary and create uncertainty if we believe and follow the tots.
Now that I have slowed down and see my tots, I have the option to evaluate if I believe or not.
It was so outrageous that it even had a tot of me being pregnant just because my menses didn't come today. And I hadn't even monitor if my menses is punctual. I know at times it is out when I am stressed.
Yesterday I cried when I tot about having to change food intake. It is like destroying me. I woke up feeling fresh this morning, probably due to little food at night.
I think don't have to change food but definitely need to evaluate dinner as it made me sleepy in the morning. That I will do.
External Issue
Morality
The Queen of Clouds lurks in the mind of all of us who have been brought up with rigid ideas of good and bad, sinful and virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable, moral and immoral. All these judgements are just products of our conditioning. It keeps us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. It is only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.
Soul
It is about letting go of mind.
Sadhguru
Faith means u have no agenda in life. U r willing to go with God's agenda. U need a very childlike mind, a very innocent mind, if u want to walk the path of faith.
Ur mind is just a complex accumulation of information. If u were conscious, u would know what to take in, what not to take in. Now u r unconscious, so it looks like it is throwing everything at u. It is not throwing everything; it is just a garbage bin. Whatever the topmost layer of garbage is today, that would determine the kind of smell that is coming out. That is all ur mind is.
Now if u create the necessary awareness where u r above the basic function of the mind, if u r a witness to ur own mind and if u r above the process of the mind, there is no such thing as suffering, because all suffering is of the mind.
Once u r out of the mind, there can be no suffering.
Body asserting itself (3)
Nov 23 Eve
I came back and had a 2 hour nap and then put clothes for washing.
Father, I didn't have proper dinner. I had some puff and tea. I am surprised I like the tea. My stomach still cannot take in too much food.
Father, here P and C have changed their food intake. I have been resisting all these while. I was even proud of the fact that I can eat all the food I want. I enjoy food but I am beginning to feel that food may not be love.
I used to need work to validate me, to make me feel good. I need good food to make me feel good and loved. But now I don't have the enthusiasm and food no longer making me feel loved.
Father, at times my body don't feel like eating but the mind is resisting and saying that I am losing it. How can I lose my pride and joy? How can I lose food? Good food is me. If I don't have good food, then who is me. I would have lost me. I wonder if I would lost the happiness.
But now I am not as sure. I don't really need food to be happy. Saying no to food is really like saying no to myself.
Father, I am afraid of losing my love for food. I am afraid I lost it. If I lost it, then what means can I love myself. I am afraid I lost the joy of tasting.
Now I know why for the past few months I have been obsessed with ensuring I got my fix. I keep on driving to ensure I get everything, making sure I eat chili. But now I am filled up to the brim, I cannot put in anymore. Even if it taste good, my body is rejecting it.
I have been on a eating spree for the past few months. I guess that my defense mechanism.
I am no longer that bothered about food. I found myself at times having difficulty in choosing cos all the same to me.
Father, something here. Good food represents me. Without good food, what else?
I have been resisting on food.
I came back and had a 2 hour nap and then put clothes for washing.
Father, I didn't have proper dinner. I had some puff and tea. I am surprised I like the tea. My stomach still cannot take in too much food.
Father, here P and C have changed their food intake. I have been resisting all these while. I was even proud of the fact that I can eat all the food I want. I enjoy food but I am beginning to feel that food may not be love.
I used to need work to validate me, to make me feel good. I need good food to make me feel good and loved. But now I don't have the enthusiasm and food no longer making me feel loved.
Father, at times my body don't feel like eating but the mind is resisting and saying that I am losing it. How can I lose my pride and joy? How can I lose food? Good food is me. If I don't have good food, then who is me. I would have lost me. I wonder if I would lost the happiness.
But now I am not as sure. I don't really need food to be happy. Saying no to food is really like saying no to myself.
Father, I am afraid of losing my love for food. I am afraid I lost it. If I lost it, then what means can I love myself. I am afraid I lost the joy of tasting.
Now I know why for the past few months I have been obsessed with ensuring I got my fix. I keep on driving to ensure I get everything, making sure I eat chili. But now I am filled up to the brim, I cannot put in anymore. Even if it taste good, my body is rejecting it.
I have been on a eating spree for the past few months. I guess that my defense mechanism.
I am no longer that bothered about food. I found myself at times having difficulty in choosing cos all the same to me.
Father, something here. Good food represents me. Without good food, what else?
I have been resisting on food.
Body is asserting itself (2) - no hata for the day
Nov 23
Father, today for the first time I said no to hata. I just couldn't wake up. My throat hurts.
I woke up an hour later to do my meditation. It was ok. I was still feeling sleepy and when I reached office I slept another 20 minutes.
I will exercise some constraint on food. It was so much that my body couldn't take it and these days my body speaks louder and won't be ignored.
Osho
1. Issue
Travelling
Life is a continuity always and always. The journey is the goal. This indicates a time of movement or change.
The attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Soul
Well, I am changing. I am fine in my rship with Z. Less looking at goal, just be with him now.
On office, will have to work with new boss.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
The rebel
The enlightened man is the greatest stranger in the world; he does not seem to belong to anybody. No organisation confines him, no community. He is a master of his own destiny.
He has broken the chains of society"s repressive conditioning and opinions.
He has formed himself by embracing all the colours of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky. He is not fighting anyone, he has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it.
The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.
Soul
Not sure what is this.
3. External influence
Morality
Morality has restricted all the juice and energy of life to the narrow confines of this woman"s mind and always ready to see every situation as black and white.
Awareness cannot do anything that is bad. Anything that comes out of awareness is simply beautiful, simply right, and without any effort and without any practice.
Our judgements, whether applied to ourselves or to others, they keep us from experiencing the beauty of godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.
Soul
Not sure. But I faced my issue with Z and now it is time to face my issue with food.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality imposed by society.
Individuality has the quality of the lion; the lion moves alone.
Take a look at urself, make a move to break out of whatever u have been conditioned by others to believe about urself.
Soul
One thing I know - I ended my issue with Z's unreachability. I now need to look at my food intake.
5. The Resolution
Suppression
Ace of Club
Strong desire for knowledge or the birth of a new idea or plan. A new beginning of some sort.
Soul
What I know is I will practice consciousness in food. I didn't realise what I tot was pleasurable is rejected by my body. It doesn't need it.
Just now I had coffee for breakfast. I just didn't like it and stopped after few sip.
Father, today for the first time I said no to hata. I just couldn't wake up. My throat hurts.
I woke up an hour later to do my meditation. It was ok. I was still feeling sleepy and when I reached office I slept another 20 minutes.
I will exercise some constraint on food. It was so much that my body couldn't take it and these days my body speaks louder and won't be ignored.
Osho
1. Issue
Travelling
Life is a continuity always and always. The journey is the goal. This indicates a time of movement or change.
The attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.
Soul
Well, I am changing. I am fine in my rship with Z. Less looking at goal, just be with him now.
On office, will have to work with new boss.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
The rebel
The enlightened man is the greatest stranger in the world; he does not seem to belong to anybody. No organisation confines him, no community. He is a master of his own destiny.
He has broken the chains of society"s repressive conditioning and opinions.
He has formed himself by embracing all the colours of the rainbow, emerging from the dark and formless roots of his unconscious past and growing wings to fly into the sky. He is not fighting anyone, he has discovered his own true nature and is determined to live in accordance with it.
The Rebel challenges us to be courageous enough to take responsibility for who we are and to live our truth.
Soul
Not sure what is this.
3. External influence
Morality
Morality has restricted all the juice and energy of life to the narrow confines of this woman"s mind and always ready to see every situation as black and white.
Awareness cannot do anything that is bad. Anything that comes out of awareness is simply beautiful, simply right, and without any effort and without any practice.
Our judgements, whether applied to ourselves or to others, they keep us from experiencing the beauty of godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts can we begin to see life as it really is.
Soul
Not sure. But I faced my issue with Z and now it is time to face my issue with food.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality imposed by society.
Individuality has the quality of the lion; the lion moves alone.
Take a look at urself, make a move to break out of whatever u have been conditioned by others to believe about urself.
Soul
One thing I know - I ended my issue with Z's unreachability. I now need to look at my food intake.
5. The Resolution
Suppression
Ace of Club
Strong desire for knowledge or the birth of a new idea or plan. A new beginning of some sort.
Soul
What I know is I will practice consciousness in food. I didn't realise what I tot was pleasurable is rejected by my body. It doesn't need it.
Just now I had coffee for breakfast. I just didn't like it and stopped after few sip.
My body asserting itself
Nov 22 Aft
Father, I heard some 'disturbing' info on MD. She said some not nice things about me. I also realised she bring herself up by bringing others down.
At first my defense mechanism was triggered but immediately an alternative tot came in and said it is good she said I am not creative and following rules. Then I have done my job and make my life easier.
Evening
Father, I am tired of outside food. This is like a continuous 3 weeks of outside food. Tomorrow, go for porridge. My body is saying no to food. For the first time in my life, I wanted to go off food.
I just vomited my guts out. As I was vomiting, I thank my body for purging it out from my stomach as I wasn't feeling good. I know I shouldn't have taken the dinner. The body said no, but my mind says yes.
Infact, this morning, my stools was purged out funnily. I knew something I ate disagree. But I ignored it and continue to eat.
