Cosmic Lesson (50) - abandonment took over - but luckily no action from me

Apr 30

Mmm, text him. Didn't plan to. But I tot about commitment. I have sort of decided to give myself till end June for us. Let's face it, he said 95 percent for biz, 4 percent for children and personal, maybe 1 percent for me. Whereas, me 50 percent for work, 25 percent for inner path, 10 percent for writing and 15 percent for him. We r disjointed. Timing not correct and I don't fit into his plan.

Its true about no commitment no growth.

I am unwilling to give commitment due to fear of abandonment. But now, I will commit because of growth.

It doesn't matter his response, I will do my part. And if he isn't into me, we will exit gracefully and remain friends. Even if he doesn't grow, I am growing.

Let's face it, I know I cannot open up to him physically until we r committed to each other. Somehow I know its not going to happen. So, let's end this by end June, 2months to go before ill feelings come up and spoil our friendship.

Somehow knowing about the 2 months, I am more calm.


Apr 30 Eve
Father, as expected no response from him. Its true my mind is working non stop because this is the second time of postponement and also I think we cannot meet next week too. And thereafter I have to go to overseas. So, it will be nearly 5 weeks.

(May 27 - all the dramas. We did meet and infact he was even more anxious than me. Despite his hectic schedule, he insisted we met up.)