Another Seven of Spades like Z

Nov 19

Father, I miss Z and I wanted to share with him my happenings. I wish we are together openly and we could have gone out with our friends together. Anyway, that is not to be. I miss him and wanted so speak to him. Maybe tonight as I am still not sure of myself.

Meeing MF today, another Seven of Spades. I was also able to see his reason for leaving the jobs, "cannot earn money". His whole focus is earning money to spend and he has only 5 years left to run around and so he need to have a company that has a product for him to sell. At the end, he is a Salesman.
He also said by age 60, he can no longer be active and wants to do a retirement mode of having a chalet to run, something no brainer.

He looks quite haggard as he cannot sleep and is losing hair. He now on medication and have to drink wine to dull himself to sleep or he has to do 2 hours of workout to get himself exhausted. But at times, even at exhaustion stage, he still cannot sleep.
I asked him to do Isha Kriya. He is desperate enough to try.

He is similar to Z. When I told him that he is lucky as he is married to a wife who doesn't mind him being away. He said she know her priority as she too like to spend and hence need him to earn and don't mind that he is always not around.
He told me he cannot imagine if one day he and his wife is together.

He told me he loves shower, just like Z. He told me when he is working, he takes 2 shower and if he is not working, he takes 3 showers. He especially likes rain shower and he wants the water warm and 'hit' on his head. It relieves him and for a moment he stops thinking. He likes physical activity. He likes spa. All these give him instant relaxation.

In my mind I tot of Z. Like Z, he also think m lazy bum. The truth is I don't like to earn, so I don't spend. For him, he likes to earn, he need to do something. He cannot sit still.

Just now meeting, I can see my ire comes up. As usual, defense mechanism, once faced perceived criticism, I wanted to run away and do rejection. Anyway, I didn't let it go to tilt and I handle myself. I can see my defense building and I let it just sizzled a bit and didn't really acted on it. After a while, it moves away.