Cosmic Lesson (54) - Abandonment triggered

May 6 Eve

Father, it was a clarity day. Z reiterated that he likes our non commitment arrangement. He has no time for romantic rship. He likes that we r both mature. He is thinking that we continue like that for one year or so. Then when he get married, we both move on. When he told me this, my heart broke. Any possible dream of being with him is gone.
Of course in the same note, he said he is very close to me, I complement him and I am considered as his crony. When he made his money, he will include a portion for me too.

I told him that I find him challenging as he asked everything of me and yet doesn't want to give anything in return. He asked too much.

Today I told him that what we have is a physical and mental rship. We don't an emotional rship. He said he agreed and that what he wanted. I told him that we r human and we may not be able to avoid becoming emotional. He said he doesn't has a problem. I told him I may have and hence I need an exit plan to avoid such incidence of me falling for him.
He said the way to go about is that we don't communicate to each other frequently. We only talked once in a while and when we have our nights.

I told him that is being arrogant and for me the right way is to exit as soon as possible. He asked me when. I told him end June and he asked if that is next year. I said this year. He immediately got edgy and can hear his anger. He asked why wait for another one and half month. Why not end it today. Why not exit now. I said I haven't play enough yet. He said we already played all. Why don't we exit now. He sounds real threatening and I asked if he is serious. He then backed down and said he just wanted to tease me.

A tot came. He does truly care for me and even admitted I am so close to him that I am one of his crony and is in the list of getting benefits to him.

Father, I need to exit not because of abandonment. Because I am lovable and I deserved more and not just a rship based on needs.

Compromise
It is one thing to meet another halfway, to understand a point of view different from our own and work towards a harmony of the opposing forces.
It is quite another to "cave in" and betray our own truth. If we look deeply into it, we usually find we have a bad taste.
Compromise is not going to help. And compromise may be a way of not going either direction or it may just be a repression of ur confusion.


Soul
I cannot handle a romantic rship but I deserved more. I want more. I want a wholesome rship.