Settling down with Z (24) - opening up to commitment/children

Dec 2

Father, suria was good. My body loves it and I was bubbling with laughter. My feet can close properly as my back has recovered. Still laughing during aum chanting.

Just now I did my general write up for FB and asked for P and K's feedback. When P replied, she also put C on the loop. I felt bit piffed and not so nice tots came in. I felt defensive that now C is the overall Reviewer for all matters. I start to think that she cannot write on her own and yet can give comments. Who is she to be treated as the head. Then I recalled the newsletter and tot that she did great.

Mmm, I guess this is like me in food. I cannot cook but can comment.

But now I don't act on it cos I knew my issue on ownership. I will be working with LK and HH next month and it is timely for me to clean up my issue.

Mmm, I wonder if others have this issue. Maybe theirs is on other things.


Soul mate rship with Z
Once u have receive their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, can continue building with them if ur values or compatible or go out on ur own.

Either way, u will have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a whole new level of energy, self-confidence and determination.

Soul
Tot of Z being my Pluto card and Eight of Spade being Result card. Eight of Spade is talking about determination to succeed.
Yea, I am growing more confident of following my dreams.

Now updating my blog and saw this entry on Sept 30;

South Node in Scorpio
Figuring out how relationship work is essential for this Nodal, because intense sexual and/or financial bonds are their passport to personal growth and aliveness in this lifetime.

Soul
Since Z is my soul mate and it has been sexually intense between us and coupled with his financial troubles - real challenge.

South Node in Scorpio
For instance, they often think that a committed relationship will be a lot of hard work - which they equate with pain and suffering. The truth is that if they are with the right person, it doesn't feel difficult. But if they are caught in their projection, the rship will feel like too much work and they will begin to feel restless and resentful.

Soul
Tot of me thinking of children. It is not that I don't want children, or that I cannot be a good mother; it is because I think children requires commitment; which translate to hard work, pain and suffering. Losing my comfort, not able to retire early. So, to me having children is an even greater commitment than having a spouse. A spouse u can still divorce but children is for life, no way out.

V said it is worth the price. I must think further on this. I am letting what I fear drive me away from Z or even any other partner who wants children.

SN in Scorpio
They have had so many past incarnations where their survival depended on being free to take care of themselves, in this lifetime, they carry the belief; "commitment = being trapped."

Soul
That's what I tot about children - trapped.
And perhaps that's why I have Z. His insistence on having children force me to look at my issue. Whenever he talked about me having children, I ignored him. But still he persist and I get irritated and try to shut him off.

Father, Thank U. I used to lament why Z need to have children but now I realised I need to see why I don't want to have children. The key word is lifetime commitment and I would be trapped.


Dec 2 Eve
Just finished IEO, lesson 1 and in my dreams, I brought Light to people and I am a joy to be with. I also saw Z and our daughter giving me support when I was doing my presentation.

In lesson 2, I saw myself as the Agent of Transformation. I was the applicator.