Opening myself up to change

Nov 3
Father, slept today after hata. I was tired. During shakti and shambavi, I went into deep silence and my body was very flexible.

This morning I have less fear on the new prospective job (V's potential offer). I know career is not on my Top 5 cos that's because my current job doesn't provide me any satisfaction except for the 1 day off. Mmm, suddenly tot of what the article said; if u don't like what u r doing, u look forward towards lunch and off days, which is what I am doing.

(Dec 17 - this is a good reminder of why I had to go. Like I told V, the only thing holding me back was the pride of owning a 4 days work week.)

Internal influence - Understanding
Just drop clinging to this cage, move out of the cage and the whole sky is yours. Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
In the inner sky, in the inner world, freedom is the highest value - everything else is secondary, even blissfulness, ecstasy. There are thousands of flowers, uncountable, but they all become possible in the climate of freedom.
It can makes us feel a little shaky at first. It's fine and natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness.
Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread ur wings and be free.

Soul
I take this to mean the potential offer that V recommends.

SN in Scorpio
SN people's boundaries are too rigid and isolate them from the natural give and take of mutual support necessary for successful relationship. They are learning that partnership means releasing their rigid boundaries and embracing reciprocity on a personal, emotional level.

SN spent many past lives alone, so preoccupied with their own physical survival that they didn't have the opportunity to form relationships.

Figuring out how rships work is essential for this nodal group, because intense sexual and/or financial bonds are their passport to personal growth and aliveness in this lifetime.

Eventhough they tend to lack emotional and psychological sophistication due to past emphasis on physical survival, they do have the potential for psychic attunement and emotional depth that could allow them to find and bond with a Soul Mate.

Subconsciously these people know its possible for them to bond with others on a deep level, but often their beliefs about rships get in the way. For instance, they often think that a committed relationship will be a lot of hard work - which they equate with pain and suffering. The truth is that if they are with the right person, it doesn't feel difficult.

Soul
With Z, we just fell into each other.

SN in Scorpio
They hesitate to interact on a personal level unless the other person initiates. This is because they know they tend to become over-involved in other people's business, which can lead to anger and resistance. With these natives, it seems to be all or nothing.
By being receptive to another's input and remembering that other people have ownership over their own lives, the native can contribute and emotionally connect without violating others's boundaries.

Soul
This used to be old me.

SN in Scorpio
The native is learning to overcome their fear of the emotional process. They tend to feel uncomfortable about getting into those realms because it brings up so much sadness and intense emotion - they would rather avoid it. But if they avoid it, their rship remain superficial, with the other person skirting any deep emotional spaces because the native tries not to go there. Sometimes these natives may even become inappropriately anger to be "short" with a loved one to prevent dealing with deeper level of emotion. The result is that their partner begins to shut down and both people miss the opportunity for mutual vulnerability and nurturing.

Soul
This is still me. I tend to hang up or shut him out whenever we approached subject that is emotional to me.

(Dec 17. I told him that his name card sets the wrong expectation of his work. I asked him not to flash his name card when he met my family members. At first he replied that he won't be meeting my family and hence I need not worry. But then he said I had tot of him meeting my family and I am trying to 'pull him along'. I ignore him. Later in the evening, he brought up the subject and I ignored him again. Actually, it was a good opportunity for both of us to open up. And he did try but I closed it cos I was afraid that he knew I actually tot about it and out of pride, I didn't want to broach it.)

SN in Scorpio
The native tends to choose comfort over what is vital and alive. But without the deep exchange of emotions to help transform each other and the rship, there is no growth and excitement.