Cosmic Lesson (39) abandonment is here to stay...but I need not let it run my life

Apr 18

He is feeling guilty. He knows he is having an excellent deal with me and now try to find reason why it can also be excellent for me. He is having the best time and also great energy transfer from me. He do know I m not having both.
He knows I won't let it continue just like that.
Yeah, the part I like best is the hugging after our intimate moments, the sleeping together. This means I want someone I can be with, not someone periodic.
So, it will be now till end June. That 2.3 mths to go.

(May 24 - actually he really cares for me and he wants to find out so i be fine)

Now I know why its a year of relationships ending for him. And now he knows about him draining my energy, he would need more justification for me to continue.

Father, am I preparing my run! am I afraid of abandonment! Or I am afraid of abandoning him!

Aiyah, our rship is blossoming. We have grown closer and we can even debate and agree to disagree. We slept well together. We r comfortable with hugging each others for hours. So, just let it be. I don't know how it will unfold. I just know that we want each other.

Osho - Lao Tzu
The way of love is to be, no other doing is needed. Just be; calm and collected, just be. Let ur eyes be full of tears, let ur heart be full of passion - but wait. Be aflame - but wait. There is no need to go anywhere, there is nothing to be done - just being.

Soul
I heard the msg. Just let my rship with Z grow. Its ok if we both become aflame. Both Z and I can't project what's going to happen. I wanted to run because he is so fixed and I don't fit into his plan. I judged him that even if he really likes me, he won't change his plan. His plan comes before his feeling. I tot this is a losing battle, might as well ends it while I am still alive, while I am not aflame yet. The fact is he didn't wanted to start with me as he doesn't think I fit him, but we started. So, both of us cannot predict the outcome. Just be here now and let it be.

Osho
One starts living when one does not know how to live; as the white gull, ignorant of how to fly, does not try nor worry whence and where and to what end it lives and flies and dies.

On the path of love, knowledge is not needed, but a state of innocence.

Soul
I got the msg. Forget about strategising. Just go with the flow and see where it will brings us.