Father, thanks to my body.
Father, why my mind insist? I know food is in my Top 5 but I don't have to over do it. It has been non stop for nearly 3 weeks.
I tot of P with her vegetarian mode. She ate little and infact she said she ate most during volunteer meet. And to me, that was the least I ate and it is vegetarian.
Father, my body cannot take what my mind desires anymore. My body is asserting itself. Just like it assert that it want Z, it is now asserting me to stop eating.
Just like Z pitying his car, I too pity my body. Just because I have the license to eat without growing, doesn't mean that I have to push it.
Father, I heard some 'disturbing' info on MD. She said some not nice things about me. I also realised she bring herself up by bringing others down.
At first my defense mechanism was triggered but immediately an alternative tot came in and said it is good she said I am not creative and following rules. Then I have done my job and make my life easier.
Evening
Father, I am tired of outside food. This is like a continuous 3 weeks of outside food. Tomorrow, go for porridge. My body is saying no to food. For the first time in my life, I wanted to go off food.
I just vomited my guts out. As I was vomiting, I thank my body for purging it out from my stomach as I wasn't feeling good. I know I shouldn't have taken the dinner. The body said no, but my mind says yes.
Infact, this morning, my stools was purged out funnily. I knew something I ate disagree. But I ignored it and continue to eat.
Father, thanks to my body.
Father, why my mind insist? I know food is in my Top 5 but I don't have to over do it. It has been non stop for nearly 3 weeks.
I tot of P with her vegetarian mode. She ate little and infact she said she ate most during volunteer meet. And to me, that was the least I ate and it is vegetarian.
Father, my body cannot take what my mind desires anymore. My body is asserting itself. Just like it assert that it want Z, it is now asserting me to stop eating.
Just like Z pitying his car, I too pity my body. Just because I have the license to eat without growing, doesn't mean that I have to push it.
Settlng down with Z (21) - breakthru on his unreachability
Nov 22 (
Father, practice was good today. My back has got bit better. My body loves hata.
Father, finally broke thru Z's unreachability. He doesn't have his phone with him whenever he is at home or on holiday. Whenever he is with me, he will put the phone on silent. He shared with me that he cannot have his phone near him whenever he is off office as he will pick it up.
I told him I don't have such problem. I have learned to click on my BB mail without reading them. But cannot compare as I don't receive many calls like him. So, next time call 'twice' and leave message. We chatted for about 1 hour. He told me that other gals has never asked him to give 'services', unlike me.
Yesterday met A. He gave me his wedding card. I am happy for him, everything cleared and settled. I can even told Z about it.
Father, things may not be always what we think. Today my mind couldn't find anything and simply pick up the furniture issue. But these days I am learning to dismiss it. I realised that the minds just want to create drama so it can perpetuate itself. When I am hooked, it become worry and then dilemma starts.
Father, practice was good today. My back has got bit better. My body loves hata.
Father, finally broke thru Z's unreachability. He doesn't have his phone with him whenever he is at home or on holiday. Whenever he is with me, he will put the phone on silent. He shared with me that he cannot have his phone near him whenever he is off office as he will pick it up.
I told him I don't have such problem. I have learned to click on my BB mail without reading them. But cannot compare as I don't receive many calls like him. So, next time call 'twice' and leave message. We chatted for about 1 hour. He told me that other gals has never asked him to give 'services', unlike me.
Yesterday met A. He gave me his wedding card. I am happy for him, everything cleared and settled. I can even told Z about it.
Father, things may not be always what we think. Today my mind couldn't find anything and simply pick up the furniture issue. But these days I am learning to dismiss it. I realised that the minds just want to create drama so it can perpetuate itself. When I am hooked, it become worry and then dilemma starts.
Resistance aggravates RA
Nov 21
Father, looks my joints are all stiff. I knew I sat in a bad position but I didn't knew it had such an impact. I have been conscious of my foot and hands but not my back.
Despite the back strain, my suria was fine except that I was not able to close my feet whenever I am in resting position. I also didn't do the plough back as I don't want to aggravate it.
(Dec 18 - yea, all the resistance aggravating RA)
Father, looks my joints are all stiff. I knew I sat in a bad position but I didn't knew it had such an impact. I have been conscious of my foot and hands but not my back.
Despite the back strain, my suria was fine except that I was not able to close my feet whenever I am in resting position. I also didn't do the plough back as I don't want to aggravate it.
(Dec 18 - yea, all the resistance aggravating RA)
Settling down with Z (20) - breakthru
Nov 20
Today the trees and grass were so lovely. They took my breathe away.
Just did the article for newsletter. It was quite easy for me.
Now bit settled on Z. I was reading my article on commitment; suddenly I realised why such dilemma. When we break up, we will break up. No need to be in dilemma. He is not under such dilemma and he doesn't want me to leave. We both wanted each other.
Father, this will be the last time I am going thru such dilemma. Why create unnecessary worry. Why worry about future?
Evening
Called him twice but no response. This time, I just msg him back to call me. This time, I won't take it as a reflection of me. Neither would I take my calling him as asking for commitment.
His idea of commitment is marriage. My idea of commitment is being monogamous with me. While we r together, we are loyal to each other. He has already given his 'commitment' to me.
I am not asking for marriage from him as I don't really want children and I don't feel financially secure with him.
I guess because last week, we finally connected and I got worried about being hooked. Anyway, I am no longer afraid.
On my writing, my mom and sis has asked what's my progress. I told them I was so busy and I have not written for past 1 month.
1. Breakthrough
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously.
Meditation is the method which will help u go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, discipline and alert. The dawn is not far away but before u can reach the dawn, the darknight has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Soul
When I got this card on Monday. I wonder what could it be. But I was in dilemma with Z, pondering future, deciding on ending and etc.
Breakthrough
If u r feeling that "enough is enough", allow urself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so, u will be amazed. At the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.
Soul
When the dilemma keeps on going, my energy level went down. I was tired and not feeling energised. Then towards afternoon, I read an article about commitmment and tot here I go again, how many rounds of mental break up do I need to make with Z. A tot came, why am I in dilemma. Z is not asking for break up. Why am I making myself sad over a break up that no one is asking for.
I called him twice - no response and even leave him a msg. This time it no longer affect me.
He already informed me that he doesn't return call cos he is working hard and put mobile on silent and when he become aware, it was after 11 pm and he knows I don't like it or I would have slept by then. Then the following day, he would be caught up with work.
Father, for a person that claimed he doesn't like me that much, he sure puts a lot of consideration for me. He even shared that he realised I am quite sensitive and take his jokes seriously and would hang up on him.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Innocence
If u drop all that has been given by others, u will have a totally different quality to ur being; innocence. This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality and there will be a resurrection of ur innocence. U will become a child again, reborn.
The innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life.
3. External influence
Postponement
The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside the dithering tots that r preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u waited so long.
Soul
I feel better now that I got it settled. No more tots of self-break up. No more trying to run. No more trying to control, to take charge, to defend myself. I will walk this path, wherever it may take me.
What is needed for Resolution?
Travelling
Life is a continuity always and always. There is no final destination it is going towards. Just the pilgrimage, just the journey in itself is life, not reaching some point, no goal - just dancing and being in pilgrimage, moving joyously, without bothering about any destination. There is much, much more to life than being "on top of things".
5. Resolution
Control
If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing.
Soul
Amen. This was one of the longest reading to materialise. It was a difficult week. It was difficult to release my defense mechanism.
Today the trees and grass were so lovely. They took my breathe away.
Just did the article for newsletter. It was quite easy for me.
Now bit settled on Z. I was reading my article on commitment; suddenly I realised why such dilemma. When we break up, we will break up. No need to be in dilemma. He is not under such dilemma and he doesn't want me to leave. We both wanted each other.
Father, this will be the last time I am going thru such dilemma. Why create unnecessary worry. Why worry about future?
Evening
Called him twice but no response. This time, I just msg him back to call me. This time, I won't take it as a reflection of me. Neither would I take my calling him as asking for commitment.
His idea of commitment is marriage. My idea of commitment is being monogamous with me. While we r together, we are loyal to each other. He has already given his 'commitment' to me.
I am not asking for marriage from him as I don't really want children and I don't feel financially secure with him.
I guess because last week, we finally connected and I got worried about being hooked. Anyway, I am no longer afraid.
On my writing, my mom and sis has asked what's my progress. I told them I was so busy and I have not written for past 1 month.
1. Breakthrough
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously.
Meditation is the method which will help u go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul, balanced, discipline and alert. The dawn is not far away but before u can reach the dawn, the darknight has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.
Soul
When I got this card on Monday. I wonder what could it be. But I was in dilemma with Z, pondering future, deciding on ending and etc.
Breakthrough
If u r feeling that "enough is enough", allow urself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so, u will be amazed. At the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.
Soul
When the dilemma keeps on going, my energy level went down. I was tired and not feeling energised. Then towards afternoon, I read an article about commitmment and tot here I go again, how many rounds of mental break up do I need to make with Z. A tot came, why am I in dilemma. Z is not asking for break up. Why am I making myself sad over a break up that no one is asking for.
I called him twice - no response and even leave him a msg. This time it no longer affect me.
He already informed me that he doesn't return call cos he is working hard and put mobile on silent and when he become aware, it was after 11 pm and he knows I don't like it or I would have slept by then. Then the following day, he would be caught up with work.
