Apr 26
Father, did my practice and it was fine. But when I just lied down there, I slept and had a dream about LK and we going for breakfast.
Had tots of Z. I always had negative interpretation of his action. Him always asking me about why I like him irritates me because it is fishing for my commitment, which he doesn't want. Previously I tot it was because to gauge my likeability factor for him so he can cool off our rship if required.
Osho
1. Issue
Adventure.
Insecurity is the only way to grow, to face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow.
When we r truly in a spirit of adventure, we r moving just like this child. Full of trust, out of the darkness of the forest into the rainbow of the light, we go step by step, drawn by our sense of wonder into the unknown.
Soul
I know I am now facing an adventure with Z. I don't know where it will head, when it will end, if it will end. Earlier I tot to stop it. But I know I am to walk further and to open up my heart to him.
Open my heart even if he doesn't want it. Give him my commitment even when he didn't want it from me.
But I will undertake this adventure. At least the candidate is the right one.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Moment to moment
The past is no more and the future is not yet.
A man who wants to be present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate. Experience will come, but experience has not to be premeditated.
Life is a great ocean in which u can play if u drop all ur judgements, ur preferences and the attachment to the details of ur long term plans.
Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself, have a good laugh and carry on.
Soul
Yea, we started as sex buddy and then turned into companion. Maybe we can be a couple too. If I don't commit, it cannot happen. But if I commit, it may happen. And this is my Top 5.
3. External influence of which u r aware
Mind
This cloud has to be dropped. And it is just with ur decision to drop it that it will disappear.
Soul
Yeap. I was in there. I will let go when it comes to Z especially since I realised its interpretation is flawed and negative. It led me to non-commitment.
4. What is needed for resolution?
New Vision
When u open up to the ultimate, immediately it pours into u. U r no longer an ordinary human being - u have transcended. Ur insight has become the insight of the whole existence. Now u r no longer separate - u have found ur roots.
U r emerging from earthbound roots and growings wing to fly into the unbounded.
When we come to know that the dark and difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life's colours to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
Soul
Tot of the life challenge I faced and undertake with Z. He was my Cosmic Lesson and now he becomes my Cosmic Reward.
Father, I now have a new Vision of Z. He does care and like me. Him spending time with me besides his extreme schedule. Him spending time to breakthru all my doors, both mental and physical.
I keep on saying I had the bad end of the deal. Actually I didn't put in the effort he did. I just do what I like. But I did walk into it and even then it was because of my personal growth and not because of him.
Father, he has proven so much and he is a real diamond. I will commit and I want to open the doors of my heart and let my feelings grow.
5. The resolution
The Creator
The mystic creates himself. He works on himself, his own being.
U r carrying a masterpiece hidden within u, but u r standing in the way. Just moved aside, then the masterpiece will be revealed.
Soul
Amen
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