Apr 18 Eve
Father, today the place is energetic and my head was spinning non stop. Sadhguru talk about how karma is created, from our likes and dislikes.
Tot of my perception on abandonment. Anytime anyone, and especially my partner doesn't respond to my messages or gestures, I would immediately take it as personal rejection. Even until today.
Well, no more. I would not increase the imprint.
Firstly, I would not allow my abandonment issue to prevent me from becoming my loving self.
Secondly, I would not perceive non response as a personal rejection.
This afternoon I messaged Z but till now got no reply. Now I would interpret is as being tired, focused on his work. I would not take it as rejection especially since we already plan our date for this Thursday.
Tot of Z always 'cornering' me, putting me on a spot. He does have a tendency to do that. I noticed he only controlled it whenever he wants to bed me. He knew my reaction will not be good if he try to 'corner' me and he would not get an intimate response from me. For a moment, de ja vu. Just now I washed the plates again as tot of him came to my mind. Then I tot of brother always telling me I am not good enough. I was resentful of him especially since he is no doer. For Z, I gave him credit as he is a true work horse.
Osho
The inner conflict between the different tots in ur mind is killing u. All ur tots are irrelevant and contradictory, in opposition to each other.
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