Father, for a person that claimed he doesn't like me that much, he sure puts a lot of consideration for me. He even shared that he realised I am quite sensitive and take his jokes seriously and would hang up on him.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Innocence
If u drop all that has been given by others, u will have a totally different quality to ur being; innocence. This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality and there will be a resurrection of ur innocence. U will become a child again, reborn.
The innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the ever-changing wonder of life.
3. External influence
Postponement
The relief and expansiveness u will feel once u put aside the dithering tots that r preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u waited so long.
Soul
I feel better now that I got it settled. No more tots of self-break up. No more trying to run. No more trying to control, to take charge, to defend myself. I will walk this path, wherever it may take me.
What is needed for Resolution?
Travelling
Life is a continuity always and always. There is no final destination it is going towards. Just the pilgrimage, just the journey in itself is life, not reaching some point, no goal - just dancing and being in pilgrimage, moving joyously, without bothering about any destination. There is much, much more to life than being "on top of things".
5. Resolution
Control
If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing.
Soul
Amen. This was one of the longest reading to materialise. It was a difficult week. It was difficult to release my defense mechanism.
Not a good day
Nov 19 Eve
Father, it was a good dinner. My friends enjoyed the dinner very much. Today I gave out 400 for my friends and I am fine.
It is funny, just when I released the fear of not having. I have.
Father, what is it that is I am resisting? Why is my joints stiff?
Today I sense some attacking behaviour from Ca. Her response for our display of exuberance was bit off. Ch said she want to tone it down, she wants to take the 'personality" out. She said there are so many people was put off by such display. Guess this is like the IEO lady who said she was freaked out by laughing ladies during sathsang.
The thing is I have gone beyond that. I used to feel bit disturbed that I interrupted others. But I now knew if they r ok, they get my energy. If they can't get, they won't get it. Like S said, it is great that I am expressive as I gave them hope. So, the positive ones will see as me giving them hopes, the negatives ones will see me as being show off or disturbing them. Anyway, I am with Sadhguru. Like he said, as long as I am genuine, I need not bother about others.
ACIM
The teacher of God has taken accepting the Atonement for himself as his only function. What is there, then, he cannot heal? What miracle can be withheld from him.
The progress of the teacher of God may be slow or rapid, depending on whether he recognises the Atonement's inclusiveness, or for a time excludes some problem areas from it.
That forgiveness is healing needs to be understood, if the teacher of God is to make progress.
Soul
Suddenly I cried out and tears fell. I love Z but I don't want to be tied to him. I can't change him. Perhaps this "let go and let God" is about me releasing him.
I am not sure. After the tears, I felt calmer. I don't want to try anymore. Its fighting a losing battle. I am fine without him. It takes 2 hands to clap and sometimes he claps when I initiate but most time doesn't.
I have been postponing the separation.
ACIM
That forgiveness is healing needs to be understood, if the teacher of God is to make progress. Certainly sickness does not appear to be a decision. Nor would anyone actually believe he wants to be sick.
Soul
Father, I am not sure. Let's sleep on this.
Father, it was a good dinner. My friends enjoyed the dinner very much. Today I gave out 400 for my friends and I am fine.
It is funny, just when I released the fear of not having. I have.
Father, what is it that is I am resisting? Why is my joints stiff?
Today I sense some attacking behaviour from Ca. Her response for our display of exuberance was bit off. Ch said she want to tone it down, she wants to take the 'personality" out. She said there are so many people was put off by such display. Guess this is like the IEO lady who said she was freaked out by laughing ladies during sathsang.
The thing is I have gone beyond that. I used to feel bit disturbed that I interrupted others. But I now knew if they r ok, they get my energy. If they can't get, they won't get it. Like S said, it is great that I am expressive as I gave them hope. So, the positive ones will see as me giving them hopes, the negatives ones will see me as being show off or disturbing them. Anyway, I am with Sadhguru. Like he said, as long as I am genuine, I need not bother about others.
ACIM
The teacher of God has taken accepting the Atonement for himself as his only function. What is there, then, he cannot heal? What miracle can be withheld from him.
The progress of the teacher of God may be slow or rapid, depending on whether he recognises the Atonement's inclusiveness, or for a time excludes some problem areas from it.
That forgiveness is healing needs to be understood, if the teacher of God is to make progress.
Soul
Suddenly I cried out and tears fell. I love Z but I don't want to be tied to him. I can't change him. Perhaps this "let go and let God" is about me releasing him.
I am not sure. After the tears, I felt calmer. I don't want to try anymore. Its fighting a losing battle. I am fine without him. It takes 2 hands to clap and sometimes he claps when I initiate but most time doesn't.
I have been postponing the separation.
ACIM
That forgiveness is healing needs to be understood, if the teacher of God is to make progress. Certainly sickness does not appear to be a decision. Nor would anyone actually believe he wants to be sick.
Soul
Father, I am not sure. Let's sleep on this.
Another Seven of Spades like Z
Nov 19
Father, I miss Z and I wanted to share with him my happenings. I wish we are together openly and we could have gone out with our friends together. Anyway, that is not to be. I miss him and wanted so speak to him. Maybe tonight as I am still not sure of myself.
Meeing MF today, another Seven of Spades. I was also able to see his reason for leaving the jobs, "cannot earn money". His whole focus is earning money to spend and he has only 5 years left to run around and so he need to have a company that has a product for him to sell. At the end, he is a Salesman.
He also said by age 60, he can no longer be active and wants to do a retirement mode of having a chalet to run, something no brainer.
He looks quite haggard as he cannot sleep and is losing hair. He now on medication and have to drink wine to dull himself to sleep or he has to do 2 hours of workout to get himself exhausted. But at times, even at exhaustion stage, he still cannot sleep.
I asked him to do Isha Kriya. He is desperate enough to try.
He is similar to Z. When I told him that he is lucky as he is married to a wife who doesn't mind him being away. He said she know her priority as she too like to spend and hence need him to earn and don't mind that he is always not around.
He told me he cannot imagine if one day he and his wife is together.
He told me he loves shower, just like Z. He told me when he is working, he takes 2 shower and if he is not working, he takes 3 showers. He especially likes rain shower and he wants the water warm and 'hit' on his head. It relieves him and for a moment he stops thinking. He likes physical activity. He likes spa. All these give him instant relaxation.
In my mind I tot of Z. Like Z, he also think m lazy bum. The truth is I don't like to earn, so I don't spend. For him, he likes to earn, he need to do something. He cannot sit still.
Just now meeting, I can see my ire comes up. As usual, defense mechanism, once faced perceived criticism, I wanted to run away and do rejection. Anyway, I didn't let it go to tilt and I handle myself. I can see my defense building and I let it just sizzled a bit and didn't really acted on it. After a while, it moves away.
Father, I miss Z and I wanted to share with him my happenings. I wish we are together openly and we could have gone out with our friends together. Anyway, that is not to be. I miss him and wanted so speak to him. Maybe tonight as I am still not sure of myself.
Meeing MF today, another Seven of Spades. I was also able to see his reason for leaving the jobs, "cannot earn money". His whole focus is earning money to spend and he has only 5 years left to run around and so he need to have a company that has a product for him to sell. At the end, he is a Salesman.
He also said by age 60, he can no longer be active and wants to do a retirement mode of having a chalet to run, something no brainer.
He looks quite haggard as he cannot sleep and is losing hair. He now on medication and have to drink wine to dull himself to sleep or he has to do 2 hours of workout to get himself exhausted. But at times, even at exhaustion stage, he still cannot sleep.
I asked him to do Isha Kriya. He is desperate enough to try.
He is similar to Z. When I told him that he is lucky as he is married to a wife who doesn't mind him being away. He said she know her priority as she too like to spend and hence need him to earn and don't mind that he is always not around.
He told me he cannot imagine if one day he and his wife is together.
He told me he loves shower, just like Z. He told me when he is working, he takes 2 shower and if he is not working, he takes 3 showers. He especially likes rain shower and he wants the water warm and 'hit' on his head. It relieves him and for a moment he stops thinking. He likes physical activity. He likes spa. All these give him instant relaxation.
In my mind I tot of Z. Like Z, he also think m lazy bum. The truth is I don't like to earn, so I don't spend. For him, he likes to earn, he need to do something. He cannot sit still.
Just now meeting, I can see my ire comes up. As usual, defense mechanism, once faced perceived criticism, I wanted to run away and do rejection. Anyway, I didn't let it go to tilt and I handle myself. I can see my defense building and I let it just sizzled a bit and didn't really acted on it. After a while, it moves away.
Meditation is surrender
Nov 18
Father, I woke up before alarm at 4.45am but I felt sleepy and for a moment, I don't feel like getting up. Then I told myself that this is good for me and wake up.
My right elbow is still stiff and felt some pain. I asked what is it I am resisting?
Start my suria namaskara reluctantly. Despite my initial reluctance, my body starts to enjoy after 3 cycles of suria and it becomes effortless thereafter. Did my shakti and shambavi,but had some tots of Z.
Sadhguru
A relationship is possible only if u r an individual by yourself; only then u can hold a relationship. Otherwise, if it is coming from compulsion, it is not really a rship as u hang onto somebody.
If one wants to have absolutely fantastic relationships, no matter where he goes, first he needs to establish himself as a joyful human being, somebody whose joy is on "self start" and not on "push start".
