Cosmic Reward from Z - soul mate relationship

Sept 30
Father, I had a scary tot. I knew that in order for Isha M'sia to be strong and independent, we need our own teacher. I know we have V to be hata yoga teacher and we need IE teacher. Perhaps we can have a part time IE teacher. The best candidate was me. I was shocked and too scared to think further. First thing was handling the guru pooja set. Aiyoh, that is fine lah and further more I have already can sing guru pooja.

Father, I am so excited. I told K about my sudden tot of becoming a part time teacher. I told her it was so scary that I had to delete the tot. She said its a great. She then catch on to the idea and tot C and P can do also. I told her, yes and infact I already identified them.

Father, Z is not coming tomorrow. First tot was I was disappointed and then I felt hurt he didn't tell me. Then I realised I interpret it as he doesn't love me. Then I said nope, my lovability is determined by me. How he respond is his own issue. Then I felt better.

The good thing is now I know why he couldn't make it this week. And amazingly my menses came today and I can join him next Friday.

I msg him and he inform me. I also told him I miss him, which he didn't reply.

Father, I love me.

Oh ya, I also realised Z is indirect person. His first response is good, second is no response, third is bad response. Earlier I have mistaken him like me.
He is actually more 'sensitive' than me. No wonder he reacted at being called "arrogant bastard".

Today Card
Nine of Spades
This could be the end of a certain occupation, way of life or way of being with ur health and body. Rest assured that some important aspect of ur life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up, something like mini-death.

We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. It has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.

Soul
True. Even had the scary tot of becoming a partime Isha teacher.

Father, I am updating my blog. Actually Z and I don't have similar interest other than Isha. Even that he is not keen.
I am staying put cos I want him. He excite me. He gave me grief too, but that part is over. He is a good man. Never mind lah, he has given me so much through his own issue. He doesn't want to learn from us, is his problem. Hei, he did recently, by saying no to his offerings. He said it was very difficult. His mantra now is no pain, no gain.

Soul Mate rship with Z.
Once u have received their gift and reclaimed ur ability to merge with another in ways that revitalise and empower u, u can continue building with them - if ur values and goals are compatible or go out on ur own.

Either way u will have gained an awareness of ur ability to do what u truly value in the world and have a whole new level of energy, self-confidence, and determination.

Soul
So true. I have grown so much. I am no longer validated by my job, or the status of the company I am working in. When we lost the main client, I engineer for 3 days work instead. I was also confident enough to ask boss to let go of the company and let the young ones work on it.

I know I want to invest my time in Z. I know I want to grow my book and with Hh's help, we will go far.

As for Z. At the moment, I still want him. But I do know that if he doesn't buck up and put energy into us. It will die a slow death as per the rest of his relationships.

And by then, I am strong and will attract my right partner.


Z is my 8th house - gift of soul mate bonding
Me is in Z's 1st house - gift of independence.
This is a unique situation where as a couple they were learning how to be in a committed relationship without losing their individuality - and their personal astrological charts showed that each of them was challenged with learning this lesson. They had subs consciously attracted each other when they were ready, so they both could master it.

Soul
A great reminder. Actually both Z and I have amour. We both are independent and want to retain it at all costs. Me, didn't go into any rship. He went into it physically and emotionally but was not committed and hence his rships all die off.