Cosmic Reward (35) - I am opening up (Past is over)

May 4

Today I drove mom to market and I wasn't aware and now back into old road. Looks like system still programmed under old road. I used it for 2 and half years and new road only for a few months. So, whenever I am not conscious I am rolled back.

Mmm, a tot came on Z's comment. "No gal gave me a hell of time like u. U have such a strange character. But I finally goy u" "You drive me crazy"

That's mean he wanted me and set out to break all my door. He made it as if he is doing me a favour by hooking up with me. Later relented and said we r doing each other favour.

Osho
1. Issue
Innocence
If u drop knowledge, u will have a totally different quality to ur being; innocence. There will be a resurrection of ur innocence. U will become a child again, reborn.
U become at home with himself and with what life has brought. This is a time of letting go, relaxation and sweetness. They are a response to his presence, a reflection of his own qualities.
The innocence that comes from a deep experience of life is childlike but not childish. Innocence of a life lived fully has a quality of wisdom and acceptance of the everchanging wonder of life.

Soul
After last week turmoil, I now have a new vision. And I was able to shine light to Ja and SL too

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see.
Celebration.
Life is a moment to celebrate, to enjoy. Don't be too wise. A little foolishness and a little wisdom is good.
True celebration arises from a joy that is first experienced deep within, spills over into an overflow of song, dance and laughter and yes, even tears of gratitude.
U r now becoming more and more available and open to the many opportunities that are to celebrate in life and to spread this by contagion to others.

3. External influence
Compromise
Don't be clever, otherwise u remain the same, u will not change. Compromise is not going to help. And compromise may be a way of not going in either direction or it may just be a repression of ur confusion.

Soul
Yeap, I was trying to commit but within a limited time. I wanted to do oral but not penetrative sex. I wanted to like him but not love him. I wanted to stay but only within certain time. All the above is to enable me to move forward, going for what I desire without triggering fear of abandonment.

4. What is needed
Past Lives
The child can become conscious only if in his past life he has meditated enough, has created enough meditative energy to fight with the darkness.
The hand of existence form the shape of the female genitals, the opening of the cosmic mother.
We need to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives and their roots in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behaviour.

Soul
Yea. I know me opening up the physical doorway is the key. My karma of abandonment arise because I believe I was not lovable. Well, the truth is out. No one push me out to others, it was a pull factor. I was so lovable and cute that all neighbours wants to have a piece of me. So, in reality, my belief of unlovability is not true. No one gave me away, Others just want to love me.

5. Resolution
Maturity
The distinction between the grasses and the blossoms is the same as between u not knowing that u r a buddha, and the moment u know u r a buddha.
Buddha is completely blossomed, fully opened.

Soul
I now know I am truly lovable. It was because I was so cute that neighbours wants to love and care for me. My mom didn't give me away, I was taken away to be loved.

Maturity
The inner being is filled with flower that carry the quality of springtime and regenerate whenever he goes. The inner flowering and the wholeness that he feels affords the possibility of unlimited movement. He can move in any direction - within and without it makes no difference as his joy and maturity cannot be diminished by externals.

Ur base is solid now and success and good fortune are urs for they are the outcome of what has already been experienced within.