Uncertainty spins the mind (2)

Oct 3 Aft
Father, I am feeling overwhelmed. A few things shaking up at same time;
1. My relationship with Z
2. Isha
3. Work

Father, let me not be like boss, holding on out of fear.

1. The Issue
Flowering
Zen want us to live in totality, living in abundance, living intensely, overflowing

Ur life should reach to others. Ur blissfulness, ur benediction, ur ecstasy should no be contained within u like a seed. It should open like a flower and spread its fragrance to all and sundry - not only to the friends but to the strangers too.

Soul
Father, I admit I have reached a certain flowering. I now look like a woman instead of gal. I declared my love for Z without fear. I stake my neck out for Isha. As for work, things bit muddle. By tomorrow it will be fine.


2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Stress
All private goals are neurotic. The essential man comes to know, to feel, "I am not separate from the whole, and there is no need to seek and search for any destiny on my own.
Things are happening, the world is moving - call it God ..He is doing things on its own accord.
I need not struggle nor fight. I can relax and be.

Soul
I know I am feeling bit edgy and overwhelmed. But it is understandable under these conditions.
And followed by sathsang and hata this weekend. Perhaps I should postpone Z.
Father, I leave it to U.

3. External influence of which u r aware
Awareness
Mind can never be intelligent - only no-mind is intelligent. Only no-mind is original and radical.

The mind gives u sort of stupor. Burdened by the memories of the past, burdened by the projections of the future, u go on living - at the minimum. U don't live at the maximum. Your flame remains very dim.

Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without smoke. That is what awareness is.

A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help u to become detached, and a new awareness will lift the veil from ur eyes.

Soul
Yeap, just be in the now and connect with my Source.
I was surprised that I got no reaction on teacher's email that we focused on IE online.
To me, its not within my control and I need not take it personally.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Transformation
Zen is for those daring souls who can drop all belief, unbelief, doubt, reason, mind and simply enter into their pure existence without boundaries. But it brings a tremendous transformation.
Zen can only be understood by ur loving heart.

This is a time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity". Its very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha when, after years of seeking, he finally give up.

Soul
I am facing difficulty in Isha, in work and with Z. Surprisingly, I am not as affected as previously.
I know Isha is not up to me alone. I know Z is not up to me alone. I know work is not up to me alone.
Mmm, I finally don't take it personally, thinking its up to me only. And hence it doesn't feel like a burden. Even if I don't decide, someone else can do it.
Even in rship with Z, both of us will discuss and decide. Not just me.

5. Resolution
Morality
Queen of Clouds lurk in the minds of all of us who have been brought up with rigid idea of good and bad, sinful or virtuous, acceptable and unacceptable, moral and immoral.
All these judgements of the mind are just products of our conditioning. And whether our judgements are applied to ourselves or to others, they keep us from experiencing the beauty and godliness that lies within. Only when we break through the cage of our conditioning and reach the truth of our own hearts, can we begin to see life as it really is.

Soul
Power is not 100% responsibility. Knowledge is not 100% responsibility. I need not carry the weight of responsibility.
I am not the Head, I am not alone.

Oct 3 Eve
North Node in Taurus
They tend to feel safer when they discount their own comfort and ignore their boundaries. It may even feel very frightening for them to remain aware of their comfort zone and stay within it, but it is through that process that growth can occur. And in this lifetime, it is an absolute necessity if the rships are to succeed. So, if they feel uncertain in a situation, they need to slow down, take a deep breath, and wait until they know if they are comfortable with the timing and level of reciprocity that is unfolding.

Successful, healthy relationship require a lot of feedback, vigilance and constant mutual adjustment.
One person doesn't just adapt to the other - both must reveal their needs for true bonding to occur.