Cosmic Reward (40) - Positive outlook

May 8

Father, today Z didn't attend. I must say I was happier yesterday. Today he wasn't there and also my feet was bit of pain. But I know m fine and the energy was stronger compared to the other 2 days. So, as per norm, when energy is very strong, my easy going personality disappear and I become intense and definitely I didn't have time to look and smile cos whenever I sat down, energy took over. So, its not really about him but its the energy.

Yesterday reading of Natal chart affirms my decision to complete the course with Z.

Just read the Samurai Game, and saw my 24 hours and it was on Z. And this affirm that my decision to complete the course is correct. I don't know what's the future, but the current now, compared with the future that was projected 3 months ago is way better.

So, I can't predict the future. For now both Z and I can only predict the ending. For Z the ending is like 1 or 2 years later. Anyway, we don't know what's going to happen. For now, we just know we want each other and we are good companion.

Hey, suddenly it occur to me, we have 2 out of 3. So, it is not a wrong basis. We just didn't start from emotion, that's all. Lots of people starts with emotion and at times cannot proceed elsewhere.

For us, we started with mental and then we are now physical, so let's stay in this mode first. As for the emotion, both of us may not want it and I am afraid of it since he didn't want it but that's in the future, which I cannot predict and neither can Z.

So, instead of lamenting of what we don't have, I will appreciate what we have, we r compatible mentally and now physically. So, let's just be here. Forget about comparing with others.

Called him but no response and mind said u see. But I ignored it, he is probably sleeping. We just saw each other yesterday. Let's not dramatise everytime I cannot reach him. That's my lesson and I need to be aware not to take his unreachability personally.

Father, again he asked me why I am attracted to him and what makes me stay. Of course, I forgot and got be irritated as I felt that he was probing and I was afraid to reveal that I am very attracted to him especially since his attraction to me was lukewarm.

J told me that Z needed assurance from me. Father, let me not forget that Z.

Yea, it was my mind working overtime. Z called me back 15 minutes later.