Settling down with Z (10)

Oct 24

Father, I slept around 11 plus. Despite me being slightly miffed by him. I woke up around 3 plus am. Tot of Z, just feel nice. Then woke up at 3.45 am. Did my suria and it was effortless and had a few laugh along the way. Shakti was ok and Shambavi was good. Slept bit in the end and dreamed of Z's trip. But the Z in my dream looks like caucasian.

I am fine with Z. Not upset with him and just looking forward to our trip. Actually I was more miffed about him forgetting his plan and also him saying he will meet me there. Now I tot hey, wait a minute. I told him that I told mom that I be going to stay with a friend. So, naturally I should be driving. So, I should not be reacting.

At first, I wanted to make him 'suffer' bit. But then I tot perhaps he isn't bothered. For me. I can accept if he thinks I am a nut case. He has told me a couple of times before cos I wake up early for meditation.

Father, we chatted for one and half hour yday. As usual, he said he felt a vibration. And we had our micro 'fight'. I am happy that I am able to share my feeling. I am no longer afraid of showing up.

Suddenly it occur to me that he must like me if he stays with me despite me being a nut case. Also, I felt freed. That's mean I can do anything I want, no restriction.

Father, I love him. I don't know what's up in future. But sitting here right now, I just feel contented.