SN in Scorpio - karmic influence in relationship

Sept 30 Eve
Father, I was reading North Node in Scorpio, I find this so reflective of M, who has same birth date as me. I can't seem to identify with it now. Perhaps, it was me before I embark on opening up all my hidden doors. The only part that I could relate is thus

(Dec 2 - I have now read it once more and I can relate to all of them. They are my karmic influences from past lives. All my hidden consciousness)

North Node in Scorpio
Figuring out how relationship work is essential for this Nodal, because intense sexual and/or financial bonds are their passport to personal growth and aliveness in this lifetime. Even though they tend to lack emotional and psychological sophistication due to past life emphasis on physical survival, they do have the potential for psychic attunement and emotional depth that could allow them to find and bond with a Soul Mate.

That is another reason why accurate discernment regarding others is so important. When these people allow themselves to empathetically "tune in" to the other person - their feelings, desires, what motivates them, their very spirit - then they could find a true Soul Mate. It's rare, but they will know it: "There is something in this person that I really want to bond with. I can feel it". Its like calling.

Subconsciously these people know it's possible for them to bond with others on a deep level, but often their beliefs about relationships get in the way.
For instance, they often think that a committed relationship will be a lot of hard work - which they equate with pain and suffering. The truth is that if they are with the right person, it doesn't feel difficult. But if they are caught in their projection, the rship will feel like too much work and they will begin to feel restless and resentful.

Soul
Yes, that's what I believe about rship. The price to pay is not worth it.
With Z, everything seem easy. Little adjustment and I think we good for each other. Only issue is he doesn't love me and doesn't allow us to grow.

South Node in Scorpio
On one level, these natives tend to prevent deep bonding because they never really pledge themselves, even if they think they do. They may commit to their projection of who the other person is, but not the actual person and the process of mutual growth and development.
Sometimes, this is because the native finds that - on a deeper level - the other person doesn't really excite them and prompt them to grow.

Soul
Mmm, not sure. Of course, up till Z, none of them excited me.

North Node in Scorpio
The natives are learning how to give to the other person and make them feel special. When the other person responds by making the native feel special, then the reciprocity of love and support can begin to flow, bringing revitalising energy to both people. These natives will discover that they actually have a gift for initiating successful Soul Mate relationship - as soon as they start making people more important than their "stuff".

Soul
I know I lacked that. Perhaps I have so little needs that I assumed others are like that. Just like I don't need flowers, doesn't mean others doesn't. I must remember Z is more sensitive than me.

I am self-centred and I was protective of my space. When Z asked for other days, which intrude on my swim. My first tot was nope. Then I stopped and realised that I do want to be with him. Us meeting up is more important than our swim.


North Node in Scorpio
Another part of their lesson is to start making wholehearted commitments in other person or shared projects. If the partnership energises them and broadens their world, they can start making other commitments.
When they invest in partnerships and support others, the positive energy and attention they receive through the natural flow of reciprocity truly does meet their needs, and they feel satisfied. And in this way, by supporting another wholeheartedly

Soul
Well, first was Z and now Isha.
Maybe something there. Finally ending my Ace of Diamond and proceeding with Queen of Diamonds

North node in Scorpio
These natives tend to shy away from becoming involved in the psychology of others and are fairly naïve when it comes to social interaction. Because of so many lifetimes keeping their own counsel, they often project that others also want the privacy of strict self containment. So, they don't "intrude" on others by asking personal questions. They think that if they do ask about personal things, the other person will get upset. But what really happens is that if someone has negativity about a situation that they have not yet resolved, they may feel uncomfortable when they talked about it. The native interprets this as a signal not to approach that topic, when in fact, the other person may feel relieved that someone cares enough to ask them about it.

Soul
True. I don't intrude on personal talks. I don't ask people about their personal matters. I use to shy away whenever I see sadness. But I am fine now.

