Cosmic Reward (17) - No longer taking things personally

Mar 31
Father, the trees are so lovely. Thanks for ur gift of sight.

Also tot of Z's dire financial straits. Previously I would have taken it personally and said its my fault but now nope.
Instead I even took it positively as we both agreed to take it slowly. And us being thinkers will need some time to reflect. Let's see where it goes.

I am glad I have tomorrow and saturday morning to myself.

The Power of Now
It is the quality of ur consciousness at this moment that is the main determinant of what kind of future u will experience, so to surrender is the most important thing u can do to bring about positive change. Any action u take is secondary.

Only if u practice surrender, the spiritual dimension is made into a living reality in ur life. When u do, the energy that u emanate and which then runs ur life is of a much higher vibrational frequency than the mind energy that still runs our world.

Ur life energy is a silent but intense presence that dissolves the unconscious patterns of the mind. The unconscious patterns may still remain active for a while, but they won't run ur life anymore.

The external conditions that were being resisted also tend to shift or dissolve quickly through surrender. It is a powerful transformer of situations and people. If conditions do not shift immediately, ur acceptance of the Now enables u to rise above them. Either way u r free.

Soul
This is exactly what happens when the worst job in my life was transformed to the best job in my life.

I shared with Z about his ESTJ mode of operation and he agrees. I called him an arrogant bastard. He asked me why need to add the word bastard. I replied that is because his arrogance is immense and its played by his rule or no play at all.

The Power of Now
Illness is not the problem. U r the problem - as long as the egoic mind is in control. When u r ill or disabled, do not feel that u have failed in some way, do not feel guilty. Do not blame life for treating u unfairly, but do not blame yourself either. All that is resistance.

If u have a major illness, use it for enlightenment. Anything "bad" that happens in ur life - use it for enlightenment. Withdraw time from illness. Do not give it any past or future.

Be an alchemist; Transmute base metal into god, suffering into consciousness, disaster into enlightenment.

Soul
That's what I did. Hence my blog; suffering is blessing.

My worst job took to meditation that resulted in me being conscious and transmute it into best job.

My noncommittal relationship has changed from a physical affair to a mental/physical affair. Slowly it will include emotion. We r both already attach to each other, comfortable with each other and not looking around.

Him not being available now is not relating to my unlovability but is because he wants to be the one who takes care of me not the other way round.

(MAY 20 - I now have no illusion. We are together for now. I don't fit into his plan to have marriage and kids. He knows firstly that I don't want to have kids and secondly I am at age whereby it is risky to have kids. So, double whammy. Like he said he is a bottomline guy and he wouldn't put his emotion in it. For me, I think I am already in, but I am no longer afraid to face the music, the ending...it will come at its own time, when we are both ready. Need not force it out of fear>)