Settling down with Z (23) - opening up to us

Dec 1 Eve

Father, shoonya and samyama was great. While I was in samyama, a tot came from the readings of SN in Scorpio. It says that in business matter, we are always open to ideas or different values than ours. We focus on the outcome we want. Key word is being open.

I tot of me with Z. He has asked me a few times if I am open to both marriage and children. At times, I would be irritated and don't want to answer him but he ignore me and insist on my answer and I would just tell him No.

Firstly, I didn't plan for children as I don't want to risk my comfort, I don't want to pay the price of having children and lastly I didn't want him to select me just because I want to bear children.

He is just asking whether I want children as he wants to evaluate me as a candidate.

Why do I need to hold back this matter? I love him and I do want to be with him. Why can't I be open about the matter on children. Why can't I just focus on being with him.

(Dec 27 - I am slowly realising that the focus should be on us, rather than just me or him. I guess that is what it is meant by learning of a soul relationship. I remembered my resistance of contraceptive pills. I am now even open to his suggestion of how to make our sex life even better. Sex is important to both of us and I will be open. Like he said he is not complaining, but he wants to open up my mind. And even on 'sneaking' to his house. The end game is just us. I must give him space to grow at his own level.)