Expressing myself

Oct 18
Father, I would need about 15k for my room and I have the money to do it.

(Dec 8, now it becomes 25k with the bathroom)

North Node in Taurus
They have the gift of being very effective in crisis situation and they have a natural affinity with psychology.
However, if they involve themselves in profession that focus on psychology or crisis mgm, they are generally not satisfied and end up feeling empty.

Soul
Exactly how I feel. I know I have the talents but somehow it is draining for me and I knew I didn't want to pursue it.

NN in Taurus
Their best bet is to "do their own thing"; either manage their own project, or business or work for a company where they can feel autonomous.

Soul
Yea, its time.
Somehow in my life, I always wants to be No.1. And for years, after being knocked, I accepted that I have to behave like No.2 or 3 cos I don't have No.1 position. And yet I was afraid to pursue No.1 because of fear of price to pay.
Alas, now I found my writing which I like and it is effortless. Only thing I don't quite like is editing and looking for pix and uploading.

NN in Taurus
They should use their talents to establish something of tangible value, which gives them a sense of increased stability.

Soul
I must learn to be patient. Let me build my base. Strengthen my website and wait for H to join me.

NN in Taurus
To win I need to proceed slowly and persistently, step by step.
When I live by my own values, I feel good about myself
Mother Nature supplies me with the energy I need
When I satisfied my own needs and the expressed needs of others, I build a stable base for relationships.
If I am comfortable, I am 'on path'
What others think of me is none of my business.


Oct 18 Aft
Father, I am opening up alas. I just informed boss of my website. I am no longer afraid. I am representative of me.

Both Isha and Z helped me to regain my power. In the end before I can be successful I must be able to open up to let people know about my website. Earlier I was afraid but now I am not.

This morning C noticed my short response and asked me what's wrong. I told her I play a supportive role and if I don't have strong objection, I just said Ok and follow. She replied with a nice msg that I am the teacher and hence can't be a follower. But I am not shaken by it. I no longer need to be in validation mode.


Oct 18 Eve
Father, there were absolutely no remnants of past feelings for A. I was comfortably asking him question about his marriage and his plan for babies. I wish him well and I am glad he found Ar.

Father, I notice I am more assertive. Today I said "bloody hell" a couple of times as I grow impatient with the service. Not sure if it was Mars period.

ACIM
U r sometimes sad and sometimes angry; who sometimes feel ur just due is not given u, and ur best efforts meet with lack of appreciation and even contempt; give up these foolish tots. There are too small and meaningless to occupy ur holy mind an instant longer. God's Judgement waits for u to set u free. Where can the world hold out to u, regardless of ur judgement of gifts, that u would rather have?