If by himself, he is fine, wherever he goes, he will have wonderful rships with people. When u r not fine by yourself, u use the other person to fill in the gap; then u will be in constant trouble.
Sadhguru - surrender
Surrender is a quality, not something u do.
When all ur doings stop, u r surrender. When u do Shoonya, u r actually in surrender. If that is not there, there is no Shoonya. Meditation is deep surrender. If u really become meditative, u r in surrender.
Surrender is just like darkness. It always is.
Nov 18 Eve
Father, I suddenly had tots of Z. I know I will have to leave him. Mmm, suddenly tot it was just last week we spend a great time together and here I am having second tots. Just have to stick to let go and Let God.
When I was sitting in the airport, I know I no longer seek the glamour of air travels. I really prefer to be at home. I guess this could also be for the 2 weeks I hardly was at home.
Just focus on completing make -over of house
Father, I woke up before alarm at 4.45am but I felt sleepy and for a moment, I don't feel like getting up. Then I told myself that this is good for me and wake up.
My right elbow is still stiff and felt some pain. I asked what is it I am resisting?
Start my suria namaskara reluctantly. Despite my initial reluctance, my body starts to enjoy after 3 cycles of suria and it becomes effortless thereafter. Did my shakti and shambavi,but had some tots of Z.
Sadhguru
A relationship is possible only if u r an individual by yourself; only then u can hold a relationship. Otherwise, if it is coming from compulsion, it is not really a rship as u hang onto somebody.
If one wants to have absolutely fantastic relationships, no matter where he goes, first he needs to establish himself as a joyful human being, somebody whose joy is on "self start" and not on "push start".
If by himself, he is fine, wherever he goes, he will have wonderful rships with people. When u r not fine by yourself, u use the other person to fill in the gap; then u will be in constant trouble.
Sadhguru - surrender
Surrender is a quality, not something u do.
When all ur doings stop, u r surrender. When u do Shoonya, u r actually in surrender. If that is not there, there is no Shoonya. Meditation is deep surrender. If u really become meditative, u r in surrender.
Surrender is just like darkness. It always is.
Nov 18 Eve
Father, I suddenly had tots of Z. I know I will have to leave him. Mmm, suddenly tot it was just last week we spend a great time together and here I am having second tots. Just have to stick to let go and Let God.
When I was sitting in the airport, I know I no longer seek the glamour of air travels. I really prefer to be at home. I guess this could also be for the 2 weeks I hardly was at home.
Just focus on completing make -over of house
Desire is just an anxiety to enhance yourself
Nov 17
Father, a good meal with good company. I told them of my plan for 3 days work.
This morning I wanted the fish head with yam and I got it just now.
Sadhguru
Desire is just an anxiety to enhance urself. Whether the desire is to acquire money, things or people or to do something, the desire is just an anxiety to enhance urself.
U need to enhance urself because somewhere there is a strong and constant feeling of inadequacy.
The energy, which u called "life" is trying its original nature of unboundedness. But because u r unconscious, u keep desiring things and activities. If u r conscious, then it becomes a spiritual process.
(Dec 18 - my desire was to be special. to be the one with 4 days week. But I lost it..)
Father, a good meal with good company. I told them of my plan for 3 days work.
This morning I wanted the fish head with yam and I got it just now.
Sadhguru
Desire is just an anxiety to enhance urself. Whether the desire is to acquire money, things or people or to do something, the desire is just an anxiety to enhance urself.
U need to enhance urself because somewhere there is a strong and constant feeling of inadequacy.
The energy, which u called "life" is trying its original nature of unboundedness. But because u r unconscious, u keep desiring things and activities. If u r conscious, then it becomes a spiritual process.
(Dec 18 - my desire was to be special. to be the one with 4 days week. But I lost it..)
Settling down with Z (20)
Nov 16
Father, the water in the pool was so cold but I managed to swim. But it definitely not good to swim after meditation. So, tomorrow I will do my yoga.
Today, without any resistance I did the audit test and progressing much quickly. I even stayed late up to 7 pm. May be possible to complete by tomorrow. Will stretch it so can do up to 1st half of Fri. Then I can do some shop around 2nd half or perhaps change to an earlier flight.
Father, now that I m becoming more receptive and prone to listen to my tots, I found myself hearing vibrational sound. Its bit disturbing.
Today I got Nine of Spades. Not sure what it meant but it reinforces that I am pursuing 3 days work still.
Sadhguru
Now if u want to transcend ur limitations, first of all, u have to grow into receptivity.
U do not have to play a game to enhance ur security or to substantiate urself. U only play a game to dissolve into it. A game is a tool for u to dissolve into, not to prove who u r, not to establish urself. The game is always dissolving. It makes u merge into a certain process.
Soul
Tot of Z as my Cosmic Lesson. I surrender. I won't be planning. What will be will be.
Met an ex colleague who has not seen me for 2 years. He said I look nicer and years younger.
Father, the water in the pool was so cold but I managed to swim. But it definitely not good to swim after meditation. So, tomorrow I will do my yoga.
Today, without any resistance I did the audit test and progressing much quickly. I even stayed late up to 7 pm. May be possible to complete by tomorrow. Will stretch it so can do up to 1st half of Fri. Then I can do some shop around 2nd half or perhaps change to an earlier flight.
Father, now that I m becoming more receptive and prone to listen to my tots, I found myself hearing vibrational sound. Its bit disturbing.
Today I got Nine of Spades. Not sure what it meant but it reinforces that I am pursuing 3 days work still.
Sadhguru
Now if u want to transcend ur limitations, first of all, u have to grow into receptivity.
U do not have to play a game to enhance ur security or to substantiate urself. U only play a game to dissolve into it. A game is a tool for u to dissolve into, not to prove who u r, not to establish urself. The game is always dissolving. It makes u merge into a certain process.
Soul
Tot of Z as my Cosmic Lesson. I surrender. I won't be planning. What will be will be.
Met an ex colleague who has not seen me for 2 years. He said I look nicer and years younger.
Settling down with Z (19)
Nov 15
Father, today when I was meditating, I had a positive tot on Z. Instead of lamenting that he seldom call me, I tot that he couldn't call me because he is afraid of falling for me. At times, he has tons of questions to ask me but he hold back and wait for my call. If he isn't afraid, he can call me.
Anyway, for once, I will let go and let God.
On RA, I guess the trigger is timely as it reaffirm that I should not go for new job. Just relax.
(Dec 18 - RA is about relaxing resistance. I was resistant to change. Now I go with the flow)
Today got Six of Hearts, just settling down with him. Let go and Let God.
Afternoon
Now at airport, waiting for my flight. I was bit blur, didn't realise that I don't have to take the train. Anyway, got back and now having coffee and muffin at Harrods and I am settled. The coffee is good and the muffin has butter, albeit over-bake and I ate the middle portion only.
Told Z about it by msg. Let's face it, he is part of my life now. Just go with the flow. Since I got to know that there are about 10 persons on his BB's messenger and he said he read it last, I no longer take it personally when he didn't reply. For me, he is the only one.
What he has done, is to enable me not to take things personally. He is not doing anything to me.
Just now receive a call from V, on helping her with HR consultancy. She said she is now a mother of three and is unable to cope. So, she wants a freelance to help and tot of me. I said I am game and meeting can be arranged on Friday. Mmm, another avenue of income. If this grows big, I can quit from day to day job. Give consultancy and also writing, promoting IEO and volunteering for Isha.
Suddenly tot that I should be going for 3 days work. I have been a consultant throughout my career. And the work I am doing now can be delegated to my Finance Mgr. If she is willing to pick up, I will promote her to Snr Finance Mgr. She needs to handles Budgeting. She needs to liaise with the Team directly.
Tot I can expand my role with V to include operation consultancy. And I should be calling my cousin as I am a good CEO coach.
(Dec 18 - Yea, I be coach to E)
Father, today when I was meditating, I had a positive tot on Z. Instead of lamenting that he seldom call me, I tot that he couldn't call me because he is afraid of falling for me. At times, he has tons of questions to ask me but he hold back and wait for my call. If he isn't afraid, he can call me.
Anyway, for once, I will let go and let God.
On RA, I guess the trigger is timely as it reaffirm that I should not go for new job. Just relax.
(Dec 18 - RA is about relaxing resistance. I was resistant to change. Now I go with the flow)
Today got Six of Hearts, just settling down with him. Let go and Let God.
Afternoon
Now at airport, waiting for my flight. I was bit blur, didn't realise that I don't have to take the train. Anyway, got back and now having coffee and muffin at Harrods and I am settled. The coffee is good and the muffin has butter, albeit over-bake and I ate the middle portion only.
Told Z about it by msg. Let's face it, he is part of my life now. Just go with the flow. Since I got to know that there are about 10 persons on his BB's messenger and he said he read it last, I no longer take it personally when he didn't reply. For me, he is the only one.
What he has done, is to enable me not to take things personally. He is not doing anything to me.
Just now receive a call from V, on helping her with HR consultancy. She said she is now a mother of three and is unable to cope. So, she wants a freelance to help and tot of me. I said I am game and meeting can be arranged on Friday. Mmm, another avenue of income. If this grows big, I can quit from day to day job. Give consultancy and also writing, promoting IEO and volunteering for Isha.
