Cosmic Reward (39) - Z is more focused than me

May 5 Eve

My lover, Myself
Tell ur stories in a safe environment
Tell of ur childhood innocence, the false bravado or painful shyness of adolescence. Tell each other what it was like when u had to face the world as an uncertain young adult. Speak of ur lies and deceits and of ur noblest deeds as well.
Storytelling is no less than a sharing of Self, something all companions do.

Soul
Great. I am on the right track. I always want to tell. Of course, in my case I tell first or perhaps too early. I want them to know upfront. Z and I shared many story telling.
I recalled he said we have cleared all our internals (breaking down all my internal doors) and we can now proceed with external. Perhaps because we spent time clearing our doors, sharing our intimate tots, we become physically intimate effortlessly.

My lover, Myself
Face ur shadows with courage
The process of knowing the other fails unless and until we face the question of self knowledge and come to know the true self. What keeps us from telling and rewriting our stories is the shadows they left in us. The demons of rage, grief, fear and shame can be tamed. They r the voices telling u that u r unlovable and unworthy of love. U created them, paradoxically out of love and moral purity in childhood, as a way of explaining to urself why u were betrayed by ur parents or other important adults. Now these Shadows only harm u. Only u can get them to stop.

Soul
Yeap, my karma. Well, its all in my mind. I stop projecting it out to future.

My lover, Myself
Keep a journal of personal responsibility - Bin
There have probably been times when u have said or tot, "We are so different.". But what on earth did u expect? If u want a relationship without difference, try cloning.
If u want intimacy and "grow up" through learning, anticipate differences and value it.
Coming away from such encounter with an agreement to name the difference and put it in the Bin is a way of getting enough distance to develop the skill of collaborating rather than fighting over differences.

6. Know ur behavioural profile


Soul
This morning he said 8 to 9 pm. But now is 10 pm. Actually he knew that if he told me 10 pm, I would have said no.
But he really want to spend time with me. And so do I, but at times its me, must have things in the way or form I want.

So, actually he wants me more than I want him. He goes all the way to be with me. I am the one who put road blocks. I remember the time he wanted to come to my house, around 11 pm and I told him no and laughed it off. Then the time he wanted me to go to his house, I tried but in the end ego overrides.
Aiyah, he is more committed than me. When he postpone our dates is because he truly cannot make it due to his finance, business and studies.

For myself, I don't like to be inconvenienced. I like things the way I want them to be, presented on a silver platter. If the form is not right, I will reject. I didn't look at substance.


My lover, Myself.
Happiness and well-being are not found in memorable events or in great successes, power or money. They are found in mind states that are completely under our control, states which we can learn to call forth at will.

Learning how to live and be well is not a luxury. It is a necessity and a responsibility. Learn to live well before u die.

People who experience joy and pleasure know how to live in the present moment and to take pleasure in the moment.

The key ingredient to well being is, above all, in ur tots, rather than just in ur genes, ur diet or ur exercise program.

Remember how to feel real joy, the kind of joy which came so easily to u as a child.


Soul
Its after midnite and he still has not arrived. I am amazed at his tenacity. I would have given up. He didn't. Father, I admit he is a more fine a person compared to me. He is willing to share himself. Whereas I resist. That's also the reason why I am not keen on children. I am not willing to share my time and space with others. No wonder my Ruling of Ace of Diamond. Anyway, that's my old karma.

Suddenly tot of my Jack of Heart, Christ card. Me sacrificing for a younger person. His card is Six of Heart. Settlement. Well, that's true I am settling on him.