Cosmic Reward (36) - I am fine

May 4 Aft

My lover, Myself
Journal work is an act of forgiving. We can use journal to minimise and optimise, eliminate the vengeful and wasteful monologues that circle round and round in our minds after we have been hurt, bested or wronged by our partner.

Soul
I know. I started journaling back in 1997. I have thrown out all. Now the only journal I have is the one in the blog. Reading it helps to keep things in perspective.

My lover myself.
Our monologues are exceedingly hard to resist. This is because our shadows continue to try to trip us up so that we miscommunicate again and again rather than speak and act in ways which will show our partners that we are really asking to love and be loved. Our shadows would return us to the childhood anxiety where we "know" that we are unloved, unworthy of love and incapable of giving meaningful love. In this way our shadows whisper self-fulfilling prophecies which keep us in the darkness of our caves just when we most want to reach out. Consider how utterly limited, restrictive and narrow is the narrative landscape u put urself into when u flee to the darkest reaches of ur mind after a particularly pernicious conversation with, of all people, someone u more than likely still love.
In shifting from monologues of blame projection and revenge to truthful dialogues with the self, it not only takes away the power of our demons to hurt us, it changes our conversation with others.

Soul
True. When I am down, I felt powerless and there is no solution. So, the Innocence card tells me to drop my personality. The Past Life card ask me to be conscious so that my issue of abandonment doesn't take over me.

My lover Myself
Explore ur shadow as if u have no intention to change. Making something fully conscious is actually a far more powerful way to change behaviour than trying to change it overtly without fully admitting its presence to urself.