Suddenly tot that I should be going for 3 days work. I have been a consultant throughout my career. And the work I am doing now can be delegated to my Finance Mgr. If she is willing to pick up, I will promote her to Snr Finance Mgr. She needs to handles Budgeting. She needs to liaise with the Team directly.
Tot I can expand my role with V to include operation consultancy. And I should be calling my cousin as I am a good CEO coach.
(Dec 18 - Yea, I be coach to E)
Settling down with Z (18)
Nov 14
Father, the venture with LK can be considered. I just msg her to do IEO as volunteer since we r going to promote it.
Sadhguru
If u move into a higher intensity of awareness, destroying ur limitation comes naturally to u. If u becomes really aware, then everything that is not true will fall off. Only that which is true will be. Then we do not have to make u jump and do this and that.
Soul
My dream was to be a Transforming Agent. I also recalled that I said I be a Life promoter of Isha and now there is a chance to do so and get good income.
Osho
When u discover the heart, u find the doorway to the present moment. The senses become crisp and clear, a loving awareness, an acceptance, a yes to life.
Soul
When I read my Osho cards. Two tots come to mind. First is my business venture and second is Z.
Now that I calmed down, with Z it was fear, I want to escape before I go in further. Nevermind, I already set Mar 2012 as the separation date. Besides, I need to practice a bit and make sure I master it before we separate.
So, it is about the new venture. I also got a document for FB marketing, which is great. And I have a good discussion with Lk.
Nov 14 Aft
Just did my shoonya. When I closed my eyes, to my surprise I just felt happy. It was a heavy day today and I am glad I did some work yesterday.
Today talking to LK brought things clearer into focus. My advice to her is the advice to myself. I have been hesitating. I have been on 4 days week for nearly 8 months and my website nearly 1 year.
Evening
Was driving back and had tots of break up again. I used to tell myself I can't cos we haven't gone all the way. Now that we did, there is no more excuse. I told myself March is it. Then I start to become bit sad. Later I tot why am I thinking of separation when we had a real good trip. Why am I thinking of separation? Then I realised its because of fear. We have already connected and yet there doesn't seem to be a change in us. I felt a loss of control and want to take charge back. And part of me not sure if I truly want him when he seems to be spending beyond his means or rather he has no issue with having capital commitment. And I am not sure if I can feel financially secure with him. Then I stop. He is truly my mirror. We r both controller, we needed to be in charge. He loves to spend on capital items and I love to spend on misc items like food.
Now reading the Cosmic Love
Pisces (connection between me and Z)
This relationship can help u both learn how to "let go and let God".
Creating a pathway that is in alignment with events as they are unfolding can help both of u to become less judgemental, more flexible and help u surrender to the flow of unconditional love.
Aim for; Understanding and Forgiveness; trusting that a Higher Power is in charge; experiencing joy and bliss. Letting other people be themselves, accepting that which u cannot change.
Father, the venture with LK can be considered. I just msg her to do IEO as volunteer since we r going to promote it.
Sadhguru
If u move into a higher intensity of awareness, destroying ur limitation comes naturally to u. If u becomes really aware, then everything that is not true will fall off. Only that which is true will be. Then we do not have to make u jump and do this and that.
Soul
My dream was to be a Transforming Agent. I also recalled that I said I be a Life promoter of Isha and now there is a chance to do so and get good income.
Osho
When u discover the heart, u find the doorway to the present moment. The senses become crisp and clear, a loving awareness, an acceptance, a yes to life.
Soul
When I read my Osho cards. Two tots come to mind. First is my business venture and second is Z.
Now that I calmed down, with Z it was fear, I want to escape before I go in further. Nevermind, I already set Mar 2012 as the separation date. Besides, I need to practice a bit and make sure I master it before we separate.
So, it is about the new venture. I also got a document for FB marketing, which is great. And I have a good discussion with Lk.
Nov 14 Aft
Just did my shoonya. When I closed my eyes, to my surprise I just felt happy. It was a heavy day today and I am glad I did some work yesterday.
Today talking to LK brought things clearer into focus. My advice to her is the advice to myself. I have been hesitating. I have been on 4 days week for nearly 8 months and my website nearly 1 year.
Evening
Was driving back and had tots of break up again. I used to tell myself I can't cos we haven't gone all the way. Now that we did, there is no more excuse. I told myself March is it. Then I start to become bit sad. Later I tot why am I thinking of separation when we had a real good trip. Why am I thinking of separation? Then I realised its because of fear. We have already connected and yet there doesn't seem to be a change in us. I felt a loss of control and want to take charge back. And part of me not sure if I truly want him when he seems to be spending beyond his means or rather he has no issue with having capital commitment. And I am not sure if I can feel financially secure with him. Then I stop. He is truly my mirror. We r both controller, we needed to be in charge. He loves to spend on capital items and I love to spend on misc items like food.
Now reading the Cosmic Love
Pisces (connection between me and Z)
This relationship can help u both learn how to "let go and let God".
Creating a pathway that is in alignment with events as they are unfolding can help both of u to become less judgemental, more flexible and help u surrender to the flow of unconditional love.
Aim for; Understanding and Forgiveness; trusting that a Higher Power is in charge; experiencing joy and bliss. Letting other people be themselves, accepting that which u cannot change.
Sathsang is a meeting with your own Truth
Nov 13
Father, today walk was quite fine and I can hear my tots process. Some tots of office, some of Z and others. It was going round and round.
Evening
Sathsang didn't go well and teacher has loads of comments on set-up, which I am glad. I have been feeling frustrated that the sathsang responsibility lies on me. They don't seem to take it seriously and they think I over-react. I normally had to ignore it cos I want to focus on getting my energy right.
I told teacher, I don't want to be sathsang guide. I really enjoyed sitting there and its a real volunteering for me to be a sathsang guide. Teacher said she understood as she too prefers to sit there but no one wants to do the 'dirty job'. So, looks like she may have failed with C.
She said that she wants me to meet Sadhguru. I immediately said "That's a scary tot". She was surprised. I then tone down and said yeah, next time. Father, I have no plans to meet Sadhguru. It be too scary. I am not ready for him to see through me. To know that I am not yet willing to bring out what I experienced within. Some parts of me still clinging to the old me.
Just had a good session with LK. I told her that I like to work with her in marketing IEO.
She also tot of this:
Joy Business by Joy Ong. Speak about Joy for business world. The corporate need that kind of topic ....
(Dec 18 - I think I need to rise further in my career to include regional exposure, then I can show others how meditation helps us in everyway. So, I am not off-track. It is still on.)
Soul
Something to ponder as this was the same line of tot that H has told me years ago. Mmm, its great that H said she is freed up next year. So, I now have L, H and counsel by V.
(Dec 18 - H said she can only edit my writing and nothing else. She has her own dream to pursue, being a lecturer. Another indication that I was right to take the regional job, just go with the flow.)
It is quite ironic, the Nine of Diamond said that if I learn to let go of money flowing out, new avenues will comes in. Today, I finally said yes to the bathroom renovation and settled my wardrobe. I go for wood cover as the plastic cover looks bit 'cheap". Also, its dark brown is not as great looking as the one I saw in the complex's toilet.
Father, like I told LK, I am ready to move on. I am financially secured and have off time to pursue my new venture. And I told her she now need to nego for that too.
Sadhguru
The only thing that lies between the human and the divine, the finite and the boundless, the seeking and the finding, is choice.
Choice is not the acquisition of any path-breaking wisdom, but a determined refusal to strengthen one's ignorance, to reinforce one's deceptions, to 'gold-plate' one's limitation.
Soul
That's me now. I want to let go of my attachment to money.
Sadhguru's Sathsangh
Sathsangh means we want to communicate with that which is true;
To be in touch with truth, we do not have to go to the core of the galaxy, because the core of a human being is also the same thing. U want to perceive yourself.
The very process of sathsang means that u go into a state of where u do not exist. U cease to exist as a person. U stop identifying with urself so that the subjectivity becomes everything. There is nothing to perceive. U simply sit there. This is the very basis of everything that u called
spiritual.
In order to be this way, u need to be in a certain presence. If u just sit here and completely strip urself of everything that u identify urself with -and if u manage to throw everything down - then u will see there is no such thing as "me", but there is a huge presence. There is a tremendous, overwhelming presence. Unless a person experiences this presence, he has not taken any spiritual steps in his life yet. Maybe he is thinking of spirituality - simply thinking and hesitating all the time.
Sathsang, in its ultimate sense, means that u surrender the wall that u have built.
Soul
This is exactly what I said about Sathsang in the newsletter. A place whereby I can just open and dissolve. A safe cocoon whereby I have a special date with my Self.
Sadhguru's Sathsang
It is not that sathsang has to happen in a particular room or a hall. For those who are willing, it is happening all the time.
Soul
Yea, I just close my eyes and I dissolve. In the swimming pool, I connect with the water and I am dissolved.
Father, thank U. I have been wondering about my meditative mode. Looks like I just become more willing to Life.
Amen.
Father, today walk was quite fine and I can hear my tots process. Some tots of office, some of Z and others. It was going round and round.
Evening
Sathsang didn't go well and teacher has loads of comments on set-up, which I am glad. I have been feeling frustrated that the sathsang responsibility lies on me. They don't seem to take it seriously and they think I over-react. I normally had to ignore it cos I want to focus on getting my energy right.
