May 18
Father, all my drama. Was wondering how we are going to continue this week. Anyway, I just message him and we chat and confirm for tomorrow. I miss him. Yea, this is the second time I initiated.
Osho
1. Issue
Projection
The man and woman are facing each other, yet they are not able to see each other clearly. Ur mind is at the back of the whole thing and the mind is projector. But u always look at the other, because the other is the screen.
When u find a judgement arising about another, turn it around.
Soul
Yea. I keep on saying he doesn't give me the feeling that he want me. And here he is always asking how much I like him and that's mean I too doesn't give him the feeling too.
And for the first time, I can see both side. Like D said we r both trying to see who will commit first.
Anyway, I already arranged for this week date. Earlier tot I put on bit of weight and want to see him only next week but that would be like 3 weeks and I miss him. So, I just arranged and he too was game. And he actually gave me his weekend schedule too. Earlier I tot his weekend was off limit, but actually I wasn't keen on weekend cos it cross into my swimming and walking.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Sharing
As u move above to the heart center, ur whole life becomes a sharing of love
The Queen of Fire is so rich, so much a queen, that she can afford to give. She dispenses her treasures without limits, welcoming all and sundry to partake of the abundance, fertility and light that surrounds her.
When u draw this card, u too have an opportunity to share ur love, ur joy and ur laughter. And in sharing, u find that u feel even more full.
Everything around u seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground urself in it, and let the abundance in u and around u overflow.
Soul
Finally I can say I am now on
Eat, Pray and Love.
I have done eating and praying and now is loving.
(May 30 - I exploded into joy when I am in my peak. I shared my joy with him. Thank God it was him, cos he understood my expression when I connect with the Source.)
3. External influence of which u r aware
Sorrow
The pain is not to make u miserable, the pain is to make u more aware! And when u r aware, misery disappear.
Times of great sorrow has potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the roots of our pain and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.
Soul
I was on the mind these few days. And for the first time it turn around into positive tots. I have had so many negative tots that never materialise and seems outrageous that in the end, it has to go upward. I finally reach the depth of my negative tots. And I also learned that mom has never chosen to let me be taken care by neighbour. I was so cute and lovable that they wanted to take care of me.
Finally, I am up.
And coincidentally "No strings attached" also shows me where Z and I are in our rship.
(May 20 - when I draw this card, I couldn't relate as I was in the illusion that Z and I could be in a committed relationship. Then on May 19, Z told me that he predict that I will leave by year end and that he will move on and definitely proceed his plan of getting married and having children, my heart stops for a moment. I woke up.)
(May 30 - Father, when I am updating this, I had an alternative tot. He is moving on because he tot I would leave him. In his mind, I will exit first, he is not running. I am the one who is running)
4. What is needed for resolution
Turning in
When going stops, journeying disappears; when desiring is no more clouding ur mind, u r in.
Meditation is about distancing urself from ur mind as if it belongs to somebody else.
U r ready to take this distance now and to watch the show without getting caught up in the drama.
Soul
Yea. When the mind turns negative on Z and I, I will switch it to positive mode.
(May 30 - There is nothing to lose.)
5. Resolution
Creativity
If u have something growing out of it within u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine.
Technique, expertise and knowledge are just tools; the key is to abandon oneself to the energy that fuels the birth of all things. The important thing is to be open to what wants to be expressed through u.
Soul
Father, I think I am in love with Z. I want to share my love and joy with him. I want to open up completely to him. We deserved to be happy.
May 18 Eve
Three of Hearts is ur Displacement in Ruling Card
The Three of Hearts often makes us very intellectual when it comes to matters of the heart. We tend to have our concerns rolling around and around in our head and attempt to apply all sorts of concepts to our situation when what we really need is to feel our feelings and trust our experiences. U may find that u r doing a lot of soul searching this year, a process of turning ur attention to find the real answer.
Soul
Very true.
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