Our first fight

Apr 5 Eve

Father, tots of abandonment came in. Tot it is over already. Tot he would ignore me during sathsang.

Then an alternative came in. He just called u twice yesterday. Just because he didn't reply ur msg today, u think he has abandon u. Is that being rationale??

Remember, he has times and times again forgot to reply ur call and msg as he was bz with work and was also sick.
So??

At 8.45 pm, I was about to call him and coincidentally he called me.

He was so excited that he wanted us to get together for the night at his house since his mother is away. He told me he got the news and tot of me at 6 pm but couldn't get to me as he just finished his meeting. At first I tot he was kidding. But he is really serious. Anyway, I told him no and I am glad that he consider having the rendevouz.

Fifteen minutes later I called him and we discussed but its no in the end. We agreed for next week. And he said he is happy that at least I consider making the trip.

We were arguing bit and I told him that I was willing to risk query from my mom and he is not willing to risk with his mom. And my risk is even bigger than his, basically he doesn't want care for me as much as I do for him. He counter that he has not brought anyone to his house and the fact he consider me is because I am special to him. He really wanted to show me his house. I told him off, that its like 'cornering' me into going his place.

Anyway I calmed down and told him that I know he is caring and I know he cares for me. I said that he is not caring in the typical way of being responsive in communication or touchy feely but he cares how people view me, he cares for me when we r intimate, he put me first rather than his own need. That is something very few guys would do. His cares is in substance and not form.

He told me he doesn't care to do 'drama' and he only do things because he wanted to, and not for show. And he is happy that I see him as he is

Father, that exactly what I told him. I said I won't pamper him. Even intimate moments, I do because I enjoy and wanted it, and not because I am making him happy.

I am glad that both of us are ourselves in this relationship.

He has disclosed that sex is an expression of closeness to him and he cannot do sex for sex sake. He is a traditional man, he is a good man. So, alas he does really like me.

We ended by agreeing to our next meetup. Looks like between now and then, he may not consider me. But that doesn't mean he doesn't care cos he does. Amen.

Osho
The more one practices fearlessness, the more healthy one's navel will become; and the more one practice courage, the more one's navel center will develop. The more fearlessness grows, the stronger and healthier the navel will be - and the deeper ones contact with life.