I told teacher, I don't want to be sathsang guide. I really enjoyed sitting there and its a real volunteering for me to be a sathsang guide. Teacher said she understood as she too prefers to sit there but no one wants to do the 'dirty job'. So, looks like she may have failed with C.
She said that she wants me to meet Sadhguru. I immediately said "That's a scary tot". She was surprised. I then tone down and said yeah, next time. Father, I have no plans to meet Sadhguru. It be too scary. I am not ready for him to see through me. To know that I am not yet willing to bring out what I experienced within. Some parts of me still clinging to the old me.
Just had a good session with LK. I told her that I like to work with her in marketing IEO.
She also tot of this:
Joy Business by Joy Ong. Speak about Joy for business world. The corporate need that kind of topic ....
(Dec 18 - I think I need to rise further in my career to include regional exposure, then I can show others how meditation helps us in everyway. So, I am not off-track. It is still on.)
Soul
Something to ponder as this was the same line of tot that H has told me years ago. Mmm, its great that H said she is freed up next year. So, I now have L, H and counsel by V.
(Dec 18 - H said she can only edit my writing and nothing else. She has her own dream to pursue, being a lecturer. Another indication that I was right to take the regional job, just go with the flow.)
It is quite ironic, the Nine of Diamond said that if I learn to let go of money flowing out, new avenues will comes in. Today, I finally said yes to the bathroom renovation and settled my wardrobe. I go for wood cover as the plastic cover looks bit 'cheap". Also, its dark brown is not as great looking as the one I saw in the complex's toilet.
Father, like I told LK, I am ready to move on. I am financially secured and have off time to pursue my new venture. And I told her she now need to nego for that too.
Sadhguru
The only thing that lies between the human and the divine, the finite and the boundless, the seeking and the finding, is choice.
Choice is not the acquisition of any path-breaking wisdom, but a determined refusal to strengthen one's ignorance, to reinforce one's deceptions, to 'gold-plate' one's limitation.
Soul
That's me now. I want to let go of my attachment to money.
Sadhguru's Sathsangh
Sathsangh means we want to communicate with that which is true;
To be in touch with truth, we do not have to go to the core of the galaxy, because the core of a human being is also the same thing. U want to perceive yourself.
The very process of sathsang means that u go into a state of where u do not exist. U cease to exist as a person. U stop identifying with urself so that the subjectivity becomes everything. There is nothing to perceive. U simply sit there. This is the very basis of everything that u called
spiritual.
In order to be this way, u need to be in a certain presence. If u just sit here and completely strip urself of everything that u identify urself with -and if u manage to throw everything down - then u will see there is no such thing as "me", but there is a huge presence. There is a tremendous, overwhelming presence. Unless a person experiences this presence, he has not taken any spiritual steps in his life yet. Maybe he is thinking of spirituality - simply thinking and hesitating all the time.
Sathsang, in its ultimate sense, means that u surrender the wall that u have built.
Soul
This is exactly what I said about Sathsang in the newsletter. A place whereby I can just open and dissolve. A safe cocoon whereby I have a special date with my Self.
Sadhguru's Sathsang
It is not that sathsang has to happen in a particular room or a hall. For those who are willing, it is happening all the time.
Soul
Yea, I just close my eyes and I dissolve. In the swimming pool, I connect with the water and I am dissolved.
Father, thank U. I have been wondering about my meditative mode. Looks like I just become more willing to Life.
Amen.
Settling down with Z (17)
Nov 12
Father, the training for teacher went well. I was quite good. Luckily I was unduly worried about it, otherwise it would be a wasted time.
Just now I called Z. He was explaining to me his detailed plan as to why he didn't reply my msg. And he asked me about the incident, if I am still bleeding. He do cares for me. He is a good man. I was surprised and brushed it off. But inside I smile cos it sweet of him to ask.
Father, the training for teacher went well. I was quite good. Luckily I was unduly worried about it, otherwise it would be a wasted time.
Just now I called Z. He was explaining to me his detailed plan as to why he didn't reply my msg. And he asked me about the incident, if I am still bleeding. He do cares for me. He is a good man. I was surprised and brushed it off. But inside I smile cos it sweet of him to ask.
Settling down with Z (16)
Nov 11
Father, our meet up is over by today. Finally, we have bonded and I like it. There is a lasting pleasure that spread throughout the body.
We are quite compatible, spending time together and yet able to be independent. I go for swim whenever he need a sleep. I swam everyday, my breathing normalised in the pool.
As for the meet up, it was natural for both of us. I tot and wonder how it will be, but we r now so comfortable ith each other.
I also found out he stayed with the gal less than 2 months, which reaffirm that he is not that cold a person. Overall is a good trip and we want to go other places.
Father, our meet up is over by today. Finally, we have bonded and I like it. There is a lasting pleasure that spread throughout the body.
We are quite compatible, spending time together and yet able to be independent. I go for swim whenever he need a sleep. I swam everyday, my breathing normalised in the pool.
As for the meet up, it was natural for both of us. I tot and wonder how it will be, but we r now so comfortable ith each other.
I also found out he stayed with the gal less than 2 months, which reaffirm that he is not that cold a person. Overall is a good trip and we want to go other places.
Settling down with Z (15)
Nov 10
Father, Z really cannot 'afford' me. He doesn't have the time or money. His time and money is so limited that he need to prioritise and yet I am there. I am definitely in his Top 5.
For me, I am not sure.
(Dec 17 - our meetup has been irregular as he is financially tight. It is not because he wants me less.)
Father, Z really cannot 'afford' me. He doesn't have the time or money. His time and money is so limited that he need to prioritise and yet I am there. I am definitely in his Top 5.
For me, I am not sure.
(Dec 17 - our meetup has been irregular as he is financially tight. It is not because he wants me less.)
Settling down with myself
Nov 9
Father, thank U for having me. I love myself. I love my family and my life.
Just now suria was bit 'funny'. I feel some pleasure, like a small orgasm. My body likes it. I already felt it a bit yesterday but I ignored it and today it is more acute.
On aum chanting, laughter is bubbling, even when I was doing invocation.
I am not bringing notebook as I got yoga mat and my Isha Kriya notes and Cosmic Love book. Besides, actually its only 2 full days and I want us to spend time together.
Father, thank U for having me. I love myself. I love my family and my life.
Just now suria was bit 'funny'. I feel some pleasure, like a small orgasm. My body likes it. I already felt it a bit yesterday but I ignored it and today it is more acute.
On aum chanting, laughter is bubbling, even when I was doing invocation.
I am not bringing notebook as I got yoga mat and my Isha Kriya notes and Cosmic Love book. Besides, actually its only 2 full days and I want us to spend time together.
Nov 8
Father, the practice was fine but I was asleep at the end. The hata was great as if I was having orgasm.
Father, just received msg reply from Z and I can feel my anger rising. I didn't realise that there is so much anger in me. Recently I have been getting upset at things which normally wouldn't trigger me.
Firstly, the sadness came out and now anger. I tot I had no problem with anger but looks like it is not so.
When I was doing my meditation, I saw that the darker brown suit the cabinet well and will fit with my new wall paint and its gold specks will brighten up the room.
SN in Scorpio
What these people really want is money. They want to accumulate financial resources and material possessions to gain a sense of comfort and stability so they can begin to "really live"
Soul
True. That's why I hold back on renovation and furnishing eventhough I appreciate beauty and enjoy comforts.
Anyway, I decided that if others can enjoy, so can I. Like Z said money is not mine, until I spend it.
SN in Scorpio
Releasing attachment
As long as SN focus on material needs, their needs seem endless. The irony is that when they stop feeding the inner mechanism that urges them to possess, they begin releasing what they own and feel better.
A new energy enters their lives. The peace and contentment they seek come in a new and unexpected way; a spiritual way.
In this lifetime they are scheduled to give up trying to fill the emptiness inside through material things and instead pursue pathways that will lead to fulfillment of their spiritual needs. Acknowledging the intangible, spiritual part of themselves will bring them a sense of self-worth.
Any step they take in the direction of gaining insight - by keeping a journal, undergoing psychotheraphy or learning self-mastery through taking risks and having transformational experiences - will reap immediate rewards.
Soul
Exactly my Cosmic Lesson and Neptune card in 7thunder.
SN in Scorpio
Money issue
The secret to accumulation is proper distribution. If they want to be wealthy, these folks must learn to be stewards of money rather than hoarders of money.
They think the key to having money is holding on to it, whereas in fact the opposite is true. Money loves to circulate and is attracted to people who will keep it in motion. If they don't allow money to flow to others through them, only a certain amount can come back to them because they are not clear channel.
These folks often have a difficulty of letting go of anything - and money most of all!
Gratitude for what they have releases anxiety so they no longer block the flow of money and material things. If they let money and possessions pass through them in love, more will always be there.
Soul
Yeap, I definitely got issue with money. I am a hoarder. I now begin to live.
Received msg from Z in response to my profile; "When ur mind is clear, joy comes effortlessly"
When is no $$$$$ commitment, joy comes effortlessly ..!
And also with no commitment , stored gd fund ..mind become clear..and stress free..!
My reply to him
For me, I got money but I am stressed when I see the funds goes down. The tot of spending 20k is unsettling me. So, thanks for reminder that I have no reason at all to feel stressed.
