Cosmic Reward (18) - positive view

Mar 31 eve

Father, I love myself. Knowing that Z is an arrogant bastard, I lift myself from the abandonment mode. His lack of response is him and is not a reflection of me.

Tot of his wife, definitely a feeler that she didn't want the child maintenance support. She didn't want to have anything to do with him. That's means she felt 'small' with him. A tot came to me that she didn't want to take care of children and etc. I think its because Z criticised her and make her feel inadequate and unloved. If she doesn't really care for the children, she wouldn't have taken them. I emphatised with her. Like I always said if the woman walked out with the children in tow, she has lots of courage and deserved only my admiration.

Also tot of when Z found out about her lover. Z was calm about it. That would have made his wife tot he didn't love her, cos otherwise he would have kicked a fuss.

A tot came to me. I think she must have really loved Z and I think she waited 2 years for children because she is not sure of Z's love for her. She fell in love with Z for his strength. She fall out because of his strength. But in the end she did gain as it took strength for her to walk out.

Who knows, I am supposed to guide Z on his unconscious mode in emotional relationship and he guide me in physical relationship. Amen.