Cosmic Lesson (56) - To complete the course

May 7 Aft

Just did the sathsang meditation. I felt totally refreshed and born anew. All my past is gone.

And I know I will continue with Z. When Z described about him taking care of his wife during delivery and also of his plan of giving me financial support since I am one person closest to him. He also said that he wanted to travel and then spent time in the Ashram on intervals I saw him as fulfilling what I want.

I got afraid that I can't have him and so its best that I leave him first. So, its the case of if I cannot buy him, don't see.
I also like the part whereby I snuggle on top of him. Its such a nice feeling and I like it a lot and so does he. I also grow to like his kisses.

So, I will finish the course. I don't expect to change him or for him to love me but what I want is to change myself. I no longer wants fear to rule my life.

I am fine that I told him cos at least he know the challenges I faced to be with him.

I send him a msg and he has not responded. The mind is working and said that he wanted to exit already since I told him that I plan to exit by end June. Next tot if he really want to exit, so be it, his loss not mine. Or he doesn't want to respond so we have less emotion. Then a tot came, he helped me to carry my bag and gave me a goodbye kiss yday and we talked during the yoga session.
So, net net I don't know.

Father, what I know is abandonment issue still do trigger. But m more aware now. And this is why I wanted out. Well, I have rewritten mySelf. This is my spring time. I will finish my course and Z is now my friend. Like he said we r close already. He shared with me everything.

Evening
I met him and we r fine.


Earth signs
Being pragmatic, u don't usually take chances with ur time, money, energy or ur feelings. U tend to be dependable, although folks in the fast lane may find u a bit conservative and dull
If u become bored or depressed, u should realise that ur values are misplaced and that ur sense of security is false. If u r not happy, change ur status quo and embrace the unknown. When paralysed by fears and inhibition, breathe deeply and move slowly and deliberately towards what u want.

Soul
Yeap I know. I am afraid. But I know I want Z.

Mars in Libra
U r strong, daring and possess healthy sexual appetites. U spur ur partner to reach new levels of stimulation. Develop ur stamina.
Spicy food perks u up. U urself are a spicy dish who can churn the hot love juice of another.

Ur physical and psychological conditions are intertwined. When the chemistry is right, u r superhuman and unstoppable. U have strong desires and physical needs and a fearless persistence and determination to get what u want. U r motivated by satisfaction.

U experience very powerful and passionate energies. Sexual energy exchanges will transform u, ur life and lifestyle. U r motivated by passion and deep commitment to people and causes.

Soul
That's why I am completing my course as I know I need to open the physical door.