Cosmic Reward (52) - Z is perfect for me now!

May 23 Aft (My confession)


Father, no response from him. But I am fine, old trigger doesn't work especially since I now had no illusion about us, my expectation of him as a boyfriend has reduced considerably. But I see us as equal partner and that's why the other day when he asked for it, I counter back too. We are nearly on even playing field now. One main lap to go and I am a fast learner.

Expect a Miracle
Ur body is a vessel through which Grace flows. The clearer u r, the more radiant and magnetic u become.

Soul
I am now definitely radiant. Magnetic still to come.

Expect a miracle
Having negative expectations in our minds is like putting up a wall that keeps love away.

Soul
Tot of me and Z. I can say I now have clarity in my expectation. It is negative, no doubt. When Z said he predict I leave him by year end, he doesn't sounds happy. And here I didn't correct nor deny it.
Why? To say that I am staying won't be right coss I will leave this uncommitted relationship. As for the timing, I cannot even promise that its year end, as it may be sooner.
But the thing that strikes me is that he doesn't seem to have an exit, to him is mid next year, once he is up financially and he can source for his life partner.
Anyway, let it be. Meanwhile, I just need to complete my mission. Then I will think about it.

Expect a miracle
Discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.

Soul
Tot of me having positive tots on us and was hoping we will convert into a normal couple. Alas, my wish is dashed when he said if I can still manage my emotion for him, otherwise we have to stop.

(May 30 - he didnt say that. He asked me because he wants to gauge when I will run. It is not because he wants me to run.)

Father, I know he do like me but his mind is fixed on his plan. Before I went to Korea, it opens up but he is now back on his plans.
What do I see in this? Do I think I am unlovable? This time, nope. And neither did I take his financials personally. Just like he is fixed on his plan to have marriage with children, I also cannot see how it fits with me.


Father, we both cannot move
1. I cannot open up because I know his plan doesn't include me. He is waiting to be sounds financially so he can source for his life partner who wants kids

2. Z cannot open up because he knows I don't want kids and I am here for short term.

Like D said we cannot move and this rship will proceed to a natural death and both are not committing to it, no growth.

I keep on saying he won't change. He also thinks I won't change.

My confession.
"I always forgot I have to leave u. And I don't want to leave as things are great between us, much better than we both expected.

But everytime we meet, u will remind me that I have to leave u as u ur future plan doesn't includes me. U also tell me that when u r financially sound u will source for new partners.

That's why when I am not with u, I wanted u in me, but when I am with u, u reminded me that I cannot have u and so I don't want u in me"