Settling down with Z (22)

Dec 1
1. The Issue

Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. It is just to make u more aware. And when u r aware, misery disappears.

Soul
Not sure what is this. Except maybe for food and money issue.
On the money, I am now better in spending. Since I am spending so much on the renovation, I might as well make myself happy by having the rain shower.

On food, I realised I also can have pleasure in sharing. I bought the desserts for them. I hardly ate but I am happy when I see they like it. Father, I have accumulated so much good food, perhaps it is time to let go by sharing.
I am also going to buy a weighing machine.

I shared my issue with M, another Queen of Diamond. He used to spend loads on gadgets and now settle by having some savings. We are at both extreme end.

2. Internal influence
Guilt
This moment! This herenow is forgotten when u start thinking in terms of achieving something. When achieving mind arises, u lose contact with the paradise u r in.
U r absolutely okay as u r, and it is absolutely natural to go astray from time to time. Just learn from it, move on, and use the lesson not to make the same mistake again.

Soul
Only thing is food. I was ok this morning and ok for lunch too. I have gained weight but will be normal after one week.

3. External influence u r aware
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake: a condition of complete simplicity costing not less than everything.

Soul
Not sure but I think its Z. The other day when we talk I told him that I wish he was with me right now. I am no longer afraid to be vulnerable with him.

4. What is needed for resolution
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
Go on cleaning ur mind continuously; go on dying to the past so u remain in the present.


Soul
Still no idea what will happen but for now I just follow the flow. He said he will call me when he is back. I just trust he will do so eventhough he at times doesn't follow through.
I am looking forward to next meetup. I miss him.

5. Resolution
Beyond Illusion
The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness.

Soul
This week meditation is deeper than usual. My joy bubbling out during aum chanting is more frequent. Just now I went in deep during shoonya.

SN in Scorpio
They think they already know everything, so they are not open to others giving them insights that would make their life path easier. This means they are constantly missing opportunities to break free from their limitations.

When these folks ask for advice from people who are successful at what they want to learn, they really enjoy hearing others' ideas and perspectives and they become powerful. It has to do with gaining the benefit of other people's experience and not always having to learn on their own, hard way. Other people are supposed to help them along with fresh ideas and energy.

If they only value what is obtained through their own hard work, they are not open to grace. In the end, only grace can take them beyond their own rigidity. Their job is to have the humility to let go and let grace - through other people - operates in their lives.

Soul
Suddenly tot that perhaps P can help me in my issue with food. I also think C can help me. Also tot of M and the book.