Cosmic Reward (28) - abandonment no longer rules me

Apr 29

Just did shoonya. My mind searching for tots on Z. What I decide is that I just be. When we meet, we will meet. Let's face it Z has no staff and is now a super salesman. He need to be on his survival mode now. Like he said he spent 95 percent on biz.
But m glad to hear that his prioritisation is 40 percent on biz, 40 percent on inner. Will see. Meanwhile for me, is just to be.

(May 25 - No money and no time, but still he is on track on me.)

My lover, myself
To have lasting and deepening intimacy over a lifetime, we must not shy away from the pain of our initial disappointments but instead dig out what it was that gave birth to the heroes we and our partners expect each other to be.

Until we do, that primal sense of unlovability and shame, of falling short, will arise again and again. And as long as we expect our partners to rescue the forgotten child within us, they too can't help but fall short. Neither of u is meaning to withhold the needed love. Each of u have ur own story written long ago. It is the child in u who must come to terms with her own pain and learn how to love herself.

Soul
Yea. Like now, I think I may have fallen for Z. Mind is screaming. And especially since we have not been intimate for nearly 3 weeks, it has even more tots. But I don't want to go there. I don't want to take this personally.

What I want in a partner is someone to take care of me physically and sometimes emotionally. What a paradox, I used to want a long distant rship. But now I don't. I want someone that is here. But the thing is Z is unreachable. And he now needs to focus on his biz and study.
Me, what about me. Well, today without notebook.