Not a good day

Nov 19 Eve

Father, it was a good dinner. My friends enjoyed the dinner very much. Today I gave out 400 for my friends and I am fine.

It is funny, just when I released the fear of not having. I have.

Father, what is it that is I am resisting? Why is my joints stiff?

Today I sense some attacking behaviour from Ca. Her response for our display of exuberance was bit off. Ch said she want to tone it down, she wants to take the 'personality" out. She said there are so many people was put off by such display. Guess this is like the IEO lady who said she was freaked out by laughing ladies during sathsang.

The thing is I have gone beyond that. I used to feel bit disturbed that I interrupted others. But I now knew if they r ok, they get my energy. If they can't get, they won't get it. Like S said, it is great that I am expressive as I gave them hope. So, the positive ones will see as me giving them hopes, the negatives ones will see me as being show off or disturbing them. Anyway, I am with Sadhguru. Like he said, as long as I am genuine, I need not bother about others.

ACIM
The teacher of God has taken accepting the Atonement for himself as his only function. What is there, then, he cannot heal? What miracle can be withheld from him.

The progress of the teacher of God may be slow or rapid, depending on whether he recognises the Atonement's inclusiveness, or for a time excludes some problem areas from it.

That forgiveness is healing needs to be understood, if the teacher of God is to make progress.

Soul
Suddenly I cried out and tears fell. I love Z but I don't want to be tied to him. I can't change him. Perhaps this "let go and let God" is about me releasing him.
I am not sure. After the tears, I felt calmer. I don't want to try anymore. Its fighting a losing battle. I am fine without him. It takes 2 hands to clap and sometimes he claps when I initiate but most time doesn't.

I have been postponing the separation.

ACIM
That forgiveness is healing needs to be understood, if the teacher of God is to make progress. Certainly sickness does not appear to be a decision. Nor would anyone actually believe he wants to be sick.

Soul
Father, I am not sure. Let's sleep on this.