Settling down - wants a new space of my own

Oct 6
Father, practice was great today. It has been awhile since I laugh loads during practices. I was even laughing loads during hata. Then the finale, I laugh non-stop. I just feel happy.

Sadhguru
The moment u start experiencing the impressions that u have in ur mind as "myself", u cannot perceive life the way it is. U will only perceive life the way it is necessary for ur survival, not the way it really is.

For human being, life begins only after survival is fulfilled. Meditation gives u an experience, an inner state where what is u and what is yours are separated. There is a little distance, there is a little space between what is u and what u have accumulated.

Benefits of experiencing the distance:
- it brings an absolute clarity of perception.
- it end suffering as u r no longer identified with ur body and mind
- ur karmic bag (ur past or unconscious mind) no longer influence u and then life becomes a huge potential
- u will be in touch with the source of creation within u. Once this happens, Grace happens and life become effortless

Once simply sitting and breathing is such a great pleasure, u will become very genial, flexible, wonderful because all the time u r in a great state within urself. No hangover. Mind becomes sharper than before.

Soul
Amen. When I just sit and close eyes, joy just bubble out instantly. Now with samyama, joy is bubbling out with open eyes.

Alas, now can relate to Osho card - Flowering. When I start this week, I tot how could it be. There are issues with rship, work and Isha.
Then the internal influence card is Stress - ask me to stop struggling and relax and go with the flow and "What to do" Transformation - acceptance and let things unfold.
That's what I did, Isha is unfolding, Z is mellowing and work is going as planned.
And I am feeling happy.
Isha will grow.

Oct 6 Eve
Father, again my regional boss ask me to consider replacing him. I said nope cos I am settling down. He asked whether I am going to get married. I told him nope, I am just settling down to myself, no longer seeking validation from new jobs.

Father, for the first time in my life, I want to do up my bedroom. I wanted to have a nice bedroom.
Mmm, suddenly tot of WC. He can help me to decorate my room. I can spend 10k.

Bedroom set 4k
Bathroom 2k
Bed 3k
Painting 1k

Ya, I can even spend up to 15k. I have abundance of money.
(Dec 3 - now it is up to 25k as bathroom cost me 12k. It has been a difficult journey releasing the money)

Father, just now the practice was great. I was in joyful state throughout. No matter what the outer circumstances, whenever I just close eyes and be with myself, joy just erupt. Later when I was doing samyama, laughter erupt again. This time I had tots of explaining about expressive yogi and silent yogi. I wanted to share our expressive yogi version and for C to share her silent yogi. She and I sat next to each other during Sadhguru sathsang.
Me, expressive yogi couldn't help our expressions. When I stop it, the pressure is overwhelming. Sometimes, I also sing involuntarily, the song just came. But we also feel out of place among the silent yogi. For nearly 2 years I avoided mixing with Isha meditators as I was worried they asked me about my expression. Finally during Sadhguru's sathsang, he said his grandmother loves to laugh and laugh all the times. From there onward I accepted my laughter.

Then I get C to share her silent yogi experience.

Father, looking at boss's difficulty in ending make me realise that the way u feel about ending is dependent on ur attachment to what is ending. For me, since I no longer need validation from new job, even the possible offer to replace regional boss doesn't sound attractive.

Tomorrow meeting Z. I like that. I like snuggling up to him, him kissing me as if he is devouring me.

ACIM
The body's eyes will continue to see differences. But the mind that has let itself be healed will no longer acknowledge them.
No one is where he is by accident, and chance plays no part in God"s plan.

Relationships in particular must be properly perceived, and all dark cornerstones of unforgiveness is removed. Otherwise the old tot system still has a basis for return.

As the teacher of God advances in his training, he learn one lesson with increasing thoroughness. He does not make his own decision. He asks his Teacher for His answer and it is this he follows as his guide in action.
Thus becomes easier and easier, as the teacher of God learns to give up his own judgement.