Body asserting itself (3)

Nov 23 Eve

I came back and had a 2 hour nap and then put clothes for washing.

Father, I didn't have proper dinner. I had some puff and tea. I am surprised I like the tea. My stomach still cannot take in too much food.

Father, here P and C have changed their food intake. I have been resisting all these while. I was even proud of the fact that I can eat all the food I want. I enjoy food but I am beginning to feel that food may not be love.

I used to need work to validate me, to make me feel good. I need good food to make me feel good and loved. But now I don't have the enthusiasm and food no longer making me feel loved.
Father, at times my body don't feel like eating but the mind is resisting and saying that I am losing it. How can I lose my pride and joy? How can I lose food? Good food is me. If I don't have good food, then who is me. I would have lost me. I wonder if I would lost the happiness.
But now I am not as sure. I don't really need food to be happy. Saying no to food is really like saying no to myself.

Father, I am afraid of losing my love for food. I am afraid I lost it. If I lost it, then what means can I love myself. I am afraid I lost the joy of tasting.

Now I know why for the past few months I have been obsessed with ensuring I got my fix. I keep on driving to ensure I get everything, making sure I eat chili. But now I am filled up to the brim, I cannot put in anymore. Even if it taste good, my body is rejecting it.
I have been on a eating spree for the past few months. I guess that my defense mechanism.

I am no longer that bothered about food. I found myself at times having difficulty in choosing cos all the same to me.

Father, something here. Good food represents me. Without good food, what else?

I have been resisting on food.