When I saw the msg, I now understood he is my mirror. I am afraid to spend because I need more. He is worried if he doesn't spend. We are both end. I guess for me, the security is the accumulation of money. For him, is the accumulation of assets.
Shortly, I was viewing a 2 min youtube of IEO and I msg him:
Just watched Sadhguru dvd, joy comes not because of external, but because of ur internal chemistry :)
And now humbly I realised that we are at different phase. He is on surviving mode, me at spiritual mode.
Actually he has money, but is spending beyond his means and I have money but is spending below my means.
Nov 8 Eve
I am all packed. Looking forward tomorrow. It has been one month since we last meet. Boss asked me if I am going to exotic place. I said no exotic place, just going with exotic man. She laughed and said its the company that count. She asked me to enjoy myself and not to think or worry about future. Great advice.
Father, the practice was fine but I was asleep at the end. The hata was great as if I was having orgasm.
Father, just received msg reply from Z and I can feel my anger rising. I didn't realise that there is so much anger in me. Recently I have been getting upset at things which normally wouldn't trigger me.
Firstly, the sadness came out and now anger. I tot I had no problem with anger but looks like it is not so.
When I was doing my meditation, I saw that the darker brown suit the cabinet well and will fit with my new wall paint and its gold specks will brighten up the room.
SN in Scorpio
What these people really want is money. They want to accumulate financial resources and material possessions to gain a sense of comfort and stability so they can begin to "really live"
Soul
True. That's why I hold back on renovation and furnishing eventhough I appreciate beauty and enjoy comforts.
Anyway, I decided that if others can enjoy, so can I. Like Z said money is not mine, until I spend it.
SN in Scorpio
Releasing attachment
As long as SN focus on material needs, their needs seem endless. The irony is that when they stop feeding the inner mechanism that urges them to possess, they begin releasing what they own and feel better.
A new energy enters their lives. The peace and contentment they seek come in a new and unexpected way; a spiritual way.
In this lifetime they are scheduled to give up trying to fill the emptiness inside through material things and instead pursue pathways that will lead to fulfillment of their spiritual needs. Acknowledging the intangible, spiritual part of themselves will bring them a sense of self-worth.
Any step they take in the direction of gaining insight - by keeping a journal, undergoing psychotheraphy or learning self-mastery through taking risks and having transformational experiences - will reap immediate rewards.
Soul
Exactly my Cosmic Lesson and Neptune card in 7thunder.
SN in Scorpio
Money issue
The secret to accumulation is proper distribution. If they want to be wealthy, these folks must learn to be stewards of money rather than hoarders of money.
They think the key to having money is holding on to it, whereas in fact the opposite is true. Money loves to circulate and is attracted to people who will keep it in motion. If they don't allow money to flow to others through them, only a certain amount can come back to them because they are not clear channel.
These folks often have a difficulty of letting go of anything - and money most of all!
Gratitude for what they have releases anxiety so they no longer block the flow of money and material things. If they let money and possessions pass through them in love, more will always be there.
Soul
Yeap, I definitely got issue with money. I am a hoarder. I now begin to live.
Received msg from Z in response to my profile; "When ur mind is clear, joy comes effortlessly"
When is no $$$$$ commitment, joy comes effortlessly ..!
And also with no commitment , stored gd fund ..mind become clear..and stress free..!
My reply to him
For me, I got money but I am stressed when I see the funds goes down. The tot of spending 20k is unsettling me. So, thanks for reminder that I have no reason at all to feel stressed.
When I saw the msg, I now understood he is my mirror. I am afraid to spend because I need more. He is worried if he doesn't spend. We are both end. I guess for me, the security is the accumulation of money. For him, is the accumulation of assets.
Shortly, I was viewing a 2 min youtube of IEO and I msg him:
Just watched Sadhguru dvd, joy comes not because of external, but because of ur internal chemistry :)
And now humbly I realised that we are at different phase. He is on surviving mode, me at spiritual mode.
Actually he has money, but is spending beyond his means and I have money but is spending below my means.
Nov 8 Eve
I am all packed. Looking forward tomorrow. It has been one month since we last meet. Boss asked me if I am going to exotic place. I said no exotic place, just going with exotic man. She laughed and said its the company that count. She asked me to enjoy myself and not to think or worry about future. Great advice.
Opening up to change - getting shaky
Nov 7
Father, did my practice today and it was fine. Went for a walk instead of hata as the mat is still bit wet.
Nine of Diamonds
When money does seem to be lost under Nine of Diamonds, keep in mind that this is just the preparation for a new cycle of incoming money. Sometimes we need to spend some money to stimulate more to come in.
(Dec 17 - I spend 25k on renovation and new job with more income is coming in. I will recover the renovation costs in8 months.
Nov 7 Eve
Father, I called him cos I am feeling bit edgy but there was no response. This time I send him a msg.
I am bit disturbed and it could be due to money flowing out or maybe not as I have expected it. Okay, at least my wardrobe and bed is now less 1500 than what I budget which helps to cover for the additional costs required for the bathroom.
I am disturbed cos there is lot of things to do tomorrow. As for the work, I can push ERM to 14 Nov, so I am fine lah. And I also need to send CV to V tomorrow. But I think it is more the latter as CV is already prepared and I am sure that I want a 4 days work. So, the chance of getting it is slim. So, stay put.
I think the stress is also due to memorising work for Isha kriya and then the sathsang as teacher will be coming, earlier starting time and new hall.
Just now when I saw the cards, karma 6, settling down of rship. I tot perhaps that Z has decided to end us. Well, I have given that option, so maybe that could be it.
Father, I felt better now. I have identified my restlessness and I have questioned it. No need to stress myself. Like Sadhguru said, suffering is only in the mind. And when we question it, it evaporates.
As for Z, need not take it personally. I know he won't ignore my calls and I know he is just sleeping cos tomorrow he is travelling.
Father, did my practice today and it was fine. Went for a walk instead of hata as the mat is still bit wet.
Nine of Diamonds
When money does seem to be lost under Nine of Diamonds, keep in mind that this is just the preparation for a new cycle of incoming money. Sometimes we need to spend some money to stimulate more to come in.
(Dec 17 - I spend 25k on renovation and new job with more income is coming in. I will recover the renovation costs in8 months.
Nov 7 Eve
Father, I called him cos I am feeling bit edgy but there was no response. This time I send him a msg.
I am bit disturbed and it could be due to money flowing out or maybe not as I have expected it. Okay, at least my wardrobe and bed is now less 1500 than what I budget which helps to cover for the additional costs required for the bathroom.
I am disturbed cos there is lot of things to do tomorrow. As for the work, I can push ERM to 14 Nov, so I am fine lah. And I also need to send CV to V tomorrow. But I think it is more the latter as CV is already prepared and I am sure that I want a 4 days work. So, the chance of getting it is slim. So, stay put.
I think the stress is also due to memorising work for Isha kriya and then the sathsang as teacher will be coming, earlier starting time and new hall.
Just now when I saw the cards, karma 6, settling down of rship. I tot perhaps that Z has decided to end us. Well, I have given that option, so maybe that could be it.
Father, I felt better now. I have identified my restlessness and I have questioned it. No need to stress myself. Like Sadhguru said, suffering is only in the mind. And when we question it, it evaporates.
As for Z, need not take it personally. I know he won't ignore my calls and I know he is just sleeping cos tomorrow he is travelling.
Settling down with Z (14) - Z's unreachability has nothing to do with me.
Nov 6
Father, did my walk in the public garden. I was awed by the greenness of the surrounding grass lawn. Amazing colours, something I haven't seen before. The walk was quite effortless and in no time I completed the weeklywalk.
Nov 6 Eve
Father, I just called Isha meditators and I enjoyed doing it. I feel light.
I wanted to share my feeling of happy with Z. But I couldn't reach him. At first, slight negative tot and I tot he is unreachable again and I wanted to msg him. Then I stop myself, do I really need to speak to him, and the answer is nope.
Once I was calm, I remember he said he doesn't keep his phone near him as when he is not working, he wants to be off the phone so that he can becomes unreachable. So, need not take it personally. Perhaps I should be glad that it is so cos when he is with me, he also put his phone on silent and left it on table. The same goes when he is on business. I just realised he got a one track mind.
Just now a negative tot flies thru. U r not important, u r not family, u r not his business, u r not in his priority. True to an extent. Anyway, he is not my first.
South Node in Scorpio
What these people really want is money. They want to accumulate financial resources and material possessions to gain a sense of comfort and stability so they can begin to "really live".
Soul
No wonder, money is so important to me. I must have money. And all these times I tot I don't have enough money yet to live in a nicely renovated master bedroom. And now I know I have. Its true I feel bit uneasy of 'losing" the money to gain the comfort but I will be fine.
And that is why I also have reservation of committing to Z as his financial position is lousy and it is too fearful for me to live without having a pile of money for support, even if I don't use it.
(Dec 17 - true, no wonder I always leave beneath my means. I don't dare to spend as I tot I must have a lot before I can spend)
North Node in Taurus
What these people really want is to merge with someone else's energy and feel mutual empowerment. They are looking for total, permanent commitment. They want a partner whom they can count on to take care of all their material needs, and they will take care of all the partner"s emotional needs (vice versa) - a synergistic relationship that is mutually empowering and completely dependable.
