You cannot bypass growth; and growth comes with pain

Apr 6

Father, this issue of abandonment is quite prevalent. Any delay in response, any lag in communication would trigger it. And that's the beauty of having Z. He is really lacking in responsiveness.
Only thing is now I am aware of it and I try to unhook myself. Cos in reality, the pain body is there.

(May 20 - new word on him - unreachable)

Osho - Kabir
Throw ur head into the feet of the divine. Drop ur doubt and ur thinking and ur mind: take a jump, a plunge, into the whole. Trust the whole.
This is the secret of the secrets. And this single key opens all the doors of heaven.

Soul
Father, my Tarot card asked to drop conditioning. And to me that represents the abandonment and also control.
Yesterday I was willing to change despite initial resistance. But when I knew I was to leave in the night, I freaked out. Cos to me, it is a hassle just to have the few hours. And also I didn't like that he is bothered about what his neighbour/mother think. Of course, he justified that he doesn't want others to think unwell of me. I told him I am not bothered by what others think of me.

Once I unravel my abandonment issue, I won't be having second tots on Z.

Osho
Why is growth painful? Growth is painful because u have been avoiding a thousand and one pains in ur life. By avoiding u cannot destroy them, they go on accumulating in ur system. When u decide to grow, u have to face all the pain that u have repressed. U cannot just bypass them.

If u want to have a life of ecstasy, u will have to accept the many agonies. If u want the peaks of the Himalayas then u will also have the valley. But nothing is wrong with the valley; ur approach just has to be different. U can enjoy both.
If u want to have the peaks, u need to grow roots into the valley - the deeper ur roots go, the higher ur tree will grow.

Life exists between polarities. The tension between pain and pleasure makes u capable of creating great music. The man who wants to know life and live life has to accept and embrace death. They come together, they are two aspect of single phenomenon.

But the deeper u go into the pain, the deeper is ur capacity to go into pleasure.
To be free of the pain, the pain has to be accepted, inevitably and naturally. Pain is pain. Suffering, however is only and always the refusal of pain, the claim that life should not be painful.

Soul
Mmm, tot of the intimacy. Guess I have to go through the first round of pain and also fear of being hooked to him...


Apr 6 Eve
Father, I have just called V to tell him that I was on the dot with my assessment of my boss. Humanmetrics test confirmed my assessment. And the amazing part is Destiny's card confirmed my year assessment for boss too. It is so uncanny. And it is time I stop ignoring it.
And today my discussion with Sh was great too. V asked me to explore and try on a few persons.

Tot of J, SL and YL. They have been asking me.

(May 20 - did with J and the assessment was accurate.)

Tot of boss.
She is a care giver. But she is not doing it at office. If she does caring at office, she would then be able to have good staff to generate the money that she wanted.

We also discussed about the mind. Whenever we r triggered it creates so many scenarios that are overly positive or negative.

It is only when it is observation, that it is the real truth. Observation means no scenario planning.

It is only when we truly know what we want, that Universe deliver.

Our problem is that we get muddle and doesn't know what we want.

So, the strategy is to remove the conditioning, take out the defense mechanism of scenario planning of positive and negative and just observe.

Once we do that, we know the right answer. And then there is no more confusion of the politics within us.

Father, this week Osho card has come to a fruitful outcome. Thanks to Z who has triggered me and followed by his invite yday and my refusal.
Everytime I overcome a challenge with him, my world expanded.
Ah Ha, now I know of the Possibilities card that I have for issue this week. Amen