Apr 18 Aft
Osho
1. Issue
Healing
U carry ur wound. Nobody is interested in hurting u; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his own wound. Be aware of ur wound. Don't help it to grow. Let it be healed, and it will be healed only when u move to the roots. The less the head, the more the wound will heal. Live a headless life. Move as a total being, and accept things.
It is a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed.
Soul
Yeap, I guess yday also triggered my abandonment issue. I was feeling hurt cos instead of pulling me back with care, he wanted to pull me back with logic that I felt is unacceptable, grabbing on to air.
2. Internal Influence
Inner Voice
If u have found ur truth within urself, there is nothing more in this whole existence to find.
There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.
Soul
I think part of him knew it and that's why he reacted. He needed it to be true so he can hold me back.
I then come to realise he doesn't has exit plan and I need to create one. So I tot before my next birthday, end of June.
Anyway, when I read Osho this morning, I calmed down and realised that I was protecting myself again. I am supposed to just let it be.
3. External influence of which u r aware
The Creator.
The mystic creates himself. He works on himself, his own being. U r carrying a masterpiece hidden within u, but u r standing in the way. Just move aside, then the masterpiece will be revealed.
The King of Fire tells u that anything that we undertake now, with the understanding that comes from maturity, will bring enrichment to our own lives and to the lives of others. It is time to express urself.
Soul
Z said that I am a lazy bum. I can't deny it per se. Its just that its difficult accepting it from him. I have skills in loads of things but I don't really want to expend my energy to create them.
Anyway, tot of Isha, I will hold on to the promoter's role. This time I really did. Tot of my Top 5 of being a Transforming agent, Isha is my training ground.
I text Z to tell him that I agree with him that I am a lazy bum outside work. I marvel at him going all out for everything. He didn't save his energy.
4. What is needed for resolution
Schizophrenia
Man is split. If u want to say 'yes', immediately the 'no' is there. U cannot utter a simple 'yes' with totality ...in this way happiness is not possible; unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality.
The whole art of Zen is how to drop this split personality, how to drop the divided mind of man, how to become undivided, integrated.
Whatever decision u make, u will always wonder if u should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately, to let go of both at once. U can't work it out with ur mind. Better follow ur heart, if u can find it. If u can't find it, just jump -- ur heart will start beating so fast that there will be no mistake about where it is!
Soul
Yea, was thinking if I should execute my exit plan or not. Whether I should exit without going all the way.
Anyway, decision was made earlier. Can't back out now. I have to leave it to the Universe. Whatever meant to be will be. Wow! Amazing that I am accepting the uncertainty.
5. The understanding
Experiencing
Experiencing is the feeling of wonder itself, the thrill of communion, the gentle touch of connectedness with all that surrounds us.
Soul
Mmm, not sure on this. But I admit this few days, my experiencing of trees had disappeared. I also tot of Z being an old tree. He has been through so much. He is like a wild stallion that has seen and done so much. And beneath it all is someone that just wanted appreciation, someone that just wants to snuggle into a warm comfortable body like mine. That's why the palace horse in the movie, Rapunzel reminds me of him.
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