For this to happen, they must first get in touch with their own values. They must become strong within themselves, aware of what they want, tune in to what is real and meaningful for them.
The challenge is to establish their own energy systems and figure out who they are as individuals. As their energy becomes stronger, they will automatically attract mates of similar energy with whom they can form successful partnership.
Soul
But alas, the reservation on money issue has reduced so much as I know that while Z is tight, I am fine and I can support our lifestyle comfortably. I also recognised the diamond in him.
(Dec 17 - we have been together for nearly 1 year and the diamond that I saw in him is still there..it is real.)
Z - South Node in Leo
What they really want is to receive love. Their need to experience the loving energy of others is nearly insatiable. To successfully bring this energy into their lives, they need to first give love by cheering people up - they know how to use the limelight to make others happy.
Soul
No wonder he wants children. Children is easily made happy and will love u.
Z's North Node in Aquarius.
What these people really want is to be in love; to be adored and share "center stage" with someone who returns their passion. To reach this goal, they must learn to go with the flow - to tell the universe what they want and let life bring others who will recognise and adore them. They need to learn to receive love naturally - to be alert to the window of opportunity and respond to those who come in their lives to love them. Spending time with like-minded people, attract lovers who can also be friends and give them the support they need. When they focus on enacting their altruistic dreams, life will send them special people to charge their dreams with romantic energy.
Father, did my walk in the public garden. I was awed by the greenness of the surrounding grass lawn. Amazing colours, something I haven't seen before. The walk was quite effortless and in no time I completed the weeklywalk.
Nov 6 Eve
Father, I just called Isha meditators and I enjoyed doing it. I feel light.
I wanted to share my feeling of happy with Z. But I couldn't reach him. At first, slight negative tot and I tot he is unreachable again and I wanted to msg him. Then I stop myself, do I really need to speak to him, and the answer is nope.
Once I was calm, I remember he said he doesn't keep his phone near him as when he is not working, he wants to be off the phone so that he can becomes unreachable. So, need not take it personally. Perhaps I should be glad that it is so cos when he is with me, he also put his phone on silent and left it on table. The same goes when he is on business. I just realised he got a one track mind.
Just now a negative tot flies thru. U r not important, u r not family, u r not his business, u r not in his priority. True to an extent. Anyway, he is not my first.
South Node in Scorpio
What these people really want is money. They want to accumulate financial resources and material possessions to gain a sense of comfort and stability so they can begin to "really live".
Soul
No wonder, money is so important to me. I must have money. And all these times I tot I don't have enough money yet to live in a nicely renovated master bedroom. And now I know I have. Its true I feel bit uneasy of 'losing" the money to gain the comfort but I will be fine.
And that is why I also have reservation of committing to Z as his financial position is lousy and it is too fearful for me to live without having a pile of money for support, even if I don't use it.
(Dec 17 - true, no wonder I always leave beneath my means. I don't dare to spend as I tot I must have a lot before I can spend)
North Node in Taurus
What these people really want is to merge with someone else's energy and feel mutual empowerment. They are looking for total, permanent commitment. They want a partner whom they can count on to take care of all their material needs, and they will take care of all the partner"s emotional needs (vice versa) - a synergistic relationship that is mutually empowering and completely dependable.
For this to happen, they must first get in touch with their own values. They must become strong within themselves, aware of what they want, tune in to what is real and meaningful for them.
The challenge is to establish their own energy systems and figure out who they are as individuals. As their energy becomes stronger, they will automatically attract mates of similar energy with whom they can form successful partnership.
Soul
But alas, the reservation on money issue has reduced so much as I know that while Z is tight, I am fine and I can support our lifestyle comfortably. I also recognised the diamond in him.
(Dec 17 - we have been together for nearly 1 year and the diamond that I saw in him is still there..it is real.)
Z - South Node in Leo
What they really want is to receive love. Their need to experience the loving energy of others is nearly insatiable. To successfully bring this energy into their lives, they need to first give love by cheering people up - they know how to use the limelight to make others happy.
Soul
No wonder he wants children. Children is easily made happy and will love u.
Z's North Node in Aquarius.
What these people really want is to be in love; to be adored and share "center stage" with someone who returns their passion. To reach this goal, they must learn to go with the flow - to tell the universe what they want and let life bring others who will recognise and adore them. They need to learn to receive love naturally - to be alert to the window of opportunity and respond to those who come in their lives to love them. Spending time with like-minded people, attract lovers who can also be friends and give them the support they need. When they focus on enacting their altruistic dreams, life will send them special people to charge their dreams with romantic energy.
Settling down with Z (13)
Nov 5
Father, had a good session with my close friends, B and J. We have a good time. For the past few years, I no longer give advice or dominate, I am just one of them. It feel good and I don't feel drained.
Ruling Pluto Card (my Second karma card)
Nine of Diamonds
You will be confronted with financial outlays of one kind or another and these may truly tax your sense of prosperity and financial well being. You will have to let go of some money.
The only attitude that will help u retain peace of mind is that letting go and having faith u will be provided for by the universe.
Soul
Yea, I have recently spend 10k on laser surgery for my eyes. And then car air cond broke down, another 1.2k and now renovation and furnishing at 20k.
Anyway, what I realised is that I am fine spending values on my body, but not find spending it externally. What I spend on my body like food and etc, cannot be seen. Hence I don't really see what I spend on. Ah ha, I just realised I am a sensual person and physical is important to me, but not external.
Tot of Z and at times I brought him up and sometimes I stopped myself. I wonder what he is doing. But I no longer project that he misses me and hence won't give myself false excuse to call him. These days I will call only when I want to, no more thinking that he miss me.
Today swimming was great. For the first time I was able to adjust when the 'fast" guy swim towards me. I just focus on my strokes and did not panic. I am no longer affected by others. I felt such contentment.
Cosmic Love
Soul and Z's composite North node in Pisces
This relationship can help you both learn how to "let go and let God".
Creating a pathway that is in alignment with events as they are unfolding can help both of u to become less judgmental, more flexible and help u surrender to the flow of unconditional love.
Aim for;
Understanding and forgiveness;
Trusting that a Higher Power is in charge;
Experiencing joy and bliss;
Letting other people be themselves;
Accepting that which u cannot change.
Soul
Yeap, all my 3 challenge cards are being activated.
1. Seven of Heart - unconditional love
2. Seven of Clubs - understanding
3. Seven of Spades - trust and faith.
Composite chart
11th house
The key to maximising the potential in this partnership is to recognise and remain aware that it offers the special opportunity to experience the joys and benefits of a relationship with someone who can also be ur best friend.
U create plenty of energy to work together towards humanitarian goals.
The shared dreams of benefiting others energizes u both.
If a conflict should arise, the best approach would be:
Treat the other person as an equal and ask for their input as a friend.
Brainstorm with them in order to see the situation more objectively.
Be interested in what is best for them, encourage them in realising their own life dreams.
Soul
Amen. I know I can do it for Z. But I am not sure if Z can do for me.
Father, had a good session with my close friends, B and J. We have a good time. For the past few years, I no longer give advice or dominate, I am just one of them. It feel good and I don't feel drained.
Ruling Pluto Card (my Second karma card)
Nine of Diamonds
You will be confronted with financial outlays of one kind or another and these may truly tax your sense of prosperity and financial well being. You will have to let go of some money.
The only attitude that will help u retain peace of mind is that letting go and having faith u will be provided for by the universe.
Soul
Yea, I have recently spend 10k on laser surgery for my eyes. And then car air cond broke down, another 1.2k and now renovation and furnishing at 20k.
Anyway, what I realised is that I am fine spending values on my body, but not find spending it externally. What I spend on my body like food and etc, cannot be seen. Hence I don't really see what I spend on. Ah ha, I just realised I am a sensual person and physical is important to me, but not external.
Tot of Z and at times I brought him up and sometimes I stopped myself. I wonder what he is doing. But I no longer project that he misses me and hence won't give myself false excuse to call him. These days I will call only when I want to, no more thinking that he miss me.
Today swimming was great. For the first time I was able to adjust when the 'fast" guy swim towards me. I just focus on my strokes and did not panic. I am no longer affected by others. I felt such contentment.
Cosmic Love
Soul and Z's composite North node in Pisces
This relationship can help you both learn how to "let go and let God".
Creating a pathway that is in alignment with events as they are unfolding can help both of u to become less judgmental, more flexible and help u surrender to the flow of unconditional love.
Aim for;
Understanding and forgiveness;
Trusting that a Higher Power is in charge;
Experiencing joy and bliss;
Letting other people be themselves;
Accepting that which u cannot change.
Soul
Yeap, all my 3 challenge cards are being activated.
1. Seven of Heart - unconditional love
2. Seven of Clubs - understanding
3. Seven of Spades - trust and faith.
Composite chart
11th house
The key to maximising the potential in this partnership is to recognise and remain aware that it offers the special opportunity to experience the joys and benefits of a relationship with someone who can also be ur best friend.
U create plenty of energy to work together towards humanitarian goals.
The shared dreams of benefiting others energizes u both.
If a conflict should arise, the best approach would be:
Treat the other person as an equal and ask for their input as a friend.
Brainstorm with them in order to see the situation more objectively.
Be interested in what is best for them, encourage them in realising their own life dreams.
Soul
Amen. I know I can do it for Z. But I am not sure if Z can do for me.
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