North Node in Scorpio
The native is learning to overcome their fear of the emotional process. They tend to feel uncomfortable about getting into those realms because it brings up so much sadness and intense emotion - they would rather avoid it.
But if they do, their rships remain superficial, with the other person skirting any deep emotional spaces because the native tries not to go there. Sometimes these natives may even be inappropriately angry or be "short" with a loved one to prevent dealing with deeper levels of emotion. The result is that their partner begins to shut down and both people miss the opportunity for mutual vulnerability and nurturing.

Soul
I was there and I was angry at him for making me go there. I shut him out. He tried to get me to talk but I couldn't. I hang up on him and I later walk out on him. While we did have 'conversation" but we avoided the emotion. Father, I avoid emotion and he also.
Father, I love him but I can't tell him. Firstly, because I am not sure if he want to know. I wonder if he would break up if he knew. Secondly, I am not sure I have the right to love him when we r supposed to be on a fling, albeit it is nearly 7 months, with a 2 months break in between. So, I guess we got a superficial relationship.


North Node in Scorpio
Until the native become aware, the native tends to choose comfort over what is vital and alive. But without the deep exchange of emotions to help transform each other and the relationship, there's no growth and excitement.
It is only by being willing to explore together deep, unresolved feelings from the past that the intense emotional exchange necessary for true healing can occur. Through such interactions, natives can gain the emotional richness that has been missing in their lives.
It can also adds a whole new level of depth and intimacy to the rship and the resulting bond of love creates energy and joy for both people.

Soul
I wanted open communication with my partner. I want to be able to share my deepest feeling. That's what Z and I did in the beginning before we start. And Z helped me to heal my childhood issue. To Z, that part we need to get it out of the way. But to me, it is on-going but I knew he is not keen. We both seldom talk about how we feel. I miss it.
However, recently it was him that faced a dilemma and I helped him through it.

North Node in Scorpio
When the native experiences mutual attraction with someone whose world is broader and whose energy inspires the native to step into their world and support them - then the rship works.
Even when the Scorpio founds a partner who attracts them in this way, they may still hesitate to make a commitment. They have had so many past incarnations where their survival depended on being free to take care of themselves, in this lifetime, they carry the belief; "commitment = being trapped."
This unconscious fear is a catch-22; it blocks intimacy and prevents the native from getting close enough to another to make the agreements that would allow them to feel safe in making a commitment. Also, due, to all their past lives relying on their own efforts, these people tend to assume that if they link with another, it will still be all up to them.
They want their life to be fun and exciting, but they hold the belief that a committed rship will be "a lot of hard work".

They are learning that this is only true when they try to pressure their partner into meeting THEIR needs, THEIR way.

But when they link with another, with the intention of expanding beyond their current limit, it generates so much vitality that the union doesn't feel like hard work.

Soul
True. At least with Z.

North Node in Scorpio
Because they are so afraid of losing their self-reliance, these natives are conflicted.
Their heart longs for a committed bond, while unconsciously they may be holding on to their sense of independent self-sufficiency.
Part of them think they can create what they want on their own, but in this lifetime, true satisfaction depends on finding a special partner with whom to build the supportive, emotionally renewing experience they long for.

Soul
True.

North Node in Scorpio
Timing can be another issue for these natives, because they tend to make decisions and take actions at a slower pace than others. And if they feel someone is trying to force them to move quickly, they can become very stubborn.
But by the time a Scorpio NN person decides they do want to commit to someone, they may find they have missed their chance.

Soul
Yeap. And Z even informed me that if I had called him a day later, he would have moved on. He said I am giving him headache, going nowhere.

North Node in Scorpio
They were so focused on their own timing that they ignored the readiness of the other person.

Soul
I missed it again that day. For the first time, Z asked me to extend our meet up and I hesitated. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes but I keep silent. But he didn't pursue and I tot he was not so serious. Alas, I missed my boat. To me, if he wanted us to stay, he should have be more insistent. Alas, now that I read his card, he only ask once and when there is no response, he stopped completely.

North Node in Scorpio
To prevent this, they are learning to drop their resistance and be aware of the opportunity inherent in their partner's timing.
Its only by going beyond their own comfort level that they are scheduled to grow in this lifetime.

Soul
Yes. The other day, I said nope cos Thursday I am not free. Later, I release Friday too.